Mum life is contributing to my low mood and anxiety

[Blessedone1111]

I want to start by saying I love my child but life is starting to feel like torture and a trap.

I work 40 hrs, live with just me and my child and am recovering from my autoimmune disease levels not being under control.

Im basically getting to breaking point more often than not when they day is done I sit in pure anxiety, cry and sometimes have panic / anxiety attacks to the point I can’t breathe (not sure what the right word is). As a cry for help I’ve asked my child’s dad who left the family home nearly two years ago in a quest ‘to sort his head out’ to step in. He doesn’t really have a actual job so earns no money to financially help, he’s been trying to pursue his filming career for years which usually results in him being busy filming and editing so he can’t help as he can not edit at home with little one. Weekends he loves to go for a night out and get the best of both worlds. I tried to explain in one of my low moments that I don’t get to leave and ‘find myself’, half term has come and I can only afford term time child care so I’m at home working with little one. He can decline to help out because he has ‘work’ but I have to suck it up and work with a toddler screaming at me. He can go out and be carefree while I have to beg someone to watch my little one so I can go to the gym to clear my mind. He took it as an attack but I was trying to show how I can’t opt out of parenting and responsibilities. Maybe I’m being selfish but my job actually pays me which allows me to put a roof over mine and little ones head and also allows my little ones dad to not have to pay a thing, I think he should have to watch her while I’m working as it’s worse if I lose my job.

Overall I’m at breaking point I don’t know what to do. Most days I feel like I can’t breathe as I’m trying not to fall apart. Nothing is getting better only worse. I’m basically writing in here as I don’t know what to do to feel better.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling OP, it is so difficult especially when you have no support and dad can just walk away with what feels like no real consequences.

You can’t force him to step up and be there to support you but you can put in a claim for child maintenance and hold him accountable that way. Even if he is earning very little right now it’s worth having the claim open. Try not to dwell too much on the unfairness though, easier said than done I know, but stressing over something you can’t control will drive you mad.

Do you have any friends or family who could help you out, even just to give you a days peace?

@Jellybunny56 i never ask my friends as they got there own children and struggles.

in terms of family everyone is busy, the only time someone is no longer busy and steps in is if I get ill and have to see a doctor or I literally hit breaking point and can’t move to even save myself. Other than that no one has time.

I get it who wants there freedom disturbed by having to watch someone else child but I’m just so done. Don’t know how long I can keep doing this.

Please do reach out to your friends, I would be more than happy to help any of my friends if they were struggling like this, that’s exactly what friends are for so don’t be afraid to lean on the people who love you and want to support you.

I'm so sorry OP, I don't have any real advice, but I'm so angry on your behalf that we as a society allow these useless men to get away with this. How dare the father of your child leave you to struggle like this, it's so wrong.

As pp have said, please do reach out to friends/family - everyone is busy, but we all have our times of being at breaking point, and I would want to support a friend feeling like that no matter what else I had to do.

Are you entitled to any UC? Would you be able to drop a day of work if you were?
My kids' dad has done the same, swanned off to sort himself out and never returned. It is very, very wearing but it does get better, easier, and more fun as kids grow. How old is your child?

@Namechangelikeits1999 no one at work is part time and I’m actually the only mum in the organisation. Even though I’m young I’m keeping up with young childless individuals who live for their job. We are constantly reviewed on our performance I can’t afford to lose this job or be let off.

my child is 3 at the moment

Ok that's understandable. Have you booked any time off this week? What's your manager like, can you explain the situation just so they are aware of how much extra effort you are putting in compared to your colleagues? You need to advocate for yourself - other people bang on about how much they are doing and how great they are all the time, if you don't do the same you'll end up overlooked.
Do you have family to help on weekends? Is there a teenager that you trust who you can pay a small amount to help sometimes? It's so important to get even just a few hours to yourself to recuperate. I'm so passionate about this - I ended up completely burnt out and signed off work because I was doing everything myself with no support.
Also, look for single parent support groups in your area and join the WhatsApp/social media groups as a starting point. There will be others in the same boat.

@Namechangelikeits1999my annual leave renews in January. I basically used all my annual leave for the summer holiday and the previous school holidays.

I explain to my manger that it’s holiday time and some times I will have to work in the night. My main fear is people will get fed up and I understand If you don’t have children you may not know the toll it takes on you. I just don’t want to lose my job if I look too unreliable.

On the weekend everyone wants their own time which I completely understand. I can feel the burn out coming I don’t even know how I still get up to go to work at this point. It sound irresponsible but I’m so done that I’m getting to the point I don’t care if they get rid of me as I’m so fed up. But of course I have a little person relying on me and me only.

I need to find a tribe of people. I tried to set up a group from peanut when I first became a mum but it’s so hard to find mums who want to meet up and not always cancel. I defo need to think of ways to find other single parents and hopefully build a network.

The teenage situation I am the youngest of the family. Believe it or not I’m the one that ends up watching my siblings children but they are too busy to watch mine 😅

Then the next time your siblings ask, put in a request of your own before agreeing to anything. It's only fair.

And put in a CMS claim for the deadbeat dad.

Came on to say this. You need to help yourself. Don’t worry about the people at work with no children, don’t help anyone out who won’t do the same for you.

Yes do what corfcorf says. Also if you end up losing job (highly unlikely) or signed off sick, sometimes these are things that can help us make necessary changes. I know it sounds so scary but this country has a welfare system that will not allow your child to go without a roof over their head.
Do you have a gingerbread group in your area?