To think about baby #3..

[PumpkinCinnamonSpice]

We are very lucky to get exactly what we ordered, a little boy followed by a little girl. Perfectly healthy and we’re very blessed.

I’m 37 now and currently not on contraception - he pulls out which I know the risks. We’re at a point I feel where I don’t want to be on contraception with all the issues it brings so it’s either try for another and last, or him have the snip.

DS is 9 and DD is 4 and in her last year before school - the thought of her going to school and me being home for the first time without a baby or toddler (DD was born days after DS started reception) for the first time in almost 10 years is breaking my heart, as much as I’ve wished for days to myself over the past 10 years!

Part of me thinks should we have another given my age it’s probably the last chance, we can afford it, we know what we’re doing, will we regret it if we don’t..

another thinks we have 2 perfect children, what if this time we aren’t so lucky etc and do I use getting some time back to retrain etc.

opinions or experiences would be appreciated!

Well then you should know that there’s often huge drips

As much as I get this, with this logic you could say this after one.

Fair enough. I tend to take posts at face value. It makes the site more enjoyable.

I feel like the ages are perfect for another tbh! I had 4.5 years between my first two and Id love a similar gap with a third. The wonderful luxury of giving each child everything of your time and it prolongs the fun years (and stops jealousy and competitiveness between siblings!)

I don’t think it’s so much about the increased risk alone (which does exist, no matter if small), it’s also about someone’s capacity to cope with caring for a disabled child, since they have multiple children already, and the impact on those existing children.

This is a very strange attitude to have

Surely you have seen thread after thread after thread whether the drips completely change the entire OP

Could you cope if child had special needs? Could you cope if you had twins? Can you afford it? Don’t underestimate how utterly exhausting the teenage years are whilst dealing with menopause.
The age gaps would bother me a bit. The 9 year old will very soon out grow some childish things and it will be a bit of a balancing act to occupy all three together in something.
Just a few things to think about. Plenty of women have the same dilemma nclufing myself. With a severely disabled niece I see how hard it is for DB and DSIL so we counted our blessings and stopped. Once the teenage years hit I was very much grateful of my decision but everyone is different.

Actually I'm not sure it is ok for people to not want disabled children - obviously disability isn't a choice anyone would make for themselves or anyone else, but if you choose parenthood you choose your child, whoever they are and whoever they become. Disability is part of life, anyone can become disabled at any time, it's not as if you can opt out of being a parent if your child becomes disabled just because it's not something you wanted.

A few. Not the majority though.

Well that’s exactly why people are pointing out that the possibility of coping with a disability has to be considered before opting to add a third children into the mix.

Weigh the choice up with the risks, your ability to cope with it and the impact it would have.

Sensible advice for when anyone chooses to have a child, be that the first or the third.

‘Not wanting disabled children’ pertains more to it being a factor in the choice to go ahead and actively conceive or not.

Lots of parents terminate for disabilities. Is that wrong?
Personally I wouldn’t terminate for disabilities. I had no tests or screening when pregnant. I am very aware that we are all just one illness/accident away from severe disability. I don’t see there is anything wrong when considering whether to have a third child because of risks of disability when you have two kids already. Any child you bring into the family will change the dynamic - a child with a disability more so. When you have seen in your own family how utterly exhausting and stressful life can be it’s prudent to consider how that could happen to you especially if the family disability has a genetic risk. Some people know they have the mental and physical capacity to take on anything. I know I would struggle to do so with TWO other dc. If I just had one child already I would feel more confident in my ability to cope.

I think the basis of suggesting the 3rd maybe disabled, is the toll it would take on the other two “healthy” and “able bodied” children. I hope I have my terminology right, if I don’t I apologise.
But it’s the same on stretching time, stretching money etc.
We always said two kids, prob get flamed but we thought two to play with each other and hopefully a friend in life as they grow up.
I had the itch for a a third, my husband said no and he was probably right.
Im too old now I think at 40, I wanted another at 38.
My kids are lovely and I’m so lucky. They do cost a fortune though especially now, the itch does lessen and I think it’s probably like a omg it’s my last chance and babies are so cute kinda deal.
But if you feel you have the money and can handle three, plus another pregnancy and the feeling is that strong, you’ll do it anyway. So really it’s down to you. But it’s just the impact on everyone in the family to consider that’s all.

Why? Can you not see how that would make life much more difficult for her existing family? Why take that risk if you already are lucky enough to have two children?

To me the issue of the risk of a disabled child is the impact it would have on the whole household. Maybe the parents do want and will love a child, regardless of disability, but practically they might need to consider the way this would impact the other children e.g. less time/attention, disruption, changes to home life. I mean if I went for a third and if they had a physical disability this would mean having to move as we live in a townhouse with lots of steps going up to the house and then stairs within the house. With the cost of houses where I live this would result in moving location (so impact on children's school) and potentially the current children having to share a bedroom as we wouldn't be able to afford a larger property.

Without knowing the OPs financial circumstances and ability to manage anything like this we cannot comment.

Parents do terminate pregnancies if their baby is disabled. Is that wrong in your opinion?

I was trying to say this, unsuccessfully.

You haven’t really given reasons why you actively want another other than you’ll be sad when the youngest starts school and you won’t have any little ones at home with you. Even if you have a third that will happen eventually, you’re just delaying the inevitable.

I get the impression the op doesn't go to work.

When her youngest is at school, there's no excuse not to get a job, even a part time one.

Babies take up a huge amount of time and effort and with three you're always going to be juggling. Why not put all that time and effort into the two you already have? You're oldest will be much, much older and finding things that entertain them and a young child is always going to very difficult.

The main reason I wouldn't have another though is because the future isn't looking that bright, jobs are hard to come by, competition is fierce, house prices are through the roof. You might be able to afford three now, but much better to have only 2 and have more money to help them get started at uni/in adult life IMO.

We have always had dogs . They are wonderful friends .Maybe a PT job to fit in as well? I did both ,and no time over TBH! Relaxed on doggie walks and made new friends

Except you can find about some conditions prenatally and choose not to have that child.

Yes... And his father was in and out of debtors' prison and Charles was sent as a child to work in a factory...

As others have said, you seem to be considering a third because you will miss having a baby at home and don’t want to worry about contraception. Neither suggest you actively want a third child. We had a girl and a boy and then went for a third and it’s perfect for us. But it’s a lot, so, so busy and noisy and tiring and only gets more complex as they get older. So not something to go into lightly!

Considering how expensive life has become and how difficult it is to get a job and afford a home, why not focus on helping your two existing children as much as possible?