Have you been spotted posting on Mumsnet? Or identified someone you know?

[1reason]

Im fairly new to Mumsnet and have been reading many threads and posts.I get confused with AIBU! Just curious about this.
It struck me that it is likely that if you post very personal information then there is a.chance someone you know in real life could identify you.
Has this ever happened to you?
Spotted someone from real life or have posted on Mumsnet and been identified by people you know in real life.

Asked a question on X / Twitter not using my name

Friend (who at the time, we weren't following each other on Twitter) screenshoots and asked if I'd seen this. I then told her it was me!

Yes, I suppose that must be very true... I know from Facebook that people "present" very differently online as opposed to IRL, so I suppose by that token we shouldn't be surprised that we are getting only a very edited view on all the AIBU posts 🤷

I had a feeling someone I know has seen one of my posts. This thread confirms it as I think she’s posted above. I’ve NC for this obviously

My friend spotted me and asked if it was me. I was really surprised as I hadn't posted anything very outing, but I think we were posting on similar topics (as we had DC the same age) and maybe she recognised a story word for word or something. Now I name change regularly.

Omg 🤣

If course its not as high as that, there are 100s of topics, unless you only read AIBU most of what is posted it true

No one's lying about what book they last read or planted in their garden or watched on TV or feed their cat, you get the picture

Personally I've never posted anything that isn't true and the vast majority of posters will be exactly the same

Yes, I recognised someone about twelve years ago because of a mis-spelled regional turn of phrase she happened to have also used in a recent text message to me. She was someone I used to run a baby/toddler group with when our children were pre-schoolers, and whom I liked, but didn’t know well.

The post I read (I didn’t search for others) was pretty concerning. I’d always thought she had disordered eating and wasn’t happy as a SAHM (her previous career was incompatible with having a child) , but it was clear from her post that it went way beyond that, that she exercised obsessively, and lived on low-calorie vegetable smoothies to ‘save her calories’ for alcohol in the evenings.

I lost touch with her when our children went to different schools and I left the country, but I always hope she’s ok.

Yes, a school mum a few years ago posted about something very specific that had happened to her child at school, I searched her other posts as I thought it was her (it was a really specific situation that was pretty identifying) and she had posted her DDs names 13 years previously on a different thread so it was definitely her.

I also spotted someone I went to school with once, her user name was her name and what she had posted about the school we went to tracked. She only ever made the one post recommending a specific school so I didn’t ask her about it or warn her it was identifying (we are FB friends) as it was pretty mundane!

Statistically not so unlikely. There are times when the Euromillions has been won by 10+ people.

I regularly name change and don’t say anything so controversial that it would be a problem if I was outed.
I’ve seen two threads where I’m pretty sure I know the OP’s posting about work related issues. They were very niche and I stayed well clear.

I’ve been recognised, though the thread was very specific and outing and I had NCed for it as I knew there was a high likelihood someone would join the dots.

To be honest I often change minor details in anything personal I post, particularly if it’s something I wouldn’t be comfortable with the whole world knowing.

The other way round but one of my posts everyone replied what I was saying was really outing and it was so dangerous what I was writing and I should be really careful etc. It was about being aware a distant family member had news in the national press about them. But there was another much bigger story in the press at the same time in the same sort of circumstances (think city, family set up, several particular details of the incident, etc all matching- but with people who had bigger public reputations so the story got huge traction).

There was no way what I had written was actually outing in a way that would cause problems anyway. If people did work out who I was talking about, and who I was, they'd have gained nothing more than my opinion - big deal?!

I found it pretty funny, everyone being convinced they knew who I was talking about. I didn't want to self-sabotage my anonymity by denying it and leading to a load of active googling to find the 'other' story so I ended up just going with it and saying I wasn't bothered about being identified!

I recognised a family member as they had posted a picture of their cat and I had seen the same photo on their FB page.

I always sigh inwardly when posters start a thread along the lines of "show me your kitchen" or "what's on your dining table". Totally innocuous questions, but much more likely to be identifying to anyone that knows you/has been in your house.

