To feel weird about my toddler having physical contact with other kids.

[ThisGiddyPeachFinch]

I’ve noticed my 2.5 year old little boy is physically affectionate with other kids and babies (cuddles and kisses).
I’m wondering if most people would just find it cute. But it’s giving me the ick because I want him to understand a little about consent. I want him to ask the other child if they want a kiss before doing it. I think I might feel this way because of abuse in my own childhood, so I don’t know if I’m just being nuts and unreasonable, because of course he’s completely innocent and a total sweetheart.

What does mumsnet think?
YABU - it’s all innocent / he’s too young to learn consent
YANBU - he should learn to ask before doing

Little dc kissing and hugging is adorable. And usually any objections are shown by crying or pushing or moving away. Humans are meant to enjoy touch.

I understand where you are coming from but making it age appropriate is key here. I guess it’s a bit like teaching a child to ask before they approach a strange dog, but I’d be doing that in conjunction with helping him recognise body language etc - kids are usually pretty good at showing you when they want hugs and kisses (or not), so just similar conversations to ‘no, Timmy, Matthew doesn’t feel like hugging now, so let’s play with this train together instead’ or ‘hello Amelia Timmy would love to give you a hug, is that ok?’ But I guess these would only work in situations where the kids are strangers? IME, once they are firm friends, you can’t keep them apart lol! I really think it just has to be a gentle, ongoing conversation depending on the children involved. These things are learned over time by repetition. I get your feelings on this though and completely understand your viewpoint on

You are 100% being unreasonable, he’s 2. He obviously needs to learn about consent in time in age appropriate ways but feeling the ‘ick’ about your son because of your own childhood abuse is totally inappropriate on your part, you can’t project that onto him. He’s behaving totally normally. If you can seek further help for what you went through then I’d do that.

They are little, they will teach each other.
But you can model the behaviour you want to see, eg. Never forcing him to give others a hug, not pushing for a hug if he doesn't want to give you one etc.

It's never too early to start encouraging him to ask before he touches someone (or something), as pp says it's no different to teaching him he touch a strangers dog without asking. But I wouldn't expect him to grasp it for a while. Teach him, but don't expect immediate results.

Do you ask for his consent every time you pick him up/cuddle him/kiss him/change his nappy? If he says no to nappy change/bath time/hair wash etc. do you stop?