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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just not feel like my DH makes much effort, but still expects to get laid

13 replies

whatyour · 25/10/2025 21:11

I just feel like he doesn’t listen when I speak, or seem interested really in anything I say. If anything is wrong and I want to talk to him about it- or if I’m not feeling well, he just sighs and just can’t be arsed.

of course sometimes we talk, but he generally mopes around a fair amount and he just doesn’t listen. He’s always walking off mid convo to do something or not paying any attention to what I say.

today I got something I was excited about and I was telling him about it and he just couldn’t be arsed. I kept saying, you’re not listening - can you listen and he kept just seeming really bored and couldn’t be asked. He’s always moping in his dressing gown. Then later on in he asked some questions that showed he’d not listened or retained anything I had said. It’s always like this. Also with any plans, he never remembers or listens etc. I have to repeat stuff a million times.

I complained and he said that I do talk a lot.. fair enough, we had a laugh about it I guess. But what actually upset me the most today is that I was watching a film I used to love as a little girl with my kids, I was showing it to them. I watch it every year and just love it. There aren’t many things I have like this from my childhood. I’m not a someone who remembers a lot of things or goes down memory lane a lot, except this film. My H saw we were watching and I was cuddled up with my kids and was like ‘ oh great, now it’s going to be the three of you obsessed with this dumb film’.

I just thought- you just don’t give a shit about me do you ? You just don’t really love me or who I am ? You literally couldn’t care less. All you want is a hole to stick your dick in. I didn’t say that of course but if I do say something similar, he’ll just say I’m dramatic and taking things too far.

is he just a bloke and I’m being being precious? Or am I just having a bad day.

OP posts:
HevenlyMeS · 25/10/2025 22:29

Sending much love empathy & compassion
God Bless You&Your Children
I've experienced very similar coldness from my ex
It seems like selfishness & possibly some narcissism
The comment he made when you were watching such a meaningful, sentimental movie with your dear Children, was completely out of order & totally unnecessary 😥
I'm praying for the utmost best for You&Your Dear Children💚

PermanentTemporary · 25/10/2025 22:33

He sounds quite distanced from you at the moment. I’m sure there are better moments and maybe look out for those and tell him they make you feel good. But it’s hard if he won’t meet you halfway.

outerspacepotato · 25/10/2025 22:38

Match his energy with him. He doesn't bother listening, so talk less. Leave him out, he doesn't want to be included. Say no to sex if he's been an uninvolved ass ignoring you all day then expects you to be instantly turned on by however he initiates sex. Tell him that's not how it works.

He sounds unhappy and so do you. But unless he puts something into your marriage, one person can't fix a marriage of two.

UncertainPerson · 25/10/2025 22:41

I can see why that was so hurtful 😔 He’s really treating you with contempt.

Merryoldgoat · 25/10/2025 22:43

He doesn’t even like you @whatyour

I can’t imagine living like that.

BoxOfCats · 25/10/2025 23:08

It sounds like he’s totally checked out. Has he always been like this? I’d be rethinking whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy - do you really want several more decades of this?

Tink3rbell30 · 25/10/2025 23:17

Say no to sex.

whatyour · 26/10/2025 06:20

Merryoldgoat · 25/10/2025 22:43

He doesn’t even like you @whatyour

I can’t imagine living like that.

That’s how it feels ! I’ve told him this a few times and he said I’m so dramatic and why does it have to be so deep and that it’s just not true.

OP posts:
whatyour · 26/10/2025 06:21

Tink3rbell30 · 25/10/2025 23:17

Say no to sex.

Yes and I do. I told him last night, it’s completely unacceptable and if he wants to get laid, he needs to be nice to me.

OP posts:
StrongLikeMamma · 26/10/2025 06:26

He needs to want to be nice to you. Full stop.

Meadowfinch · 26/10/2025 06:27

Why does it have to be so deep?

Err, that sums up the problem perfectly, doesn't it. You thought you were in a mutually loving and supportive partnership. To him you are a housekeeper & nanny who also provides sex on demand.

Why you expect his attention and affection is beyond him..

HevenlyMeS · 26/10/2025 18:48

Yes & in my humblest opinion if he doesn't naturally want to be nice to his wife, he's just not a nice person
Because decent people, wish,,, to be nice to others, & to respect them
Whether in love with them, or not
It's just common decency to be nice, either way 💚

HevenlyMeS · 26/10/2025 18:50

Actions speak louder than words & talk is cheap
Anyone can just say "'it's not true"'
🙏

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