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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset if someone said this

10 replies

Lyra25 · 28/10/2025 07:57

At the end of a discussion about money in our relationship. ‘I love you on the whole’
the conversation was about attitude to debt etc, I like my finances to be in order and we were talking about finance for stuff
not the ins and outs of that point of view, but how would you feel personally if a partner said that to you
AIBU to be upset

OP posts:
CulzeanMoncreiff · 28/10/2025 08:11

I think that is quite a spiteful. On the same level as a bad handed compliment. Emotionally immature. I would be wondering why they felt the need to say it over nothing at all.

I wouldn’t necessarily think it was really a reflection on the real level of love they have on the one comment though. It would upset me though, and I suspect that was exactly the point of it.

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 08:12

I’d ask… what do you mean rather than start a mumsnet thread

MinglyMadly · 28/10/2025 08:13

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 08:12

I’d ask… what do you mean rather than start a mumsnet thread

Oh for goodness sake. Why shouldn't she post here? She's asking for peperspective. She won't get that from asking her partner.

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 08:14

MinglyMadly · 28/10/2025 08:13

Oh for goodness sake. Why shouldn't she post here? She's asking for peperspective. She won't get that from asking her partner.

Edited
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Yep, really! 🤭

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 08:14

MinglyMadly · 28/10/2025 08:13

Oh for goodness sake. Why shouldn't she post here? She's asking for peperspective. She won't get that from asking her partner.

Edited
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All ears for your contribution!

DiscoBob · 28/10/2025 08:16

I guess it depends on what the 'but...' was.

If it's just a difference of opinion on the urgency of financial matters then they should explain there's something they would do differently. But to make it out like it stops them from fully loving you is very excessive.

It's the kind of thing you might say to your partner if they drink drove or overdosed on drugs or got arrested. 'I love you as a whole, but if this keeps happening I don't think I can stay with you...' like something really really serious.

Splendidbouquet · 28/10/2025 08:16

Yes I would be upset.

It sounds as though the love is very much conditional and can be withdrawn at any time dependent on behaviour.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 28/10/2025 08:19

That’s just a weird thing to say to be honest. What came before it? Had you disagreed about something?

parietal · 28/10/2025 08:22

If DH has been an idiot about some minor domestic thing, I might say “it’s ok, I mostly love you” which is followed up with a kiss and a smile and is clearly a joke.

so I think to interpret this, it depends on the body language and the rest of the conversation. Did he walk away in a grump after saying this as if it was the “last word”? What else happened in the conversation?

Original poster
Lyra25 · 29/10/2025 08:01

It was just a chat about finances, I’m more conservative and much of the money is mine (for a better way of putting it). So am anxious to ensure on same page before getting financially involved

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