New boyfriend works with ex

[Caroel]

I know I should be more evolved/secure/mature and not care. But I do.

I have started dating a new guy who I really like. Things are definitely progressing faster than any of my previous relationships. I spend a lot of time at his home. I can see this going somewhere.

I found out that boyfriend works very closely with his ex. He’s a dentist and she’s a dental nurse. I have pretended to boyfriend that I am secure enough to not care. But I do. The break up wasn’t even that long ago.

She’s very pretty. I don’t necessarily think anything will happen (if it does clearly he’s not mr right). I can’t live assuming he’s going to screw me over either.

im just annoyed at myself for being bothered. I don’t want bf to think I am insecure. Obviously I am.

Would this bother you? How can I get over it?

Yes, it would bother me.

Do you expect him to fire her because you're insecure?

That's unreasonable AF.

Slow your roll. Moving fast is not necessarily a good thing in a relationship.

I definitely don’t want her fired. Obviously she needs a job. But to be honest more than that I think it would make me look like a bunny boiler if I went anywhere near suggesting that.

I don’t think the fact that things are progressing fast is a good thing. It just is. I definitely don’t rush in to relationships and try to make sure healthy boundaries are established. But I am staying over a lot more that I typically would at this stage in a relationship.

How long have you been dating him?

If he’s spending a lot of time with you then he’s not into her anymore, she may also find it awkward to work with an ex that’s moved on and may look for work somewhere else. I think only time can tell. Any new relationship is a risk whether they stray or not over someone.

How long ago was the break up? Why did they break up? You can slow this relationship down. You can’t change the fact that they work together.

I'm seeing some pretty big red flags that you seem to be ignoring here OP, largely that he's not long broken up with his last girlfriend and is now moving very fast with you. You seem to think that's a positive, I see that as a big fat negative.

Oooh personally I think it may be a rebound relationship, I hope not but I’d be cautious too, how long have you been together ? When did they split ?

How long were they together and to what level? Casual dating/living together/engaged?
How long ago did they break up and who broke it off? Why?

How long have you been together?
Why are you staying at his more than you would at this stage? What is different, not just feelings, is it how he has treated you compared to previous guys, is there practical logistics for it?
When was your last relationship? Why did you break up and who broke it off?

I can't really say how I'd be about the ex, I've had several boyfriends who were still friends with exes, some were a worry because I didn't trust the guy, some I didn't worry because I could see the guy was over her and we broke up for different reasons.

I could have written this post myself 25 years ago. Met a guy and we hit it off immediately. Things moved pretty fast with us and we both became really keen on each other quickly and I could really see it going somewhere. After a while the 'ex's' conversation came up and he was honest with me in saying he worked with his ex. They worked in a small office and there were only 6 of them in the team and she was one of them.

I tried to be cool about it and pretend like it didn't bother me but it did. I can't really quite put my finger on why it did but I had these awful feelings of insecurity.

This ex was a fairly long term relationship of a couple of years. They went on holidays together and got on with each others families etc. He reassured me that they were over and that he was the one that ended it but they were amicable and friendly with one another as they worked together, but that was it, but I still felt very weird about it all.

Fast forward to his works Christmas do and I obviously got invited to go with him. When I met her in person I felt 100 times worse. Not only was she a few years younger than me, she was naturally REALLY gorgeous with massive boobs.

This led to massive feelings of insecurity and it was a massive knock to my self esteem. I spent months thinking why is he with me? And that he had a massive downgrade. He never gave me any reason not to trust him or to think that he still wanted to be with her. He told me he loved me not long after that Christmas party and that he wanted to be with me.

I eventually told him my feelings of insecurity and we talked it through. Turned out he felt exactly the same about my ex husband. My ex was a good looking man. Typical tall, dark and handsome where my new guy was shorter and not as conventionally good looking as my ex, although he has always been gorgeous to me.

Those feelings of insecurity about our exes disappeared once we actually sat down and talked it through and were really open and honest with one another. Suddenly I stopped seeing her as a threat to our relationship.

Hopefully, if he is worth it, you will find you will get past this, as your relationship strengthens, but I will encourage you to try and think rationally about things. My fella always used to say if he wanted to be with her he could. She is his ex for a reason.

My guy and I married and have been married now for 20 years. Happily. So please try not to let your insecurity ruin something that could be amazing.

They broke up 7 months ago. We’ve been together for just under 6 weeks.

How long were they together and how serious was it?

I think you just need to tell him it does make you feel a bit insecure that he works so close with his ex and let him reassure you nothing will happen with them and you’ve nothing to worry about. You can’t go all bunny boiler and say he can’t see her or can’t work with her but I think you know that, equally you can’t ignore your feelings. Hopefully if you speak with him it might make you feel more confident. 6 weeks is still very early days you might not fully trust him, time and actions will help with that

Ah I couldn’t deal with this. In the past I would have told myself I could, 6 weeks in, and then let it eat me up as things became more serious. I’d cut him loose now to protect myself from all the bother.

If this is bothering you then I don't think it's the right relationship for you.

How long were they together?

6 weeks is nothing. If you're feeling insecure and you're both rushing, this isn't the relationship for you. You barely know him.

6 weeks isn't very long at all you need to be honest with him but it isn't going to change anything you feel because he works with her anyway

Progressing fast at less than 6 weeks??
Jesus wept

People are really reading into the moving fast comment. It’s all relative: I’m a 30 yo woman, who has never been in an abusive relationship, no kids. I clearly don’t jump into relationships recklessly. I like boundaries.

just that normally 6 weeks in to most relationships I would have only seen the bloke a handful of times. But right now I am sleeping over a few nights a week. Which is moving fast for me. We’re not talking about Vegas or anything.

What is it that makes you uncomfortable? The fact that she is an ex or that she is pretty or both? You are the only one that can change how you feel about this if you don’t want to tell your boyfriend it makes you uncomfortable ( and realistically there is nothing he can do about that except look for another job , that’s a big ask for a 6 week relationship)

you could talk to him about it and be honest that it makes you feel insecure, but what would it take to reassure you? It might just need to be a time thing.