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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn’t let work define my self worth

8 replies

HotPotLove · 25/10/2025 18:56

Long story short, I work for a private equity firm where everyone is a high achiever on high flying salaries. I work i a support function so not one of them (although my salary is also quite high compared to national average for my role). I have recently been overlooked for a promotion and feel as if I am generally being put aside a bit. Other colleagues are getting a lot of interesting projects and visibility whereas I am not. Have raised this with the new head of the function but he is new and very senior and don’t think he has time or headspace to care. Nobody is treating me badly and don’t feel as if I am being pushed out but generally just that people think I am good at my role but don’t shine in gravitas and out of the box thinking. I am a bit fed up with it all and am actively looking to leave but I think it might take months before the right job comes up.
This is really undermining my self esteem though and even though I have managed to build a good career starting from zero (moved to the UK with no work experience 9 years ago) and have always had good review ratings at my current firm, I feel as if I am a failure and not good enough compared to peers. How do I get out of this spiral? I don’t want work dynamics to define me but it’s hard to see the bigger picture when you are still in the spiral.

OP posts:
FaceBothered · 25/10/2025 19:00

Can you ask your manager for feedback on why you were overlooked for promotion?

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 25/10/2025 19:02

If you're good at your job then hopefully you can do it without too much effort? Start devoting loads of time and energy to things outside of work, try to expand your experience and diminish work's role a bit.

HotPotLove · 25/10/2025 19:06

FaceBothered · 25/10/2025 19:00

Can you ask your manager for feedback on why you were overlooked for promotion?

I did. Not visible enough to the director apparently. Would try ways to i crease this visibility now but all projects are being taken as I said above so struggling to build o that. It’s also been 5 years in this firm and maybe it’s time to move on.

OP posts:
HotPotLove · 25/10/2025 19:06

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 25/10/2025 19:02

If you're good at your job then hopefully you can do it without too much effort? Start devoting loads of time and energy to things outside of work, try to expand your experience and diminish work's role a bit.

It’s what I am doing but the fact is that there is no future for me in terms of growth where I am now. This is what bothers me

OP posts:
FullOfLemons · 25/10/2025 19:17

It’s also been 5 years in this firm and maybe it’s time to move on.

I think this may be worth thinking more about. After 3-4 years sometimes people are just seen as part of the furniture. I would expect people in PE to typically have come from an IB or consultancy background where this can be particularly true (unfortunately).

It may not be the only reason. They simply may not have a position at the next level up and unless the firm is doing well will not create one.

HotPotLove · 25/10/2025 20:09

FullOfLemons · 25/10/2025 19:17

It’s also been 5 years in this firm and maybe it’s time to move on.

I think this may be worth thinking more about. After 3-4 years sometimes people are just seen as part of the furniture. I would expect people in PE to typically have come from an IB or consultancy background where this can be particularly true (unfortunately).

It may not be the only reason. They simply may not have a position at the next level up and unless the firm is doing well will not create one.

Edited

I don’t do PE myself but am in a support function. Used to work in IB (same function) before. But yes I have grow professionally mainly in this place and get the feeling that others with more experience gained externally are being valued more. I sometimes think it would be easier to start from scratch in a new firm where I can establish new relationships whereas I think that where I am now I will always be seen in the same way.

OP posts:
Jan039 · 25/10/2025 20:29

It sounds like you've become part of the furniture OP. Starting somewhere new is a good idea if you want to stand out and move forward IMO.

HotPotLove · 12/11/2025 12:27

Jan039 · 25/10/2025 20:29

It sounds like you've become part of the furniture OP. Starting somewhere new is a good idea if you want to stand out and move forward IMO.

I think so too. It’s just so bloody hard to find a good role at the moment

OP posts:
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