I think I identified a female relative once, àn innocuous post, nothing scandalous!! I didn't tell her though.
I think some posts can be very outing, an awful lot of personal details included which could be very identifiable to those who know them

This thread has been my queue to change username 😥

Those who say you've recognised people, how can you be sure? I understand if people post pictures of their home or pets but surely you can't be 100% sure from wiring style or even most circumstances unless they post things that are very detailed.

If you don’t name change it’s not actually that difficult.

Say you tell a story about eg a fight with your MIL at the school gate and then later wrote about it on MN. One of the school gate Mums might think “ooh, that sounds like Jenny”.

So she advance searches your username and discovers a thread from 3 years ago that mentions which part of the country you live in.

And another thread mentions you have a particular type of car because there’s enough room for three child seats across the backseat.

And another thread mentions your DH is an obsessive golfer and just spent £££ on xyz equipment.

And another thread mentions that you handmade your wedding dress etc.

Individually none of these bit of info are outing, but all together they can reasonably confirm the initial suspicion. Because the school gate Mum knows that Jenny who had the exact same fight with her MiL, lives in Cambridge with her 3 small children and her golf obsessed, BMW driving husband and dressmakes as a hobby.

It might not be enough to prove it in a court of law but it’s enough for reasonable doubt.

Probably every time we post we give little bits of info about ourselves. It’s not the individual bits that give you away - it’s the accumulation.

Which is why name changing is a good idea, and you should never post anything online that you can’t stand up to in real life.

And yes, I’ve recognised a friend, and no, her story wasn’t entirely comprehensive. People mostly post for validation, critical info is often missed.

Yes, twice. and name changed!

The first time I was asked to come into a meeting as a chaperone when a client was meeting the team leader ( a MH setting) The client brought in print offs of the threads she had initiated on here. I obviously said nothing to her or the team that I’d been following her threads. But suffice to say her version of events and the support she was offered was at odds with what she posted here.

Another time, it was a tragic but true story. Basically a work colleague was terminally ill, and her husband posted extensively on here at the time, including a clip of her voice thanking people for their support. It did appear far fetched and the Trolling was awful, but it was true and she died, leaving a 7 year old son. The threads were pulled. I didn’t know the husband but I had colleagues who did know him, and they did describe him as a bit socially awkward.

People IRL know who I am on here. I'm not bothered if I'm identified. No name changing either.

But I don't start threads.

If I recognised someone I would butt out or report if they weren't posting in good faith.

I recognised my daughter and we had a good laugh about it! Luckily she wasn't moaning about me 😄 she had a query about her toddler's eating habits and I recognised the issue!

Yes, twice for sure and a few other times I’m fairly sure. People don’t seem to realise that if they post ages, sex, niche sporting clubs of children and the name of the school … easy. One poster even had part of our postcode as her user name.

I’m really concerned eg the post the other day who had four daughters and stated their ages and type of school (eg private and grammar). People thing it’s anonymous but really when you give so many details it’s pretty identifying

So the David and Caroline thread was true?

It's widely quoted as being a well known troll thread

I recognised my next door neighbour as her daughter has quite a unique name and she was asking about possible boys names for her new baby and did actually name him one of the suggestions. I saw her posting again a while later talking about having a 4th degree tear and continence issues and made a point of forgetting her user name. It wasn’t something she’d shared in real life and it felt horribly invasive to have read about it.

I also found out about the death of someone I’d once known well but had lost touch with. Her husband had an incredibly niche job and someone mentioned a conference they were attending and an award being given in memory of his late wife.

I recognised someone once but they posted regularly about a very very niche topic, included dates of events etc, details of things that had happened. This person also had a very particular writing style I was very familiar with. It's was all very factual stuff and I never told them or looked them up again. I still know the person, they are possibly still posting but I felt weird knowing who they were so unless they pop up on active (unlikely given the very specific nature of their posts) I'll never know if they are still here.

Yes, it was true.

I spotted someone I know on the baby names board by the twin boy names she shared. She got absolutely slated which was awful to see as she is one of the nicest people you could ever meet who gives her life to supporting vulnerable people in need. People were fucking dreadful to her and it made me so sad because if anyone didn’t deserve that, it was her. It was a zombie thread by the time I saw it and standing up for her would have revived it.