Annoyed at friend who smokes and takes half of the party with him out?

[Meowmeowgirl]

Don’t get me wrong people who wanna smoke can smoke, not my lungs who gets ruined anyways, buuut, when me and my partner host parties we always have a friend who smokes. We are a group of 8-10 people and ONLY he smokes. The annoying part «heey u guys join me out for a smoke» like 4-5 people he brings with him out at our door since we don’t have a garden. And then the party inside kinda dies, and we not talking about them hanging out there for 5-10 minutes but sometimes even for 30 min and 1 hour to smoking, the rest just joins him without smoking, Wich is ridiculous in my opinion. Like why join a party if u just gonna spend most of the evening killing ur lungs outside the party. When he can’t join then they stay inside and no one goes out besides when we are ready for town. I feel i get extra annoyed at this when its my birtdhay celebration and i only see them here and there because most of them joins him out. And then makes me feel like my party is shit or sthm

😂

This demonstrates the old saying "the most interesting people, are the ones outside"

That means the people outside smoking are likely ro be more fun to be around than the ones inside who don't.

It's because smoking is bad for you. So if someone is willing to do something that's bad for them, they are going to be more interesting to be around than someone who isn't willing to do something that'd for them.

They are likely to have more stories and be more impulsive. Making for better company.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Go outside with your guests, you don't have to smoke to stand outside and have a chat.

The thing is , these people don’t have to go, they choose to go. I’m a smoker and I often say “no thanks” when someone says “let’s go for a fag” for various reasons. You can’t blame him because other people want to join him. Your best option is to not invite him that often, or at all.

@AmethystAnnotation i rather not sit in the cold like an idiot when i don’t even smoke😆

No one would be given space to smoke in our house. Absolutely not. We now don’t know anyone who smokes. It’s just not acceptable amongst our friends. In your case, OP, I would not invite him. Keep the party to non smokers and a bit smaller so everyone stays inside!

Had a work colleague who did this to me every time i got chatting to her works bestie on nights out. He was guy, i was in no way interested and we all had partners at the time, but there was definitely an element of making sure she stayed centre of his attention. He even got annoyed at her always asking if in middle of conversation. I felt a bit of a plonker sitting on my todd until they came back or more people joined us. Thankfully I don’t work there anymore.

@OhDear111 only shit is that hes part of the main group. If he wasn’t it be easier to just flick it off. kinda sucks because when he can’t join then no ones leave the party and enjoy and its not like it gets crowded either

Why do you care so much? You sound weirdly controlling, he isn’t forcing anyone to go outside with him, they are adults with free will who are choosing to go outside. Maybe next time he asks people to join him you should say to your guests, no you should all stay inside with me and see how that goes down. Unclench love, it’s not that deep.

If people are choosing to go stand outside in the dark and cold he's obviously more fun and interesting than whatever is going on inside.

This. No one is being forced to go, they are choosing to, and you are trying to control people’s choices which is really weird.

I sympathise OP because it’s a bit rude to come to small house party and disappear for an hour, and annoying when a large group does it. But it’s also fun to chat outside and they like being with your smoker friend. You could try explaining to him before the party that it spoils the dynamic inside and ask him to come back quickly. Would be listen do you think?

Im not gonna get into the issues of friendship etc but is there anywhere he can smoke inside? In kitchen with a window open, if you've got candles going near the area it absorbs the smoke? If not, its just one of those things you are going to have to put up with.

FYI im the smoker that goes outside inevitably on my own as noone else does and I come back with 10 new friends, alot of whom are vaping or just outside with their smoker mates.

@HoppingPavlova I don’t really agree. One person is being a leader and others are following. I’d just change who coms to the party. Try a different mix of people. @CombatBarbie I don’t know a single person who would allow smoking in their house. It’s a big no. Neither do we have smokers as friends. Those who did have given up. He should go out and maybe the OP needs to have a garden party?

@OhDear111 I don’t really agree. One person is being a leader and others are following.

People only follow if they want to🤷‍♀️. I doubt the guy has a gun. They are making a choice as to who they want to follow where, not being forced. The OP does not like the fact they are choosing to follow him and wants to control that. As you say, the whole thing could be fixed by inviting a different crowd.

Was only trying to give a solution where the op doesnt feel aggrieved because the party moves outside because of one person. She doesnt have a garden or a patio. She's in Norway, ive no idea what a typical house looks like.

Smokers are not cool, they are idiots. I have particular contempt for “social smokers” - those who tick the non smoker box on health questionnaires but nevertheless spend every night out bumming fags off other people.

Thats not the point on this thread

@Irenesortof fr one thing is being outside like 5-15 min but for more than 30 min and somethimes even an hour like why u come to my party if ur plan is to hang outside, or at least don’t try to bring the whole crowd our with u. People mostly some of them follow him becaue «i don’t wamna smoke alone outide, so u coming with me and u!». One thing if we had a balcony but we don’t🤣. But no i don’t want people to smoke inside my home i hate smoke smell

I was suggesting that you could explain the problem to your friend before the party and ask him only to stay outside for a few minutes so that you didn't lose half your guests. Would he listen to this suggestion do you think?

You need to face up to the fact that the majority of people you know would rather do that because spending time with him is more fun and enjoyable, despite being cold and subjectively looking like an idiot, than being inside with you.

That’s the reality of the situation you are describing.

@FuzzyWolf broo why always blame it on the host🤣
if standing in the cold coughing counts as more fun, I’ll happily stay the boring warm one with drinks and music.
Pluss That’s cute. I didn’t realize freezing outside also counted as a personality trait now.

Perhaps you lack of understanding adds to people staying away from you at a party. Personally, I can see why they’d be avoiding you! 🤣

@FuzzyWolf
Lol, wow, avoiding me? Nah, just avoiding standing outside doing nothing. Easy mistake to make, and if they where avoiding me they woulnd’t even show up to the party at all so ur point is Online Party Police 🤣?

Maybe stop talking like a wannabe TV road man?

@BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind Funny how you’re commenting on me while clearly being the wannabe critic here 😆