Aibu to have no sympathy for sick husband?

[ChronicallyWonderful]

Just so I dont drip feed, I am chronically ill. I suffer with bad asthma, joint dislocations, fatigue etc etc. We have two kids with disabilities, one with a learning disability and one with a chronic illness that requires 24/7 medical attention.
My husband unfortunately whenever he is poorly reverts back to being a child, refuses to get out of bed all day, updates me every 30 minutes on how poorly he is, makes the horrible sniffly sickly sounds, it really does my head in!
For contrast last year I caught the flu and was having really bad asthma attacks that would leave me on the floor gasping for breath… I still got on with things that needed doing! Didn’t lie in bed whinging all week.
Last week he claimed he was poorly he hadnt been poorly for a while so fair enough I left him, then he got better tbh there wasnt much wrong with him he was just tired and slept a bit more but was well enough to go out drinking at the weekend!

then yesterday it started again “Oh ive got a sore throat chronic Im getting poorly again.” Just as both kids are on half term - oh the irony! So clearly was not sick last week, just playing on and then actually got sick!
Today hes refused to leave the bed again, complaining that I need to do everything and leave him be. But when Im poorly and even so much as dare go for a nap, I get woken up by the kids wanting x, y & z, i still have to cook/clean/take the kids to school even when Im suffering with dislocations.

aibu to go out for the day & leave him with DC? Its like looking after a third child!

Just do it. If you're confident that he won't cause problems for the children by refusing to do anything. Men like this continue to be like this forever so you either work round it or put up with it. They don't usually listen or grow up so no point trying to prove a point.

I don't think it's for people to dictate how poorly others are allowed to be. Other than last week, you said that he hadn't been ill for a while so maybe not a total piss taker.

I honestly, truly don't know how women stay married to men like this. It's such a turn off to be so pathetic while simultaneously expecting so much from your partner.

You're more patient and generous than I am.

But he is, its never just a cold. Its always got to be some kind of super cold.

It’s hard to navigate I think when you have someone who is prone to the drama or exaggerating every illness. My husband & I have the agreement that if one of us says they are unwell then we believe it, we don’t do the questioning/“you’re not that ill” etc because actually you have no idea how someone else actually feels. BUT that only works in our marriage because neither of us are dramatic with it, we both crack on whenever we can so if one of us does say they are unwell then we know they are telling the truth.

For contrast last year I caught the flu and was having really bad asthma attacks that would leave me on the floor gasping for breath… I still got on with things that needed doing!
I very much doubt it was the full on flu if you were able to get up and get on with things and surely if you were on the floor gasping for breath, you were not in a position to do anything either.

It sounds like you may both be a bit dramatic!

Do you work OP? Does your DH work full time? You say you are chronically ill and have two disabled children. That's quite a strain on any household or relationship. Does your DH generally do a proportionate share of household chores/childcare?

YABU for "getting on with things" if you genuinely had the flu and were having asthma attacks that left you gasping for breath.

Why on earth would you struggle through and do everything when you're poorly? There are two of you, it isn't all down to you, you know! When you are poorly, go to bed and it's down to your husband to keep things going in your absence.

It does sound a little like point scoring. If either of you are genuinely unwell, it's not up to the other to decide how poorly they are, neither is martyring yourself through an illness.

Whoever is ill, go to bed.