to feel guilty for DH putting DD to bed.

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

I'm 34 weeks PG and for the past few weeks, he's been giving me his lie in at the weekends, which has been a lifesaver as I've been feeling SO exhausted. We usually split the bed times on saturdays and sundays, one each.

Anyway - I am usually on morning, day and bed time duty with DD Monday to Friday as DH works long days. He's just come back from 2 nights away with work and after a social night last night he said he was feeling tired when he got home at 4:30pm today. He offered to put DD to bed and I didn't argue. I had dinner to cook and it's a nice change for me not to do it and the thought of starting dinner earlier was great.

I felt awfully guilty though because he was tired and it's usually 'my job' during the week. What would you have done?

Whooosh. She swoops in and all cower before the towering feminist righteousness of Xenia.

I don't think my DH ever did the early mornings when dd was little. Ddn't bother me, I like getting up early, he doesn't. It worked for us. I think a good ratio, is one that works for you, no one else.

Agree with Xenia.

Why is it him doing you a favour here?

Don't feel guilty, she is his daughter too. DH gets up and dresses DD every morning and does nursery run while I do breakfast, in evening it is whoever isn't doing supper that puts her to bed.

Thankyouandgoodnight - I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about at all. It's great that your dh is considerate enough to arrange it so that you can have w/e lie-ins but I don't like the sound of him hinting about his own tiredness in the hope that you will cave in and take over his duties for him. Sorry but that sounds a wee bit immature if don't mind me saying so.

Agree with PointyDog and that's a good point from ThingOne about him having to do more when yr new baby arrives. Might as well break him in now!!

My dh works long hours but still manages to take dd to school most mornings and puts her to bed 4 nights out of 7 when he is not travelling. He cooks too! (I work part-time.) It's our experience that it's almost easier for the person coming in from the outside the home - despite feeling tired - to do the cooking or bed/bath routine because they gain momentum from the change of scene (if that makes sense).

(Xenia your Reprogramming w/e sounds rather wonderful. Do the female candidates arrive wearing pinnies, clutching feather dusters and leave dressed in black leather jump-suits brandishing cattle prods I wonder??? )

Boyz is totally right. I work full time and when I get home I start building lego ships/reading stories/whatever. It would never occur to me to put my feet up unless I was actually ill. Bet you wouldn't either, would you? (I do pay someone else to cook dinner and clean up though!)

Yes, they would arrive like Stepford Wives and leave thinking like women of 2008 that men and women work and each can deal with children. Only spanner in the works is plenty of women settle to marry (and bring up sons who become) very sexist men so the men need to come on the course too.

Xenia - you may actually have a bit of a point!! I work part-time and so the bulk of the child care in the week is my responsibility and there is definitely part of me that thinks I should do the bulk of 'home stuff'. I find it easier and quicker than DH does, mainly because he is generally less practical and doesn't think ahead. He does help out loads though. Therein lies a clue - I said 'helps out' rather than 'does loads'.....

I don't see anything that relates to our children as my job or dh's job, tbh.

If I am here on my own, I do it. If he is here, either of us do it.

Don't feel guilty, dd is his too & he should be doing more now to allow you to rest!

I am 34 weeks too, so I know how you feel! My dh is good, I am no longer allowed to do chores through the day. Dd [4] is my only responsibility. He picks up the slack in the evening/weekend!

All I do is sweep the kitchen floor, but that is mainly because the dog is moulting whilte hair onto the black tiles and I cannot stand it!

She is his dd, he should sometimes put her to bed, there is no reason why it should always be your job!
Xenia do you have a programme for sexist BILs? My BIL laughed out loud when I told him that dh would be looking after ds1 on Saturdays after I went back to work ( I work Saturdays) The idea of a man being in sole care of a child was completely foreign to him.

get all the rest you can when the next one comes you will be even more tired, i often feel guilty if i get dh to do things that i normally do but i just ignore it it makes you human to feel guilty

DH always puts children to bed despite working long hours becuase he doesn't see them all day and I see them a lot more so that is his time. don't see anythign wrong with it

Actually, TYAGN, it is probably no harn for dd to get used to dh putting her to bed as there may be times when you are dealinfg with a screaming baby and dh will have to look after dd.

Why guilty? He offered to do something and you go do something else. It's not like he offered to clean out a blocked toilet with his bare hands.