To not want to snog DH if he hasn’t washed his face?

[Sensitiveskingal]

I have quite sensitive skin prone to breakouts. At bedtime after I have cleansed applied toner, serums, eye cream etc, I will only give DH a few goodnight pecks on the lips (to avoid smooshing my clean face into his stubble) if he hasn’t washed his face.

If he wants a proper snog (involving lots of face to face touching) I insist he has cleaned his face as I feel like there must be so much general oil/pollution/food on an uncleaned face at the end of the day. He mostly forgets to ever clean his face at night so subsequently we don’t get a good kissing session in!

I feel like this doesn’t help our sex life and would like to snog more, but also find it annoying that he can’t just remember to wash his face at night!

Wondering if I’m being a bit pedantic and should just give into the dirty face kiss or is he being rather gross that he doesn’t wash his face at night? Apart from my worry about bacteria causing breakouts, I also just find it really gross and this stops me enjoying the kiss.

He showers every day in the morning and is generally nice and clean smelling - it’s just the lack of nightly face routine that is the issue.

YANBU - he should wash his face at night
YABU - get over yourself you clean freak

I would find it a massive turn off if someone regarded my end of the day face as too dirty to kiss. Unless I was a coal miner or something.

I feel like a compromise should have been arrived at long before you got to marriage.

I also think you’re weird OP. I could understand if he was a coal miner or did not brush his teeth but this seems extreme.

What happened when you were dating? Did he have to wash his face before you kissed him?

If DH isn't showering at night, then he doesn't wash his face at night. He just rolls in to bed (having brushed his teeth). Like a lot of men, he has immaculate looking skin, the lucky git!
I'm always amazed at the high hygiene standards of Mumsnetters. These things would never cross my mind. But my DH would go down on me after I've been to the gym and not showered, so we're gross. And I've always thought that once you've given your first blow job, you should chill out on the germaphobia as you're pissing into the wind.

Well quite. Applying loads of skincare products may also be making breakouts worse and upsetting the balance of the skin.

The whole world's gone fucking mad. I've heard some bollocks in my time but this really takes the biscuit.

I don’t wash my face at night. I barely wash it in the morning (just with soap in the shower). I don’t use any lotions or serums. So no it wouldn’t bother me at all. It would never even occur to me

If my boyfriend said 'I'm not kissing you unless you wash your face first' at the end of a normal working day, I would be so utterly turned off by his prissiness that I'd probably never want to kiss him again anyway, frankly.

Seriously. You are not being somehow contaminated by 'oil/pollution/food' on your partner's face when you kiss him. You're being paranoid and over-anxious.

I wash my face in the shower in the morning. I have sex at night without having a shower and even have sex in the morning before my shower having not showered since the morning before. I'm 62 and still alive.
I'm still alive, as is my husband.
Obviously if there is much on my face I'd wash it but other than that, let the skins natural cleaning process do it's job.

Yes, same. I'm always amazed at how many people on Mumsnet just seem to find everything about the human body disgusting / smelly / dirty / ugly. Every time there's a thread about nightwear, people pop up saying it's 'grim' and 'gross' and 'unhygienic' to even sleep naked. Mad.

I have literally never once thought about bacteria or dirt on my partner's face, unless of course we're talking about something obviously visible like food (which he would remove immediately).

Germs are everywhere, you can't prevent coming into contact with them unless you wear a biohazard suit and never leave the house. Presumably it's better the germs you know?

I also don’t want to be snogging etc after I’ve put all my skincare on, whether he’s washed his face or not. Can’t you have a session pre-skincare routine?

Does one's sex life not become quite clinical and regimented if you have to plan things out like this before activity takes place?

I guess it depends - to be honest when I get into bed last thing at night exhausted I rarely feel up for it anyway. You could see it as being more spontaneous by doing it other times than ‘bedtime’. We do tend to plan a bit after many years of being together though - I probably would have messed up my skincare routine (or not bothered to do it at all) in the early days! We’re both happy with a bit of planning, but everyone’s different!

It’s not a germ thing though, more ‘I’ve just carefully applied a pea sized amount of prescription retinol over my face and I don’t fancy wiping it all over my partner’s face/wherever else’ 🤣 Still not very sexy or spontaneous, I’ll give you that.

As is typical of AIBU a portion of you don’t seem to have read my posts properly and seem to be under the impression that I’m asking DH to wash his face every time we kiss 😆

Unless you have acne prone sensitive skin, where you are advised to do things like change your pillowcase every night, I can see how you wouldn’t understand the frustration if following an expensive nightly skincare routine and then having it effectively neutralised because your DH can’t be bothered to spend 5 seconds wiping his own face with a flannel.

Some of you sound a bit like the surgeons who denied germ theory back in the day and insisted on carrying out surgeries without
washing their hands as long as no dirt was “visible” 🤣🤣

Anyway the votes are in so I feel for my poor DH who has to deal with my hideous unreasonableness, I might try instigating a pre routine snog like in the early days of our courtship when I would go to bed with makeup on to pretend I looked like that all the time hahaha.

Your request to wash his face if he wants to kiss you is 100% reasonable OP. If he can't do that very basic thing and doesn't care about your feelings and desires on this, that's not great.

This really made me lol!

It’s not something I’ve thought about to be honest but we are night time shower people and I don’t suffer with my skin.

I think it’s one of these things where let’s face it (excuse the pun) it’s a very quick and minor adjustment to his night time routine. If it’s important to you and that has been made clear to him, it should be important to him too.

wishing you both many happy years of snogging!

Or snog and do skin care in bed after

Agree.

I wash my face once a day

I’d break out from this - also the face touching, they’d have to have clean hands