I live in a small house area and I have a neighbor a few houses away. Around 10 years ago, we got to know each other since our daughters played. We took walks in the area and had a good time together. Since her husband is from another country, and he was very lonely, I introduced them both to a couple I knew since before, both from the same country as her husband.
I used to hang out with the couple of foreign origin since before, and assumed that by introducing them to my neighbor and her husband, we could spend some time together. In the beginning, this was what happened. I was invited along side with my boyfriend at the time.
But very soon, I was totally excluded. No more invitations, although I invited them all to me, I realized they were spending a lot of time without inviting me back.… no explanation and no embarrassment. The walks in the area with my female neighbor continued but at a lesser frequency, it felt odd, since she talked a lot about the nice dinners she had with my former friends, who had all but stopped calling or contacting me. Once they actually asked me if the could park their car in front of my house when I was away, since they were invited to dinner to my neighbor. So I was kind of reduced into a parking lot.
I lost my boyfriend pretty soon after that and got more lonely. Since I realized it was only me initiating the walks with the neighbor I stopped. This resulted in a 2 year no life sign from neither my neighbor nor my former friend and her husband. Not a word. Not a text. 0.
I sent some photos from my vacations to them both but didn't get any answer.
I felt if wrong to invite them again, when they so obviously didn't want any contact with me, unsure why.
After 2 years, I suddenly got a text message from my former friend. She had separated and seemed to wanted to take up the contact out of the blue. It felt very weird, I had gone through a rough time being quite ill, and I didn't feel like getting emotionally upset or disappointed again.
Nevertheless we met up again, me, the neighbor and my former friend. After 2 years of no contact and after +4 years of no invitations from them. I though I should not think too much about the past, new times ahead - just be glad we could see each other again.
I invited all to a night in town, dinner and wine, and we caught up. After this, I took up the walks again with my neighbor, but the same pattern repeated itself. No answers to text…no answers for months…then suddenly out of the blue a question if I wanted to take a walk, without ever apologizing about the total silence and not answering to my texts. One afternoon, I met my the other old friend, walking the street with a bunch of flowers. This was unusual, she lives far from me and my neighbor. Well, she was invited on her own (since she had separated some years prior) to their home. So we were both single and lonely women. Again I felt - OK here we go again. After that, I decided not to initiate anything, just see what happens. And surely, it's the same patterns. Some texts about walks, I reply "yes" then a change of mind, the walk is cancelled, etc.
Maybe I am too sensitive, but for me this is not really a way I would behave. It makes me feel like the last resort of friendship who will be swapped out for absolutely anything. I have since, put my energy into my other friendship that feel mutual and engaging, where all parties are contributing and making suggestions. I wonder - am I being unreasonable when wanting to finish this weird relationship when the patterns are repeating again and again?