I am sleep deprived, 3 months into 2 under 2, and feeling very low so I appreciate I may be unreasonable here.
Sorry if it's long but just a little bit of background- there are a few ways I have felt quite unsupported by DH in the 13 weeks following the birth of our second son. Firstly, I had tried to speak to him several times in the lead up to the birth about how I really only wanted an hour or two of visiting a day so that we had time to focus on establishing a new family dynamic and so that I had time to physically and emotionally recover and yet my MIL overstayed everyday for the first 3 days we were home from hospital. I won't go into details but let's just say she was not a helpful presence and DH's only response was "She just really wants to spend time with elder DS". I felt his mum's wants were being put ahead of my needs and this led to me having a complete meltdown on my poor midwife when she arrived for the home visit. There have been multiple ways since that I've felt that I've been at the bottom of his list of priorities. It's probably also worth mentioning that I generally feel my husband talks about himself a lot and doesn't ask me many questions, and this has been the subject of a lot of our arguments in the past.
Anyway, since then my mood has has continued to decline- I've had several meltdowns bordering on panic attacks. I've cried pretty much everyday (mostly when alone) and have commented to my husband how I've struggled to bond with our new son. This is quite unlike me as I'm generally quite a positive and laid-back person, and I loved the postpartum period with my first. I also tend to mask how I'm feeling so nobody other than my husband is aware. On a particularly bad evening this week, I commented to my husband that I think I have some form of PPD which is something that I've been thinking about a lot but hadn't voiced, and I found it really difficult to say. His immediate response was "well I'm depressed too" with absolutely no acknowledgment of what I'd said or even just a hug or show of affection. He didn't understand why I was upset by this.
I know that men can really struggle with their mental health in the aftermath of having a new child as well, so AIBU to feel let down and unsupported by his response and to wish that we had been able to discuss how I was feeling and he could help me work out some next steps? I want to support him too but to be honest I have nothing left to give and every ounce of my energy is going into looking after my kids and keeping them happy and making sure they aren't aware of how I feel. I am doing the lions share of childcare and all of the night feeds as he works full time, so I am also just completely exhausted. I feel quite alone.