Old, a bit flabby, starting to date again

[Toolatetolatte]

Ok so I’m not old-old. I’m 44. I have 3 DC(youngest is 4). I’m more weathered than I was the last time I dated/was in a relationship, which is about 3 years now. I last had sex about 2 years ago. Since then, I’ve totally gone off the idea of a relationship and sex. But, lately, I’ve started looking on dating apps. Boy, it’s slim-pickin’s out there!
My body isn’t great. I’m a 10/12 and weigh around 9.5stone. So I’m not ‘fat’ but I do have a belly, which I absolutely hate. The flab is accentuated by an old c-section scar. My boobs aren’t big, but after breastfeeding for so long, they’re empty-looking. My body confidence is pretty low.
How do I basically just get over myself and bite the bullet? I want someone for me again but the thought of being intimate with someone again makes me really anxious. Add in to that my IBS… tmi but my ‘wind’ in the evenings is pretty gross, no matter what I eat during the day.
be gentle please. I’m feeling quite low
thanks for reading

Why?

You say you've gone off relationships and sex - so genuinely why?

Why not focus on your relationship with your children and promoting that - your children are very young and would likely be negatively affected by new relationships.

you’re a size 10/12? That’s a lovely slim sized woman.
Men won’t give a monkeys about a slight tum
or a c section scar, theyll just be grateful to be getting some intimacy! x

Yes I'd echo the first poster .why are you looking if you're not actually bothered?
But, assuming you are, you have nothing to worry about size wise. If and only if you will feel better for it, invest in a good bra, nice clothes etc but I'd take a good look at why you're doing it at all. Being coupled up is not compulsory.

I just think you should just quickly jump into bed with someone and that will give you the confidence you need.

It doesn't sound like your ready for dating yet. Why not just focus on looking after yourself and your children?

You don’t need a relationship OP. Focus on the children.

Not quite sure why you’re getting responses telling you to focus on your children

You’re a mum of 3, in your 40s (same as me). Your body is exactly how I would expect it to be, although probably slimmer than most women

I’m lonely i guess. I miss having someone to cuddle up to once the DC are in bed, someone to spend the free weekends with etc.
I think I’d enjoy sex again with the right person. But as one reply said, maybe I should just get it over with with someone? Not really my style, but may well boost my confidence a bit.

I'd say the opposite tbh. Jumping into bed with a random is risky if you have body confidence issues, as not only are there some twats who take their pleasure or boost themselves by making a woman feel bad and playing on her insecurities; there are a lot who will disappear after sex, which may make the OP think (wrongly) her body was at fault. I think she'd be better establishing some sort of relationship to try and weed out the worst types as best she can.

I do nothing but focus on my DC! But when they aren’t here, it’s bloody boring!

I would focus on finding the right person. Being loved will give you the confidence not to worry about all the things you’re worried about.

I wouldn't worry, when I met my fiance I'd had 2 kids, was a size 16 and 36 (obviously not old in the slightest but not young either) and with a c-section scar. Decent men don't care about that sort of thing. I think as long as you're clean, keep your hair nice and make the best of yourself you'll feel more confident.

I disagree. Genuine confidence has to come from you, not someone else. If you feel about crap about yourself, do something about that when you're alone, a gym or running or whatever. Go join hobby groups but seeking validation from a man is a recipe for disaster

Regarding OLD: What do you mean by “slim pickings”?

As your body ages, so do the bodies of your target dating pool. Perhaps that 50 year old with a bit of a gut may turn out to be a great guy who would be fine for companionship and occasional cuddles!

Being realistic - not many men in your age group will be actively looking someone with 3 young kids. You’ll be about 59 when your youngest is remotely ready to fly the nest.

So you are going to have to take some chances.

I don’t think randomly sleeping with men you aren’t fond of will do your self esteem any favours.

I think needing someone else to 'love' you instead of learning to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own company is dangerous.

OP's youngest child is only 4 years old. Both of their parents should be focusing on ensuring that this child and their siblings are coping with their parent's split/relationship breakdown.

Children's need for stability, for security should come long before adults wants for someone 'to cuddle/spend free weekends with'

Learn to live on your own first, to ensure your children are coping well and above all ensure rock solid contraception long before introducing new relationships into their orbit.

See friends, exercise, join clubs, new hobby or skill?

How much time do your children spend at their dad’s?

Having the not perfect body means we cut out many wankers.
Many of my too perfectly shaped friends have found lovely equally not perfectly shaped men in their 40s. I have to say, most of them once they jump back into the dating pool, did go on a bit of fuck it shag.Fest and it did them the world of good!

Completely agree. Being confident and comfortable in your own skin and with your own company needs to be built before looking for someone to fill a man shaped hole imo.

I also agree with a pp that shagging a random bloke who will probably ghost after sex is really not the way to build any sort of self esteem

They will have aged too.

If you are not seeking an Adonis, then you don't need to worry about perfection. They also fart and poop.

Just laugh it off.

However I agree, the dating pool is grim, particularly with the apps and the endless availability and move in/Next culture. Many people enjoy the thrill of the chase, if this isn't what you want, make that clear from the outset.