Speaking to the other women (cheating partner)

Isitvintage · 2025-10-26T11:11:29+00:00

My partner cheated. I stayed with him for a little while to collect the evidence as he constantly denied it. Something in me needs to know the full story - I just need to know. So I have found hardcore concrete evidence. Yes I went through his phone and found pictures and text messages. I want to contact the other women (there are 2 who he has promised the world to and who seem to believe they are in a relationship with him). Maybe I am being unreasonable. But has anyone ever contacted the other women involved? What did you say?

TheDuchessPark · 26/10/2025 11:13

Whats your partner said when you confronted them first of all? Are you looking to contact them to gather more evidence? Depends what you want out of the contact i suppose...

PuzzlesonSaturday · 26/10/2025 11:16

Don't. You owe them nothing and it will achieve nothing. You have all the evidence you need. If you think confronting them will make you feel better, you are almost certainly going to be disappointed.

You must concentrate on doing what is best for you and your children (and get rid of your shitty husband).

Endofyear · 26/10/2025 11:20

I honestly don't think contacting the other women will make you feel better or help you move on. You will just hear more evidence that your ex is a liar, a cheat and has treated you appallingly. But you already know this so why do you need to hear more? Don't get stuck in this place. Switch your thinking to the future and leave the past where it belongs.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2025 11:25

What will hearing what they have to say change? You know that he cheated, you’ve seen evidence of it from his end. That’s the full story, isn’t it? They could tell you they had no knowledge he was in a relationship - and you’ll still have no idea whether that’s true or not. As others have said, concentrate on moving forwards with your own life and don’t waste energy you’ll need to drive you forwards through the separation trying to chase answers which won’t tell you anything behind the important fact you already know: that he cheated.

Almostwelsh · 26/10/2025 11:27

The only reason to contact her is if you suspect she doesn't know he's not single. Then you'd be doing her a favour.

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 11:28

Maybe it’s still so raw and I’m so upset and angry right now.

He said he does have other (older) children and he doesn’t see the mum - we would have met when the younest was born which makes me sick. But text messages show they had sex with the mum this year - he didn’t tell me he had kids. He told me she abused him and he has been sending those messages so that he can start seeing his kids again. But clearly he hasn’t been in their lives for years and it seemed they touched base again recently.

The second woman he has told me about but as a friend. So I weirdly know of her but she lives in a different city. I actually just called her. She said “I can have him, she’s done with him” they were dating but she didn’t confirm the timeline. From their text it seems it’s a long distance relationship and he has promised to marry her.

I am so confused.

I don’t know I just feel like I can’t move forward until I know. I don’t know. Does not knowing more really not help?

In a weird way I want to know that I’m not alone. Almost confirmation that he really has done this to other women.

He has told me that they are just text messages and a joke.

They are clearly not.

OP posts:

Iclyn · 26/10/2025 11:29

No need , you already realise he's not worth a moment more of your headspace .
Move him along .

Awrite · 26/10/2025 11:32

People lie. People who cheat definitely lie. Why would you want to hear anything out of the mouth of a lying cheating good for nothing?

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 11:33

Almostwelsh · 26/10/2025 11:27

The only reason to contact her is if you suspect she doesn't know he's not single. Then you'd be doing her a favour.

I think the second girl knows he was in a relationship.

The first one who he has 2 kids with has shown that they clearly split because he cheated on her. And also both their children are very sick. So she seems to think they are getting back together. I think I wanted to call her to let her know she’s not going crazy because the text messages show him clearly gaslighting her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 11:33

Awrite · 26/10/2025 11:32

People lie. People who cheat definitely lie. Why would you want to hear anything out of the mouth of a lying cheating good for nothing?

Your right. He keeps lying. So I think I wanted to hear from the women. If they will speak to me.

OP posts:

jeaux90 · 26/10/2025 11:51

What’s the point? Just finish with him and move on.

