To give DH jobs?

[JellyStarz]

Generally, DH does a good share of housework - washing pots, a bit of a tidy around but he never does the deeper stuff I.e. wash cushion covers, clean woodwork/mirrors/windows, refresh paintwork, hoover bedboard(fabric), dust ceiling fans and tops of doors to name a few.

Today while he was out all day at golf, I was wfh (he is education based so on half term hols) so before I started work and during some breaks I cleaned two windows and our giant bedroom sliding wardrobe mirror doors as well as a general tidy round. There are some niggly jobs ive spotted that need doing I.e. removing a mirror and tightening some parts on it, pulling some drawers out and recovering a wire hider. I didnt have chance to do them today and I am at the office tomorrow.

He will be at home with our DC11 so not too taxed!

AIBU to ask him to have those jobs done? He points out he never ask me to do jobs. He is right, he doesn't. But things do need to be done above beyond day to day housework and he has admittetd he doesnt 'see' then. How do I diplomatically point this out if he comments about being given jobs to do?!

You aren’t giving him ‘jobs’. You’re asking your equal partner, who also lives and exists in your shared home, to do his fair share. He isn’t a child. It’s perfectly reasonable to have a chat with him and tell him he is also responsible for the long term maintenance of your home and that goes beyond a quick pot wash/hoover/tidy up.

Sounds like you need a quid pro quo approach.

"DH, hope you enjoyed golf. I did A, B and C today in between work today - tomorrow when you're home please can you do X, Y and Z?"

We have a whiteboard on the fridge for these types of things - not the obvious everyday stuff like dishwasher and laundry, but the more unusual/one off stuff like clear out all the old coats from the closet or fix the bannister or ring the bank about XYZ. If you get a spare 10 minutes, you can tick a job off the list. Only works if both people are actually willing to do stuff when they can, though 😂

He points out he never ask me to do jobs. He is right, he doesn't.

Because you do them before he even realises they need doing because he doesn't care very much.

FFS, his options here are quite simple:

Option 1: Accept he's shit at noticing there are things in the house that need doing and suck it up when you then ask him to do these things.

Option 2: take a stand in which he decides these things are irrelevant and he's not doing them, and he won't be told to do them by you and, if you then choose to ignore them, over time, things start to fall apart and you become more and more resentful.

Also, to add, he probably does notice them, he just chooses not to do them. eg I notice that the windows are getting dirty. I think about cleaning them. But ultimately, I prioritise other things. And then DH notices them and cleans them. I'm okay with that becuase there are 500 other things that I do and notice tha the simply doesn't. I have often joked to friends that if I'm ever in a coma, they need to come over to my house non a semi-regular basis and a) open windows to air the place b) delimescale all of my appliances c) change the bathmats. All regular tasks that DH is completely and totally oblivious to. in his defense, if he was in a coma, his friends would need to remind me of bin day and how to do the recycling, they'd have to mow the lawn and do the weeding, they'd also have to sweep the kitchen floor because barring getting my robot out twice a week, I don't do it!