I feel like a loser.

Elfie111 · 2025-10-26T00:12:13+00:00

I’ve just had a baby. (In the last year) I’m still 2 stone over weight. I look like I’ve aged 10 years over night. I feel like all my peers (some who have had babies at the same time) are back to their old selves. They look normal and nice whereas I’m still struggling to look and feel normal. I used to be really attractive at one point. Now I feel like I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything because of how I look. I don’t have many friends and those I do have aren’t very nice or are around for what they can get (I have certain perks with my job that I do treat people to. I noticed once that stopped when I was on maternity leave a lot of my ‘friends’ stopped bothering to even contact me anymore. I had a pretty hard childhood. Mother had NPD and father was a paedophile. I don’t really know what my question is but maybe it’s do I feel like this because I had a rough childhood. So my lens is kind of dark (glass half empty/ quick to anger/ PTSD). What can I do to get myself back together. I guess leaving the baby with their dad would be a start so I can go and do things like go to the hairdresser or get a manicure. Rambling post. Thank you if you got to the end. ♥️

WhatIsTheCharge · 26/10/2025 01:24

Well firstly: you’re not a loser ❤️

Secondly: your body has been through the most epic change the human body ever experiences. It takes 9 months to grow a baby and it takes at least another 9 months for you to properly recover from it. If you want to lose the weight you gained: great. But there’s no rush to push yourself into a mad diet and exercise regime. Even small adjustments to diet and gentle exercise (like going for a walk with baby in the pram or a carrier) is a great gentle start, and it’s something easy to slip into your daily routine without feeling like a chore.

I also found it really hard to come to terms with the fact that my body just looks different after babies. But over time, I’ve stopped thinking about it and comparing myself to how I looked pre-babies. She was a different person to the version of me that’s a mum, and it’s ok that I’m in a different version of my body too. I still have days where I’ll put an outfit on and cringe in the mirror, but it’s a lot less than before!

The people you describe sound shit OP. Friends don’t behave like that. I’ve also found it hard to make proper friends as an adult, but people who I consider some of my closest friends I met at baby/child-related places. One of them I met at a baby/toddler playgroup when my eldest was just a baby - she’s nearly 11 and I still talk to that friend most days even though we now live in different countries.
It’s also perfectly ok for you to leave baby with dad! He’s as much a parent as you are, and everyone needs time for themselves every so often. Absolutely go get your hair done, get a manicure - go have a coffee by yourself! Those things are important, especially if they make you feel good about yourself ❤️

Ella31 · 26/10/2025 01:30

Dont be so hard on yourself. Putting aside all the trauma you have endured, having a baby is nothing short of chaos on your hormones. My baby is 6 months old and I feel like rubbish.

Add to that you have been through a lot. I think your suggestion of getting out without your baby is a good idea. It doesnt have to be beauty treatments, even a solo coffee, massage, walk is so beneficial.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/10/2025 01:33

Yes, do go to the hairdresser etc. Spend a bit of time on yourself - new mothers can ‘lose themselves’ a bit.

Original poster

Elfie111 · 26/10/2025 01:34

WhatIsTheCharge · 26/10/2025 01:24

Well firstly: you’re not a loser ❤️

Secondly: your body has been through the most epic change the human body ever experiences. It takes 9 months to grow a baby and it takes at least another 9 months for you to properly recover from it. If you want to lose the weight you gained: great. But there’s no rush to push yourself into a mad diet and exercise regime. Even small adjustments to diet and gentle exercise (like going for a walk with baby in the pram or a carrier) is a great gentle start, and it’s something easy to slip into your daily routine without feeling like a chore.

I also found it really hard to come to terms with the fact that my body just looks different after babies. But over time, I’ve stopped thinking about it and comparing myself to how I looked pre-babies. She was a different person to the version of me that’s a mum, and it’s ok that I’m in a different version of my body too. I still have days where I’ll put an outfit on and cringe in the mirror, but it’s a lot less than before!

The people you describe sound shit OP. Friends don’t behave like that. I’ve also found it hard to make proper friends as an adult, but people who I consider some of my closest friends I met at baby/child-related places. One of them I met at a baby/toddler playgroup when my eldest was just a baby - she’s nearly 11 and I still talk to that friend most days even though we now live in different countries.
It’s also perfectly ok for you to leave baby with dad! He’s as much a parent as you are, and everyone needs time for themselves every so often. Absolutely go get your hair done, get a manicure - go have a coffee by yourself! Those things are important, especially if they make you feel good about yourself ❤️

Thank you ♥️

OP posts:

Gilgogirl · 26/10/2025 01:42

Make yourself get up every morning and be happy that you have this wonderful little in your life and then every day day make an effort to take your bundle of joy out for a walk every single day.y dress warmly if it gets colder. I never let my babies stop me from going anywhere and took them everywhere with me. They’re in their 30’s now and remember having fun when they were little. I took them to the park, beach, family visits, stores, food shopping. Just every where. You have to move to feel better. Good luck. It’s tough in the beginning but you have to do it for you and your baby

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 26/10/2025 01:52

One year is nothing, if anything you’re doing brilliantly all things considered.

If you’re able to leave the baby with your partner, get yourself a pamper moment every now and then, it will help you get back to feeling good even if you have to drag yourself to go do it.

I was a lot more diligent with this when I had DD than what I am now and I honestly think at the time it saved me.

Gilgogirl · 26/10/2025 01:01

And you know what . There’s nothing wrong with doing things by yourself.

Gilgogirl · 26/10/2025 01:03

It makes you understand yourself better