Aibu about Christmas

[Ncforthiscms]

I'm never here for xmas, I take the kids on holiday and escape the chaos.
Over the years pressie buying has naturally reduced as we dont see people over that period.
Last year I tried saying to the last remaining friend who buys for the kids....shall we not bother? But she had bought already so of course I ensured I bought too. They dropped in for pre Christmas drinks and I bagged up their gifts, and she said sorry she hadn't got in the loft to get ours. No worries. She then obviously forgot once the season was over and I never mentioned it.

10 months on what can I say so I can stop buying???...especially considering she wasted money & time last year.
I need to do it before she starts shopping. I dont want to make her feel bad, it wouldn't have been intentional but my kids were a bit oh about the failed gift exchange.

You just use your words and tell her 😵‍💫

The truth?

You’re not being unreasonable, you’re being sensible . Society got in a cycle of buying gifts and spending too much and that’s made Christmas expensive and lose the real meaning. Just let her know - I did with my SIL and said we’ll still send cards

‘Hi Julie - I’m cutting back and not buying presents for Jemima and Ollie moving forward so please don’t buy any for mine. Looking forward to catching up soon’

Just stop - no need to try to coordinate if you have already tried.

@BallerinaRadio Please do not say "use your words " to anyone who is not a small child. It is very rude

Your "mistake" last year was that you asked her permission rather than told her what you were doing.
This year, just tell her what you're doing and leave it at that.

Well aren't you adorable 🙄

No need to be so snarky. Of course she needs to "use her words". What else could she do? Maybe convey her feelings through the medium of modern dance?

Interpretive?

Hi Anne, if you haven't bought already, I was thinking that maybe we'll give Xmas presents a miss this year. The kids have everything they need and it'll save a lot of time and expense for both of us. What do you think? Either way, looking forward to catching up with you soon. xxx

(If she agrees, no more any year going forward, just repeat the agreement, it'll fizzle out. Anyone with sense would be thrilled to be out of the present buying loop. I haven't done it for the last ten years, by mutual agreement, all happy here...... I presume lol 😊)

Thank you. I didn't have the right words and didn't want to offend, but have tweeked @janamo's message. Thanks!

Let us know what she says!

Maybe your gifts could be in the loft this year?

Ultimately, you were the one who wasted time and money last year. Think nothing more of it.

I've had a similar situation the last few years, but she's still buying for us. We basically never see each other anymore so gift giving became me asking what her kids wanted and her asking the same as I don't know them well enough to buy something on my own steam and be sure they'd like it. So a few years ago I suggested we stop with gifts and instead do a day out or something because actually I'd love to see them. She still bought gifts. The next year again I said we were reducing presents, and didn't expect any in return, but would love to see them....she just sent gifts. This year again I've suggested we all go out for the day and said I won't be buying gifts, she's responded to say 'I'm getting yours x or y, any preference?'

I can't control what she does, though I don't reciprocate and that feels mega awkward to me. I'm kinda waiting to hear that she's pissed about the fact that I've not reciprocated for years, but at the same time I'm trying to teach my children that relationships are about more than stuff so feel like this is a hill I'm happy to die on.

tl:dr if you've said you don't want to buy gifts and she does, you don't have to do as she does. Though if you find a way to do that and not feel awkward about it do let me know!

I sent the message and the response was yeah of course no problem, let's meet up instead. So 😀
Though when she goes in her attic and sees last year's pressies that might be an awkward moment 🤣