How to help 13 year old understand a seperation

[helpamama]

Posted here for traffic really.

My husband or I guess ex husband now have decided to seperate. While its me thats instigated the seperation for a number of reasons i.e. not being supported, feeling like I’m a single mother in a marriage etc. but in all honesty I don’t think he was happy in the marriage either but would never admit that.

Anyway, I’ve now found somewhere to live and plan to move out. We have 3 children DS13, DD11 and DS7 and we have agreed to coparent 50/50.

So this evening we told the kids about the seperation and move, the 2 youngest were completely fine, however the eldest was really really upset which I expected, but I just don’t know what to do to ease the pain for him, I know he’s gutted, I’ve tried to reassure him as much as possible but he’s still upset and just doesn’t want to talk about it! And to be honest the more I was trying to talk to him about it, he was just getting annoyed. I’m not sure what to do? Any advise from anyone who’s been in this situation would be really appreciated.

Dont talk at him. Go for a,walk or drive and listen to what he has to say .
Givve him a chance to express h8mself and his concerns and address those

Give him some space to absorb this news. Of course he's upset and it's ok for him to be upset. The fact is, his life is changing and he will have to adjust to the new normal and all that comes with it. Give it time, stay calm and be there when he wants to talk - just be prepared for it to take a while.

It’s going to take some time- my friend was years even coming close to coming to terms with her parents divorce. The kids’ whole lives will change now. I think you need to put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would have felt- it’s not something that can just be cleared up. You can only be there for them and make sure they know that you and their dad will be there for them.

Talk to him, listen and support him. Don’t put it on him to look after his Siblings, don’t be telling him he’s the man of the house now. He’s your baby and he needs you. His whole world and everything he’s know has fallen apart. Let him feel his feelings. Speaking as the elder kid when my parents broke up. He’ll need you more then you know right now x