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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should plan the fun stuff in a relationship?

11 replies

Losingtheplot25 · 28/10/2025 19:52

Looking for views. A recurrent issue that dp (currently out of work for year+, looking for new role) is fine (happy?) to be at home, rarely sees friends or exercises, and never plans fun things for us. I work full-time (60+ hours a week). Also a homebody but need things to look forward to to break up the stresses of a very demanding job and family hassles. We're childfree. We've talked about the issue and he always says he will sort, then plans are vaguely made which don't materialise. But does want to spend time with me and very keen for me to do chores/house activities together. I have planned things but stopping as much now, as it's one sided. Have a/l coming up soon and nothing's been mentioned, although he previously promised he would. AIBU to expect him to do more, or should I just accept this is his way. Generally is kind although can be quite disconnected/doesn't seem to listen/process what's going on for me or what matters in my life.

OP posts:
Justsewsew · 28/10/2025 19:55

Does dp enjoy doing the fun things you organise?

Losingtheplot25 · 28/10/2025 19:56

Yes. And is a bit sad if I do things without him.

OP posts:
Losingtheplot25 · 28/10/2025 19:57

Justsewsew · 28/10/2025 19:55

Does dp enjoy doing the fun things you organise?

Yes. And is a bit sad if I do things without him.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 28/10/2025 19:58

Neither of us organisers we both just decide what we want to do and do it, isn't that being an adult?

AtomicPumpkin · 28/10/2025 20:29

So what does he do while you are out working a 60-hour week?

yeesh · 28/10/2025 20:38

Is he just lazy? Don’t work but “keen” to do chores together, lazy bastard

Arlanymor · 28/10/2025 20:39

Has he always been this way or is it something that has materialised since he lost his job/his job ended?

RiseOfTheTeenyTinies · 28/10/2025 20:52

I would be more concerned about his mental health, being out of work for a year is a long time and not wanting anything to look forward to sounds like he could be depressed.

isthesolution · 28/10/2025 20:56

In my relationship- me. Always. And it’s frustrating. Who books pumpkin picking and Xmas pantomime and visiting Santa and bloody everything. Me. Or it doesn’t get done!

It’s much fairer to share. Particularly if you are child free. Book something and then at the end suggest he organises the next thing??

lazyarse123 · 28/10/2025 21:01

PollyBell · 28/10/2025 19:58

Neither of us organisers we both just decide what we want to do and do it, isn't that being an adult?

This is us too.

Losingtheplot25 · 28/10/2025 21:05

Thanks all.

Was also concerned about MH @RiseOfTheTeenyTinies, and do think possible atypical depression - or at least a shutting down, but he denies any issue. Sleeps well and seems reactive in mood.

He's also been bit this way but got worse since covid @Arlanymor , never really got back into having swing of an out of the house routine, being active. I love downtime but very busy inbetween (travel internationally for work, high pressure events, responsibility for teams) and feels our lives increasingly mismatched.

He says is looking for work and think he has applied for things, couple of interviews, but doesn't share much. Feel left in the dark, whilst I carry financial can. @yeesh he's good at filling his time but I'm not sure with what exactly - he's not lazy but takes a lot longer to do things than me. But maybe IBU!

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