What am I meant to do?

[Bloomed01]

4yo DS started mainstream reception in September. He hasn’t been diagnosed with ASD yet, but quite clearly has it and is on the pathway. We also think adhd too. He is non verbal and doesn’t understand instructions.

All was well until this morning when I dropped him off and the teacher asked me if she could have a chat. She said that he is happy and comfortable at the school but they are finding it more harder with him as time goes on.

I felt a bit taken aback by this and a little sad. I know that he is hard work and before I started knew they would have their work cut out with him. This is one of the reasons I wondered if a mainstream would be ok for him but I wasn’t given the choice by the council.

I am not annoyed at the school at all, but the thought of him being there when the teacher is struggling with him makes me sad.

What am I meant to do? Is there anything I could do? He does have an ehcp

I would call an early review. Google it on the IPSEA website.

Did you ask her what she suggested going forward? That’s what I’d do - make an appointment with whomever you need to at the school.

I didn’t really have the time as he ran off into the classroom and there was a parent behind me who’s child was crying so it was all a bit stressful.

I think a meeting is needed

Sounds like she was rolling the pitch for some further discussions so yes, organise a meeting.

Ask for a meeting with you/teacher/TA a d the SEND Lead for the school.
Find out what their struggles are and start thinking together of strategies. They need to support the need.

It maybe your child require a more specialist school.so start noting everything now as evidence an get the school to do this. Also any communicatio you ha e with the s pool ensure it's also via email e.g. "thanks or speaking with me today about xxxxx " because this keeps a digital record.

It's really hard to hear your child is struggling. Some adjustments could help - e.g
they may need some time to re-regulate themselves as a full day of school is immense for them..

So far I know that he strips off. They have told me that he’ll spend most of the day in just a nappy and socks. I told them that does this at home and even in the mornings getting him ready for school he will constantly take everything off once I have him dressed.

When I told the school this before he started, they told me that they have had children in the past that have done this and I was reassured they would work on this with
him.

He also can’t cope in the dinner hall and has to have his dinner in the classroom. Again, I was told this was ok and that they would make any changes for him.

I did feel reassured on all of this but now it seems they are struggling to cope which again is fair enough, he is extremely hard work, even I struggle with him most days and I am his mum. DH thinks this is the start of them saying mainstream isn’t working for him. I don’t know. It’s just stressful

He already has an EHCP which is a great start, but shows his level of need.
School are starting to flag that they can't cope. They should be recording evidence of where they can't meet need.
This does seem to be moving towards a SEN school placement and/or more support in mainstream.
Agree ask if meeting with SENCO and class teacher might be helpful.

The only advice I can offer at this point is DO NOT AGREE TO PART TIME SCHOOLING.

if they can’t cope they can get a 1:1 for him or negotiate for extra help from the local authority. It does seem that a mainstream school isn’t the best setting for a non verbal child in nappies ❤️

get them to agree they cant meet his needs, and call an emergency echp review to get him in a sen school. Sorry op but mainstream isnt right for him.

Thanks guys. I knew mainstream probably wouldn’t be right for him but I was told by the local authority they didn’t think his needs were high enough for a specialist setting. I told them I disagreed, but they stood their ground. I think I knew it would come to this point, I just wish they would have listened to me

I’m a teacher and honestly I agree with @LoveSandbanks rec not to do a revised timetable if it’s already reached that point. If you’re at the point where your child is having a very different day to the rest of the class then consider a specialist school.

Every single specialist school I’ve ever experienced is fantastic and provides much better opportunities than mainstream.

To tell the truth I struggle to understand parents who fight for mainstream - it’s not all it’s cracked up to be! I understand that it’s a huge decision. But if it’s on the cards don’t discount it. It could be a wonderful thing for your son.

Sorry cross post with your last update. How frustrating for you. You’ll be in a stronger position now though as you can say you’ve tried mainstream and found it isn’t suitable for him. Ask for a meeting with the SENDco and ask for them to support you with that statement/back you up. Ask them for their guidance on the next steps.

