Husbands lack of help

[Char345y]

Both myself and my husband have physical disabilities both painful, I am lucky as I manage to work 3 days a week in a adaptive job, but it's a physical job and very hands on tired,
I work, do 90 percent of housework, all food shop, any cooking even if just pizza and chips, clean bathroom, hoover most rooms, household admin, kids grown up independent, I do all laundry (don't iron I may add)
He's is capable of Moore, if I ask he does little jobs ie strip bed, he washes up but I'm beginning to resent fact I'm working and he does sod all
It's not a compilation who's iller than who but about equal on that score
Fabulous in every other way😩

But why do you keep doing this if he is capable of taking part in running your home?

Fabulous in every other way

He treats you as a maid and not a partner. There is no "fabulous" about him.

Stop framing what you want from him as "help." That implies that it is your job and he benevolently does things but thinks they should fall to you. Tell him you want to be in a relationship with a man. That means an adult. Stop doing things for him, he is not a child. Don't do his washing, don't cook for him, don't do admin for him etc. He does not treat you and your time with respect, so he should have lost yours.

Say "let's take turns making dinner from now on", then do it. Or rather, on his nights, don't do it. When it is your night, have half an hour or whatever before you start, which is chores time. Ask if he wants to hoover or do the laundry, clean the bathroom or dust etc. You do one while he does the other. Say, "Let's get this done and then I'll start dinner". Until he's done his share, nobody eats. He'll adapt if it's the only way to get fed.

Who is he supposed to be helping? These aren’t your jobs so he’s not helping you to do them. He should just be doing his share in the household.

Divide the jobs up. Do yours don’t do his

I feel sorry he is in back pain so I get certain jobs he cannot do but basic meal prep or shopping to a extent he can he's just lazy tbh and when I'm shattered from work I find it abit much