SadlyNotATroll · 26/10/2025 12:02

I contacted the other woman. We met for a coffee and I truly believed she’d been lied to and duped by my ex, sold a story that we were separated and living together, tale as old as time. I left the meeting with her feeling we were both better off without him. 6 weeks later he’d managed to convince her I was a lying domestic abuser and was putting on an act the whole time I’d met her. She fell for it and they got back together. I wish I’d walked away as soon as I found out about the affair and never bothered to meet her.

Imbrocator · 26/10/2025 12:05

I would tell them both. If they don’t know he’s cheating on them and lying to them, then they should. If they do know, then they should face the consequences of that, and own up to the hurt it’s caused.

I don’t know if it will make you feel better to speak to them, but if I was in your place I know it would bother me deeply to think that I’d had the chance to stop the same thing happening to another woman and just ignored it. You have all been hurt by this man. On a personal level, it’s also natural to want to know how much someone has deceived you, so that you can try to protect yourself against it in future.

snowwhiteisfeelinggrumpy · 26/10/2025 12:12

"I don’t know I just feel like I can’t move forward until I know. I don’t know. Does not knowing more really not help?"

Gently OP - you need to stop giving your power away. Do not rely on anyone else to get closure. You need to get closure for yourself.

You know he lied. You know they were part of this. So get rid of this lying SOB and move on to a better life. Do it now.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. x

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2025 12:49

So from you saying you didn’t even know he had children with his ex and have realised that he was probably still with another ex when you met, it sounds as though this isn’t a terribly long term relationship you’ve been in and you aren’t tied by finances, property, shared DC etc? Just chuck him and be done with it. He’s clearly a serial cheat, has been seeing multiple women at the same time, and you’ve found this out early on. Take your closure from that, that unlike his exes and mothers of his children, you haven’t wasted years and years building a life and a family with him and can move forward without that to negotiate.

chunkyBoo · 26/10/2025 13:22

I’d cut him off, get a STD screen, and let the ladies know if you have a positive. He’s bad news, leave

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 14:44

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2025 12:49

So from you saying you didn’t even know he had children with his ex and have realised that he was probably still with another ex when you met, it sounds as though this isn’t a terribly long term relationship you’ve been in and you aren’t tied by finances, property, shared DC etc? Just chuck him and be done with it. He’s clearly a serial cheat, has been seeing multiple women at the same time, and you’ve found this out early on. Take your closure from that, that unlike his exes and mothers of his children, you haven’t wasted years and years building a life and a family with him and can move forward without that to negotiate.

Edited

We have a 1 year old. so sadly committed. We’ve been together for 5 years.

I didn’t know he had children. We spend every day together but we sometimes have had weekends where we’ve been apart. I have a small business so sometimes I’m busy and sometimes he visits family. We live in the same house which we’ve recently moved into, but I do have my own flat so looking at moving back there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 14:44

To add it’s only since we’ve moved in together this year that I noticed strange patterns which led to me investigating this

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2025 15:03

Honestly, wanting to hear from the other women he’s been having sex with for closure is a red herring here. You’ve been together for five years and have had a child together, and he didn’t tell you he already had children! You didn’t know he had children! He has children who he doesn’t see, hasn’t made any attempt to see, presumably doesn’t pay any maintenance for. As another poster said, stop giving your power away by relying on anything other than your own self-worth to move forward. Give yourself permission to say “this man is a shitbag through and through, whatever any other women may or may not say is neither here nor there, there’s nothing else I need to know in order to know that this is truly the right decision and that he is a liar and will drag me down.”

Original poster

Isitvintage · 26/10/2025 19:31

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2025 15:03

Honestly, wanting to hear from the other women he’s been having sex with for closure is a red herring here. You’ve been together for five years and have had a child together, and he didn’t tell you he already had children! You didn’t know he had children! He has children who he doesn’t see, hasn’t made any attempt to see, presumably doesn’t pay any maintenance for. As another poster said, stop giving your power away by relying on anything other than your own self-worth to move forward. Give yourself permission to say “this man is a shitbag through and through, whatever any other women may or may not say is neither here nor there, there’s nothing else I need to know in order to know that this is truly the right decision and that he is a liar and will drag me down.”

Your right. I need to just walk away and pick myself up from this. Thanks

OP posts: