To complain that Halloween party was too scary

[strawberriesandcream23]

Now my daughter is a sensitive soul however we attended a Halloween party for an activity club she does earlier this week (ages 4-6) and the decorations were terrifying! I imagined it would be a party with Halloween crafts, a few games and dancing etc however we turned up to a room completely dark with a huge creepy clown hanging from the door to enter followed by figures activated by movement which jumped up and make creepy noises. We had to leave early as she was absolutely terrified and now wont sleep and won’t go through any doors alone as she thinks the clown man is gonna be hanging there. Now I know Halloween is meant to be scary but is this inappropriate for that age group? I mean only one other child seemed scared so maybe it’s just my child

Does she like McDonalds? You could show her pictures of 'Ronald Mcdonald' to give her an emotional tie that clowns are not really scary.

I sympathise though OP- as a 4 year old my toes were tickled by some weed in a lido, and I thought sharks were hovering to gobble me up 😂

I don't think this is something to complain about, no. But there's space here to offer informational feedback while (genuinely) not complaining. Be brief and friendly, explicitly frame as individual feedback to consider in the future and acknowledge that it seemed like the vast majority of kids weren't bothered. Then tell them your DD found specific decorations scary enough that the event wasn't enjoyable.

Every activity/event can't be expected to cater to every child. But you'd expect them to be trying to make it fun for as many children as possible and they need a range of feedback to know how to do that.

As for DD, I would make sure to talk a bit about scary things in terms of personal likes/dislikes. Some people find it fun to be a little scared by things that they know can't actually hurt them, but not everyone. Comparing it to food may help - some people like food that's spicy, or very sour candy, but for others those things feel really bad in their mouths.

I was at an infant school disco this week and I was astounded at the number of kids dressed up as terrifying clowns.

Yes that sounds too much for the age bracket. 4 year olds are not much more than toddlers really!
My 7 - 9 year olds would absolutely love it, probably. Far more appropriate for that sort of age.

I was in Spoons having breakfast and a Mum came in with a kid in a pushchair about 2 and she saw the huge fake spider in the corner of the room and screamed her head off.

I grew up in a place where Hallowe'en was celebrated and now live in another place where Hallowe'en is really big.

The sort of decorations you're describing were not at all age appropriate. A party for kids aged 4-6 here would feature lights at most dimmed, friendly looking pumpkin faces, scarecrows, maybe some cobwebs with large spiders, maybe some big eyeballs, maybe Hallowe'en themed familiar figures like Bluey, Snoopy, Mackey Mouse, lots of black, purple, and orange crepe streamers, maybe a soundtrack heavy on The Monster Mash and other G rated songs.

Saccharine, yes. A pleasant experience for pretty much everyone - also yes.

I would complain. What you went to sounds more like a haunted house experience.

I agree

I think it sounds a bit too much. I’d say something like “wow you went all out on that. A lot creepier than we expected. Next year what do you think about calling it a haunted house so parents can have a chance to explain it more to their kids? I told delicata it was a party so she wasn’t quite ready”

I would use AI to draft a response that ticks all the boxes. I would definitely mention it being inappropriate for their age - irrespective of it being free or not. I don’t think it’s appropriate for children, as it’s HORROR.

Halloween doesn’t mean gore, nor should it. Children shouldn’t be exposed to this for obvious reasons and nightmares. Given that many parents online are scaring their kids for fun, I don’t think some have common sense.

Don’t complain. Me and my cousins are in our 40’s now and we still remember the Halloween party when we were aged 2-10 at my nans house that terrified the bejesus out of us.

Even our parents admit they never intended it to be so dark and scary - but as adults we reminisce about it and despite the fear we had a great time and it’s a fantastic memory.

Seem like most children enjoyed it and some will find things too scary - some children simply find balloons at a birthday terrifying!

I think there is a difference between complaining and gving feedback. I'd definitely give feedback though.

One of my earliest memories is being absolutely petrified of someone dressed as Big Bird at my dad's work hallowe'en party for kiddies. I'm still a big wuss to this day - my parents even brought it up at my wedding!!

