AMIBU to expect some medical help in these circumstances?!

[13MAPARTHELL]

3 year old & sleep

I literally cannot do this anymore

My 4 year old has AUDHD & my 3 year old doesnt sleep, he has ectopic eczema & an absolutely insane separation issue when it comes to sleep and his dad, he cannot self soothe what so ever.

If I go anywhere near him, hes room etc he goes mental he does not respond at all, even if I offered him his favourite thing.

If we leave him to cry it out, he will shred his skin - despite strong steroids, melatonin, antihistamine and anti itch skin barriers.
He itches when hes upset, but it will literally become infected and so it gets worse!

We paid for a sleep specialist when he a baby, because again, he never slept well. For example, hes only slept 2 consecutive nights through since birth and he is 4 in may.

He wakes minimum 3 times a night, and throughout even with his dad there but is easier to settle with his dad there, he struggles to keep still and find comfort, again since birth.

He walks into things, stares off into space all the time during the day and starts school in September, how he will be ready for this I dont know. Hes very small for his age, he hasnt grown since he was 2, my 4 year old is massive next to him and he is just under average.

We have tried bribing, sticker charts, presents, me going in etc & half the time I end up on my shitty sofa & dad works 4am - 6pm!!!!

we have both previously been diagnosed with depression due to exhaustion because of lack of sleep! This is in our GP notes and he was referred to a sleep specialist a year ago with no outcome yet

I honestly dont know what the fuck to do!? Its getting worse and i feel like im going to lose it

You need to go back to your GP. Firstly, there are developmental concerns here and you need to be absolutely clear with your GP that your son will not be ready to start school if progress is not made. His not growing is a genuine medical concern. Secondly, eczema can be better managed than this and you need a regime that keeps him comfortable and allows him to rest. Write everything down before you attend your appointment and go with your husband if you can. You need referrals to a consultant paediatrician and a dermatologist. You may need to be very firm about this. If you don't get anywhere, I strongly suggest you enlist PALS support.

I would have both tested for coeliac disease, higher incidence with autism and ADHD and can restrict growth. Also can occur alongside lactose intolerance which is often a trigger for eczema.

There is a 30% chance that a child has adhd if their sibling does, and around a 20% chance with autism. Sleep disturbances are part of the diagnosis criteria for both.

I would recommend trying melatonin which works amazingly for my adhd child. You can buy it over the counter in small doses in pretty much every European country except the uk. Or you can have it prescribed in the uk, but the gp won’t usually do it so you’ll need a referral/waiting list for a sleep clinic.

Hes very small for his age, he hasnt grown since he was 2

This you should be pushing hard to see an endocrinologist about. Sleep & growth are very linked. Print out the NICE guidelines regarding faltering growth and tell your gp you insist on a referral to endocrinology (you may have to go via paediatrics first). It could take a long time, if you can pay for a private one it will be much faster .

Have you had him tested for allergies?

When you say not being ready for school, is that the separation? Or are there other things that make you think he's delayed (you don't need to explain)?

I would first work on the eczema. The current regime isn't working. You may well need some dietary changes to aid with this - dairy and gluten are the 2 that spring to mind, and have already been mentioned by a PP. That might also help with his weight. Once he isn't trying to rip his skin off, then look at the other stuff, but at the moment he is so uncomfortable, I'm not surprised he isn't sleeping well, or resettling.

They always refuse, dermatologist explained that hes type of eczema makes him sensitive to external environmental allergens but that allergy testing at this age is very inaccurate, this was great ormond street specialist who had been covering my local hospital.

struggle not due to developmental delays, he dosnt have anything like that, that we are aware of but due to sleep, he struggles to concentrate and is very clumsy, stares off into space and bumps into things because hes so tired, but he also doesn’t really sleep during the day at all.

we have tried dairy many times and sadly it made no difference, its a good shout regarding gluten aa he does also have a pot belly despite not really eating much its very bloated and hard alot of the time, I did an econsult last week where i went in hard & within the hour had dermatologist and immunology appointment come through, so im guessing that this will be for allergy testing or dupixent, god theres alot going on right now 😂

Have you had him tested for coeliac. My now 5 year old DD had bad eczema as a baby, improved with removing gluten. Then we gradually reintroduced at around 2 with no issues. At 3 she started having issues with reduced weight gain and constipation despite eating very healthily. At 4 gp sent her for a coeliac test which came back positive so we fully removed gluten (have to be very strict - seperate toasters, butters, trays, cutlery etc) and her weight went from 15kg to 23kg in 3 months - still very slim but healthy. Shot up from 3-4 year height old clothes to 6-7 year old within a year. Sleep was better, attention improved, no constipation.
If considering, don't remove gluten as they have to be eating gluten at time when have blood test otherwise not reliable. She also had a hard pot belly - it's called a coeliac belly.

There is also a link between coeliac and ADHD. It's not a causal link - the ADHD doesn't improve when remove gluten, it's a correlation.

They are correct that allergy testing not accurate until around 5, and even then only tests for ige allergies (the ones where get a quick reaction), doesn't test for intolerances

I am in a similar situation with my toddler not sleeping every well, it is so hard to cope day to day when your sleep deprived.

One of my DC had bad eczema as a baby and would scratch himself, we ordered these https://scratchsleeves.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22043541577&gbraid=0AAAAAD229mNbyfJXkKGRXgyVo2ycye5hk&gclid=CjwKCAjwjffHBhBuEiwAKMb8pB9XYvB4GrO1IFhn4X94tOr0AxMK2J8WmqTEKFBDVz9B1a0jAqoBNxoCQ1YQAvD_BwE for night time and it helped massively knowing that he wouldn't wake up covered in scratches.

I echo what others have said about chasing the GP in relation to the issues you have mentioned.
You definitely need a referral to a paediatrician.