A simple foot rub!!!!

[TiredHippo]

So.....'the list' as my OH likes to call it, has just come out tonight, this is what he likes to call it when I have to remind him of everything I've done to contribute to everyday life when he moans about me asking for a simple favour. I asked him if he could give me a footrub, a simple footrub as I have....(this is where the list begins) just finished six days on the trot at work 'full time', got the kids up (2 of them, 6 and 14) made breakfasts, whilst he's been in bed) dropped them off at school and got myself to work, picked them up, made them tea, made sure homework got done, got my 6 year old to bed. Made sure the 14 went to bed on time. Cooked for him when OH got back from work, washed the dishes, put the dishes away, cleaned the house from top to bottom, washed clothes, dried clothes, put clothes away. Drove kids to their friends,/picked up. Did the shopping, every other day as no one can decide what they want for tea, made separate meals every other day. Cleaned up dog wee and poo, put the bins out, brought the bins in. Dealt with parents evening on my own. Car broke down so had to deal with that on my own. Picked up his grandson up to 'babysit'.....I've done ALL the running around, pick up, cooked tea, got him a bath, dressed for bed, put to bed etc etc ect etc. This is MY first day off, and ALL I've done is run around after everyone else as he's sat round and left me to it. ALL I asked for, as I got to sit down for the first time is 6 days is, could you give me a foot rub please.....all to be met with.......uuuuuhhhhhh, but I've just woken up, it takes me concentration to do that!!!! I don't know how I didn't just loose my shit then and there!!!!!! I simply replied, well, next time you want a bj, I'll just remind you how much concentration it takes then, and apparently, that's not the same thing, my 10 minutes doesn't equate to the same as a 20 minute footrub!!! I didn't even come up with times either. What is a suitable punishment, aside from no bj's of course, as that is NOT happening any time soon regardless.

Does he have any redeeming features?

He does work really hard, as in his job is more physically demanding than mine, but I feel that that is the excuse everytime he doesn't 'pick up the slack' as he calls it, as he's 'tired'. Yes, I'm not in a factory working 8 hour shifts in heat, stood up all day, but I'm doing 8-10h hour shifts at work, but also doing everything with the kids before and after school, so in reality, I'm doing 12+ hours days at the minimum.

I wouldn’t bother trying to think of a way to punish him, I’d be putting my energy into planning to leave him.

For me, that's just easier said than done I'm afraid. There's no way I could afford my house and the bills without him, which has only occurred since he moved in with me 😒

Well I definitely reckon giving men bjs is harder work than giving women them, plus there's the whole swallowing thing.

So even if he's reciprocating that fairly (he is, isn't he?), I still reckon you should get 1 foot rub minimum per 1 bj you give him. Maybe 2 actually now I really think about it.

He does reciprocate but he definitely asks for more bj's than I do oral, he'd have them 10 times a day if he could!!!! It was more of a back handed comment really. He couldn't see the efforts I go to every day to keep everything in order, for him to then turn around and basically say it was too much effort for him to do this one thing I ask for, something to help my unwind and relax, I do love oral, but when its when we're both being intimate. I love a foot rub as a treat, just for me and he definitely gets a bj just for him as his form of unwinding.

When did he move in with you? You make it sound like it's your house? Are the kids his? All relevant information. If it's your house and kids and it's a relatively new relationship, I'd say he sounds like a cocklodger. If the kids are his, I'd say he's taking the piss. Either way, he doesn't come out looking good!

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than rub anyone's feet.

Can't you get a foot spa or a massage plate or something?

You couldn’t pay me to rub someone s feet. I find it off putting. Go to a message place but I think feet are pretty gross. I’m allowed my opinion about that

None

Suggest you ask him to take on a share of the domestic duties rather than doing it all yourself

im trying to erase my post and it’s impossible

How have you got to this point in life where you’re doing all the work?
I agree with others who say foot rubs are grim. Get yourself a foot spa and a backbone to stop running yourself ragged.

It sounds like you need to find a way out more than anything. What did you do before you met him.

I hate having my feet touched but everyone's different I suppose.

I agree with people who've said that surely the main issue is the fact that you feel that he doesn't pull his weight.

Foot rubs are not ‘grim’ 🙄

Me too, I freak out. I don’t get the whole, tickle my arm. Scratch my back. I’m like, don’t touch unless I want you too and don’t demand I touch you either. Control is the reasons for these demands. We’re animals. Makes no sense to me.

That's your opinion.

Other people have different ones 🤷‍♀️

They are so grim if you don't like touching other people's feet or having your own feet touched.

What really is grim is women staying with men who don't pull their weight, moaning about it whilst at the same time making excuses as to why they won't leave.

We did say that but this is a whole nother situation here where a foot rub is being compared to housework and blowjobs

I’ve stopped asking. But the downside now is I have no respect for him.

Well you're the one who's chosen to shack up with this useless scrap of scrotum skin. You could've picked someone who does his fair share and doesn't view you as a dick sucking household appliance, but you didn't. And here you are.

He sounds like a lazy prick and you sound a bit of a martyr. You don't HAVE to do all these things for him like cook his dinner, do his washing, pick up his grandson etc. He'll soon do it himself when he had no clean clothes and is starving. If you can't or don't want to leave him, you can either live like this or take your own time back. If I was you, I'd be making escape plans.
I wouldn't be rubbing anyone's trotters, but I would gladly run someone a bath or make them a hot drink. He could have at least offered an alternative.

Are you the OP?

They are to me. No way would I want anyone doing that to me, and I would not do it.

The guy sounds awful though, that aside. Being single is the best decision I ever made.