I’m not sure I agree with @LoveSandbanksand @HelloGreen - if a part time timetable is put into place once all other avenues of support have been tried, exhausted, and evidenced, then that is surely evidence for the LA that a specialist setting is required.

It’s not as easy as just saying ‘consider a specialist school’. Places are like gold dust even with a rock-solid EHCP and very clearly evidenced need.

Good luck, OP - you sound like a fantastic mum ❤️

The other day in the playground after school I saw a child point at my DS and say to their parent there’s his name he’s so naughty. I don’t blame to child of course, they are far too young to understand his needs and he probably does seem naughty to them but as his mum it still hurt. I wanted to avoid all of this and yet again knew it would happen.

If I can’t get him into a specialist school what happens in year 1? I hope that he is toilet trained by then (unfortunately I can’t see that happening) and he’ll be expected to sit at a table and listen? Not happening. I know that sounds like I have no faith in him but I am just being realistic😔

Talk to the school, you need to work with them - both of you have the same priority- what is best for the child. If that is a specialist provision then that’s what you can work toward as a team with the school.

I also understand it’s very early on in the school year so there’s time yet but if the teachers are struggling with him already then that that says something?

I tried to have a meeting with his class teacher and the SENCO before he started (eldest DS attends the school) and was told I’d get a phone call and I never did.

Sorry to ramble on guys it’s just confusing.

I have parents evening middle of November. Should I wait until then or speak ASAP?

I was in a year 1 class for a while with a child who sounds similar to your DS. He wasn't expected to sit still, listen or really participate at all in the lessons. He would do his own thing with his 1 to 1 and he was happy enough and accepted by the other kids but he would have got so much more out of a specialist school.

@Ablondiebutagoody That’s what upsets me. Wondering if he’d benefit much more from a specialist but not being given that option

If your preference was for SS, did you appeal?

What support is detailed, specified and quantified in F of the EHCP currently? And, importantly, is it being provided?

Request an early review of the EHCP using IPSEA’s model letter.

@Bloomed01

I was in a situation where mainstream were saying cannot meet needs before reception, the Local Authority gave more funding to mainstream school but the school seemed reluctant to take my son on.
Your Local Authority will be trying to save money if they can, and will see a specialist setting as more cost/potentially they’ll need to pay for transport/potentially waiting list/limited spaces.

My DS is now in Year 2 and has had a lot of input with his speech. He seems to be coping in mainstream and has made significant progress since reception.

If you look at Section F of his EHCP, is it clear - and are the school providing what is stated in Section F?

How much 1:1 support is provided for/funded - and who provides that support?
Meeting with SENCO is vital - have you met to discuss termly targets from EHCP with class teacher? Have they been shared with you?

You need to be the loudest, most proactive advocate for your son and get him to a specialist school OP. The council save money every day he’s in mainstream but it’s clearly shit for the teacher, the other kids and most of all, him.

Go to the school, go to the governors, go to the council, go to your MP. Keep doing it until he’s moved.

@ClarissR

Yes, it’s particularly difficult where school see child as not coping in mainstream, whereas Local Authority can’t fund/can’t find placement/waiting lists/transport for specialist.

I personally think the ideal is that there should be a local suitable placement for all children within a community. That schools should be able to meet the needs of their community in the vast majority of cases. More local schools with CoIn units.

Unless the school is wholly independent, on its own a school being ‘full’, which isn’t defined in law, is not a sufficient reason for the LA to refuse to name parental preference. The LA has to prove the school is so full admitting the CYP is incompatible with the efficient education of others or use of resources. Obviously there is a point LAs can do this, but the bar for this is far higher than many LAs admit. It has to be something tangible and specific and is more than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”. Waiting lists are not quite what LAs and some schools make out. If there isn’t a suitable school, there is EOTAS/EOTIS for when it is inappropriate for provision to be made in s school. LAs absolutely can fund SS and transport.