Advice please for grandparents.
My dad is retired and my mum works part time. My son, 3, has recently started nursery 5 afternoons a week. I pick him up early on a thu and fri.
Grandparents have been invited around on a weeknight for an hour or two before tea time to see him so as to let me/husband make tea/get stuff sorted etc.
Here is the issue:
- parents although married, do not get on and each prefer to see my son separately
- my dad is physically disabled so can't do lone childcare, can't go to parks, can't chase after my son etc. Therefore his idea of childcare is to visit a great gran, nice idea however my son has a lot of energy so needs to run around in a park etc before visiting someone's house, otherwise he's bouncing off the walls which stresses my dad out
--my mum in particular doesn't stick to my routine and thinks nothing of buying my son loads of sweets and offering then just before I give him a meal, so he doesn't eat and the schedule of the day is ruined not to mention the behaviour
- my dads driving is terrible therefore I don't want my son in the car with him. I get abuse or an eye roll if I even allude to this point in front of him
- I only work part time therefore am usually about anyway, but they both seem to want time alone with my son, this is disguised as giving me a break
- they both compete for his attention, as well as there just being a general bad atmosphere when they're together as they hate each other. It's uncomfortable
- because my mum only works part time and my dad not at all, I feel pressure for them to see my son when he's not at nursery and when they're free. I feel they rely on seeing him for their happiness. I feel bad on them but their happiness is not my problem when they choose this life?
- I like to take my son out on activities/groups in the mornings (some fresh air for me too) and don't want to give this up just so they can see my son and have him sitting about all morning
- I have suggested a set time each weekday afternoon for them to see him after nursery, but this has been dismissed by them as its not long enough and obviously as they would need to visit together.
- Also they arrived at my house one day with a car seat which on inspection was not fitted properly and I got eye rolls and head shakes for saying I wanted to check the car seat first, luckily I did. Theres never an apology.
- I've spent the last two weeks stuck in the middle of them hearing about how unhappy they are, they never do anything about it and just stay together. I just feel like I can't be doing with them at the moment, life is stressful enough dealing with home, a 3 year old and work etc without having these two on my back.
Anyway, do you think I'm being unreasonable in my boundary of offering them to come to us one afternoon a week to see my son? I feel I'm being fair but dont know anyone in similar situation to bounce this off.