Mum attributing daughter’s language and behaviour to school friends )

[welliejellies]

Our DDs, both 5 are good friends so we have some play dates now and again. Lovely mum and lovely family too.

I am just a little concerned that maybe she’s sheltering her DD too much, or maybe I’m ‘ too relaxed ‘ and not sheltering my DD enough, I guess.

she seems very concerned with any change in behaviour / sassy language from her DD and thinks she’s picked that up from certain children at school.

but the things she mentioned are so minor too me that it wouldn’t even register. My DD can be quite sassy, she gets into a funny mood sometimes and is defiant when she doesn’t want to tidy up or something and she’ll say random cheeky stuff that’s not on and I do tell her off for it. For example she told me I need to carry all her stuff as it’s my job. Or she said ‘ you always ask me that mum, you’re such a coward ‘. She has no idea what coward means and it’s not a word we’ve used at home, ever really. I asked her what she thinks that means and it made no sense, of course I explained that it’s not a nice word and I did try to find out where she heard it and she said she didn’t know etc. I told her not to say that again.

I think she definitely picks up some phrases and mannerisms from school and it’s our job as parents to explain the meaning behind this and what is and isn’t appropriate etc. I’m not concerned, or think that I need to speak to the teacher about it. They’re in year 1 now and learning from each other. I can imagine that the word coward was probably used by a child who has older siblings and has heard it through them.

apparently my DDS friend said to her mum that she ‘ needs to get out of here ‘ and that really concerned her, because she wouldn’t have ever heard anyone say that at home and she’s going to speak to the teacher about it…. My DD has said that before, I didn’t think anything of it.

don’t get me wrong, of course we need to watch what our kids learn / are exposed to and it can feel unnerving if your child comes out with something you know they didn’t get from you. I was unnerved when she used the word coward, but I just made sure to explain that it’s not appropriate. I am not worried about her. This is normal stuff.

thoughts ?

I think she's kindly telling you that your daughter is becoming the naughty one, if you're happy with her behaviour then that's absolutely fine, but don't be surprised if this lovely mum with the lovely family stops her child hanging round with yours should things not change.

I was ready to side with you until you listed some examples. I’d find that very rude and ill mannered from a 5yo, I’d have certainly have something to say about it if that was any of my children. I start as I mean to go on with children, you may not be concerned with being ordered about, called names and being spoken to nastily by a small child, what will you do when your child is older and bigger? I’ve seen a lot threads on here where the op has actually admitted to being scared of their small children as they have become aggressive and they don’t know how to handle it. It baffles me how it’s got so far that a mother has become scared of her child, I think this is how it starts

Does she watch much YouTube? They pick up soooo much from there some of those examples don't just sound picked up from year 1

Huh ? But I explained I put her right when she has said things like coward. I don’t let it go if she’s rude.

Yes they pick things up from school, but as a parent it’s your job to parent.
I was all prepared to say other mum was being precious / over protective until I read it. You told her that the word coward wasn’t nice, but there’s still some parenting action to take place here.

haha no not at all. She was talking about the girls that sit with her DD in her class, my DD is not in her class.

she’s never heard my DD / or seen her be sassy. She’s always an angel when we are around others.

people literally come up and praise me on how lovely and well behaved she is.

she can just have these moments occasionally at home, which makes me think she’s picked up language like ‘ coward ‘ from school.

She doesn’t even know what it meant though. The action was being told that we can never say that again and it’s rude. She was actually sad and sorry and hasn’t ever said it since…

Yeah my year 1 child came and put both her middle fingers up in her Dad's face, she learnt it at school. We just very firmly told her that's very rude and is swearing and not to do it to us/anyone again, and she hasn't. I didn't go and speak to the teacher because we dealt with it at home, I do think kids will come out with rude/inappropriate things at times and like you say it's our job to teach them right from wrong, you can't stop every outside influence when they're at school.

If those examples are all they've picked up from schoolfriends so far, think yourselves lucky.😂😂

She is going to continue to be one of the parents who blame other people's DC on her DD behaviour. It will always be the other children's fault.
Save yourself the hassle. Cut back on the friendships.
Ime parents with this attitude teach their DC no responsibility and they usually end up with very few friends.

She's five. Tell her what 'coward' means and explain that it is a bit rude to say it to or about someone. It's not vulgar or a swear word.

You are going to have to explain why other (far less pleasant) words are unacceptable in the near future, so take this opportunity to get some practice in.

That's literally what she did 🙄

She's telling you she believes your child is a bad influence but rather than raise it and say it outright, she's using the other kids at school to raise the subject.

Your absolutely fine, OP. The expression 'we need to get out of here' or similar is totally normal. I really don't get why the mum is concerned. And you handled the 'coward' situation fine. They pick up all sorts of daft stuff at this age.

If my children spoke to me that way I would see it problematic as well.

If I witnessed your child speaking to you that way I would think your child is unruly.

I agree with you. If my DC said any of those things, I would pull them up on it, but I wouldn't be speaking to the teacher about it.

The OP says she explained it was not a nice word. That is just saying it's not nice, it isn't explaining the meaning of the word, is it?