@Dliplop I love how you chose "delicata" as a name, both delicate AND a seasonally appropriate cute pumpkin!

I’d give feedback as well. Say she found it really scary and you’d been expecting more infant-school age appropriate Halloween decorations. You would no way be expecting gory clowns in a reception / year one classroom at Halloween. Witches (Meg and mog style), pumpkins, cats and bats.

I think it’s fair enough if kids are out trick or treating and there are super scary decorations - that sort of thing is for all ages and parents need to just steer little ones around it etc. But at a party for 4-6? I think they just brought halloweeny stuff and got carried away.

I would give feedback for sure. Just because the rest of the children didn’t seem bothered doesn’t mean they won’t be badly affected in one way or another.
Very inappropriate for little children.

Halloween is getting gorier here every year for some reason while in the USA, where it was made so popular, people just dress up as Toy Story characters and binge on sweets.

I can’t believe some of the blasé respinses on here. 4-6 year olds? It sounds horrific. Totally inappropriate. They’re totties. It should be cartoonish spooky ghosts, witches, glitter, face painting, pumpkins, spider biscuit icing etc. not horror movie fodder. YANBU at all.

That would have scared me and I’m 50! Hence I avoid all things Halloween and always do so.
I agree it sounds way OTT for 4-6yo.

Nothing wrong with complaining, it's honest and valid feedback.

I completely agree. Hallowe’en things aimed at young children tend to be pumpkins, witches and less death themed.

I wouldn't have gone into a dark room with a clown hanging up.
Definitely too much for a 4 year old.

Then you’ve completely misunderstood Halloween, apart from in its most bastardised form.

No I haven’t. I understand the historical origins that have no interest to me at all. Sadly the bastardised form is what we have in the UK and that is what I hate.

Hope your DD feels better soon. The only change I would make to your future plans would be never to do Halloween again at all.

Thanks for all the replies and messages for dd, she went to bed a bit better yesterday so hopefully she won’t be scarred for life. Constructive feedback is a good idea. I don’t know if more people were scared or left as we left quite quickly and like I said I only saw one other girl crying. I’m more annoyed at myself that I put her in that situation. I don’t think I could have researched it more as it was just said at the end of last weeks session we are having a Halloween party next week so children can come dressed up. For a kids activity club I naively assumed it would be aimed at 4-6 years olds as the activities usually are and I was comparing it to my older dd brownies party she had earlier in the week where they painted pumpkins, did apple bobbing, Halloween crafts, and a disco (with all the lights on).
I think as someone posted earlier on the organisers just got carried away with Halloween theme as the decorations looked good and a lot of effort had been put into it, just more suited for older children. But lessons learnt, stay away from Halloween themes for a while. I think we’ll have to hibernate this week to avoid any!

@strawberriesandcream23 glad your DS is ok.

@WreckedITellYou @Superhansrantowindsor Halloween in the UK, like so many things, has lost touch with it's origins. When I grew up, Halloween was apple bobbing and doing penny for the jack o lantern. No pumpkins. Bonfire night was making a guy and having some homemade toffee near the bonfire and jacket potatoes.

These traditions used to root people to Thier culture and history and the land through folklore. Now it's plastic and buy buy buy and no sense of it being about anything but horror films.

A Christian friend of mine won't do anything for Halloween which I always thought was OTT and a misunderstanding of all Hallow's Eve...but if festivals lose their meaning, they become something else so perhaps I see her point now.

It's a shame. I enjoy Halloween but I don't like idiots decorating their houses with body bags and killer clowns for 4 year olds!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czj7yx4v0xxo

There’s a lot more of the garish stuff but the more people who don’t do the gory exaggerated bits keep going with what they like, the more those bits stick around too. Plenty of people still do Halloween like you prefer it - be one of them, don’t leave it only to the horror movie things! They’re fine too, lots of people like them, but keep up with the other bits so they don’t get lost. I see plenty of more folklore-ish Halloween stuff too.

As an aside, I always find it quite amusing that we often tend to view bonfire night as the more wholesome of bonfire night vs Halloween, when bonfire night is mostly about revenge burning of a terrorist. With toffee accessories 😁