Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenager troubles

9 replies

sadsack48 · 27/10/2025 18:05

Ds13 and I have always been fairly close but since starting high school he has totally changed. I don’t know how much of it is typical teen behaviour and how much is him being a bit ungrateful and rude.

He just doesn’t seem to care about us at all. I booked the day off work today as he’s spending most of the week at his dad’s. Took him out for breakfast, bought him some new trainers, he was moody and horrible to his younger sibling (granted they are much younger and quite annoying but he generally has very little time patience for them).

Got home and he skulked off and I basically said he could try to be a little more grateful, he said he never asked for the trainers and take them back if I want to (he did ask for them).

Whenever I try to do anything with him (one on one or as a family) he has no interest. He spends most of his time in his room on his phone or games console. He doesn’t seem to care much about anyone. I remember at his age I was very self obsessed but it was more because I was only interested in my then boyfriend or going out with friends. Ds does have friends and does a lot of sport, but no girlfriend and no pressing matters that mean he has to isolate himself from us so much.

I don’t want to have a go at him because as I said he is going to his dads and I won’t see him for almost a week so don’t want to leave it on a sour note.

Do I just ride this out? It’s very hurtful. I feel like I’ve always been lenient on him and perhaps spoiled him with material things a bit. But only through love and because generally he’s always been a good lad - sensible at school, kind to friends etc.

OP posts:
chunkychoos · 27/10/2025 18:12

Normal teenage behaviour to spend lots of time alone in bedroom, on phone or xbox etc. & to have sibling quarrels.

But I'd be taking those trainers back to the shop straight away. And my teenager would be hearing some hard truths and earning the chance to get some trainers from now on.

sadsack48 · 27/10/2025 18:21

I just sometimes wonder if I’ve failed as a parent when he’s so distant and unbothered. Growing up he was the most loving boy. Never had any issues with him at school. He’s shy but polite. Now it’s like he cant stand us and any criticism just means he’ll strop off and sulk. School holidays are really hard because I have younger dc and understandably he doesn’t want to do things with us.

OP posts:
Ohdearanotherone · 27/10/2025 18:22

Mine is exactly the same. I think we just have to ride this stage out 😬

Endofyear · 27/10/2025 20:01

Ahh you're not a bad parent, he's just a 13 year old - most of them go through this stage! It's ok to pull him up on rudeness and being mean to his sibling but I'd pick your battles at his age. I'd also point out to him that if he's rude and ungrateful, you won't be giving lifts, buying treats or doling out pocket money! But mostly, just be breezy and cheerful and don't take it personally. He doesn't hate you, but teenagers do start to distance themselves from parents a bit at this age - they do come back. Sending hugs and solidarity 💐

Bufftailed · 27/10/2025 20:08

Can you find something v low key you can do together? A tv show? Cinema? If he likes sport a game? My DC16 is now keener go do stuff that he was

Bufftailed · 27/10/2025 20:10

sadsack48 · 27/10/2025 18:21

I just sometimes wonder if I’ve failed as a parent when he’s so distant and unbothered. Growing up he was the most loving boy. Never had any issues with him at school. He’s shy but polite. Now it’s like he cant stand us and any criticism just means he’ll strop off and sulk. School holidays are really hard because I have younger dc and understandably he doesn’t want to do things with us.

Can you also stop putting pressure on him to do stuff? Or at least not all the time. Pick your battles and try to find the positive

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 20:13

He sounds like a totally normal teenager.

Does his younger sibling have the same father?

Sleepthief · 27/10/2025 21:34

Yes, you just have to ride this out. It’s very hard, and, contrary to what people will tell you, it is 100% personal! It’s part of the natural process of growing up and becoming independent; they have to push their parents, who they’ve always relied on, away. They do generally come out the other side eventually, and hopefully you’ll all have weathered the storm and maintained your relationship. Don’t return the trainers, that’s just grist to the mill for the teenage brain!

sadsack48 · 27/10/2025 22:16

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 20:13

He sounds like a totally normal teenager.

Does his younger sibling have the same father?

No but my dh has been in his life since he was small and they have a good relationship.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread