When did you start feeling “invisible” as you got older?

[babyboy520]

I’ve noticed something lately that’s been bothering me more than I expected — I’ve started to feel… invisible. I’m in my early 30s, and over the last couple of years, it’s like people just see through me. At work, younger colleagues seem to get noticed more, even when I’m the one training them. Out in public, people bump into me without apology, or service staff barely make eye contact.
It’s not that I want attention, but there’s this quiet shift where you realise you’re no longer “seen” the way you used to be — not just physically, but as a person who matters in the room.
I still feel like me inside, but the world seems to have decided I’ve moved into the background. I’m trying to focus on the positives — stability, experience, self-knowledge — but it’s hard not to miss feeling visible and valued.
Has anyone else felt this change as they got older? How did you deal with it — or did you just stop caring eventually?

About 35. I’ve never been objectively attractive so once the ‘bloom of youth’ - (ie I was no longer surrounded by blokes my own age who would try to get their leg over with anything with a pulse) wore off, I became completely invisible to everyone, man or woman.

I’m 54 now so its been a while sine I’ve felt ‘seen’.

I'm not saying I miss it but I notice it is diminishing. I also note that my male colleagues are more likely to listen to younger women as they were me 5-10 years ago and I think that's all basically because they want to sleep with them. Now I'm the difficult woman in the room rather than the young one they want to be seen to be encouraging.

I am 63 and don't feel invisible at all. Never have.

I’d have said exactly that at 55 and I got another 15 years of visibility after that. I’ve become invisible after turning 70 - and not in a good way. I’m sick and tired of having to draw attention to my presence in bars and shops. I’m 5’ 2” and most people seem to look straight over my head. It’s not just invisibility either, it’s astonishing how many young women seem to think it’s appropriate to patronise me these days. Fucking infuriating.

Oh no. I believe you and that sounds really annoying. I am your height so the same may well happen to me. I wonder if 70y men become invisible.

I'd always had a lot of male attention but become somewhat invisible as I turned 45. Spreading midriff, jowls and not the best hair cut.

Last year, I lost 3 stones on Mounjaro, got a better pixie cut in a brighter blonde and voila I'm very visible again. On the one hand it's sobering how superficial we are, but on the other hand it's rather heartening too.

59 and not invisible at all

Not yet, not at all, the leery stuff is out but that’s great.

I'm an older woman who likes colour and it's not an attempt to be seen. Quite the opposite.

It's the freedom to fully inhabit yourself, to enjoy the fun of colour and pleasing yourself.

It's the joy of getting to a stage in life where you don't feel you have to conform with convention, fashion or society's expectation of you.

It's a two fingers up to the dictates of class, style or what is seen as necessary to attract the fucking pointless, indiscriminate, tedious, judging male gaze.

I've never really wanted to be seen, especially by men.
Anyone who misses that leering arseholery, especially after a certain age is lacking something going on upstairs.

I am 55 and perfectly visible. I have not gone colourful nor (as far as I know) changed aspects of myself. I don't get ignored in the workplace or out and about. I only noticed a difference in male attention when I became single.

OP do you mean invisible just to men because I think from your post you mean everyone?

Speaking as someone in their early fifties who looks younger and is very athletic, it depends. In my 30s and 40s I was working for big corporations and was getting regular male attention here (London UK) and abroad and while some was flattering some was creepy and annoying so it’s a double edged sword. I worked in Paris for a while and was shocked at the behaviour of men in the office there. I wasn’t overlooked at work by either sex from a professional pov. I’m self employed now since my late forties so not out and about so much now or in a work place with others as I work from home.

in my leisure time, I find I get more attention from men abroad rather than in the U.K., but being cat called at by men hanging out of a car window in Budapest or chatted up in Istanbul doesn’t really do much for me.

i do see and experience though that when people know my age they treat me very differently. Here’s one example.

When I had just turned 50 a cold caller knocked on our front door. He was from a local charity offering services for the over 50s. We live in a village with a high proportion of middle aged and elderley residents and this charity does quite a lot locally. When the caller saw me when I opened the door he looked really shocked and very apologetically said “oh I’m very sorry im from X calling about X support scheme for the over fifties and you’re clearly not nearly there yet so I’ll leave you be” and he left and carried on knocking along our street. I felt chuffed and I did do a little happy dance after I’d shut the door, I won’t lie!

Conversely, when I had my first NHS mammogram at 50, the 20 something female carrying it out was very very patronising. She spoke to me like I was a doddery old lady in my nineties. She didn’t look at me directly the whole time she carried out the mammo. “It’s alright I won’t let you fall over, I’ve not lost anyone yet” she said in a super condescending tone when I had to balance a bit in position. She said it like I was stupid and deaf as well as infirm, no eye contact and I got the feeling she just said the same exact thing all day long to all “the old crumblies over 50” she has to see. I wasn’t having a problem with standing correctly and I look very sporty physically. I said “It’s alright I’ve been kick boxing since my twenties, standing and balancing isn’t an issue thanks”, I don’t think it even registered with her, I felt completely invisible and totally insignificant.

Anyone who misses that leering arseholery, especially after a certain age is lacking something going on upstairs.

I completely agree but my newly acquired invisibility extends way beyond that. It’s shop assistants, baristas, it happens in all kinds of settings. In addition I get patronised by young women at the hairdressers, at beauty counters, clothes shops and when I go for a massage. It’s precisely because there’s still plenty going on upstairs that it’s so infuriating. I’m happy not to be visible as a sexual object anymore but I’m still a fully functional person.

Bloody hell OP, it wasn’t until I was in my 50’s and then I only noticed it when I was no longer not being noticed by men, no one else. Now I’m in my 60’s people still apologise for bumping into to me and service staff still make eye contact. I think this is a ‘you’ issue with confidence.

I wonder what it is that makes some people invisible and others not.
I cannot relate to any part of what your experience is.

Another colours fan here and I completely agree with you. When I was younger I wore a lot of blacks, greys and muted blues in an attempt to avoid unkind attention from men (see earlier post about name calling due to being conventionally very unattractive).

Now I am thankfully invisible to that kind of audience, I will wear the colours I love and feel happy in. I like rich colours for winter, dark greens, burgundy or purples; and pink/pale blue/yellow in summer. I've got some multi-coloured/patchwork jackets for autumn/spring.

I don't give a hoot if some 20 year old thinks I'm 'desperate to be seen'. I am cosy and secure in my invisibility cloak.😊

A stranger said they liked my hair today. Def not invisible.

Why don’t you ask ChatGPT?

I think OP wants answers from real people (well, as real as people on MN are!).

I'm going to be honest and it is not a boast (and I am sure a lot of others feel the same way as I do about this subject). I am 54 now.

I love meeting new people and always have. I always smile and chat and ask people about themselves.

In my younger years, this would sometimes mean that I would then have to decline the offer of a date or say that I had a boyfriend when they asked me for my number. Sometimes, more mature women hated me and were very mean and unkind.

Nowadays, I can be super friendly and smiley and have a chat with someone about their day and ... that's it!

Liberating.

I'm in my early 60s and don't feel invisible.

I’ve never been that visible to men anyway and happily in a relationship, couldn’t give a shitr. Otherwise in work i wouldn’t say i was invisible.

MI5 actually started recruiting middle aged women in 2015 for undercover and surveillance roles because their “invisibility” made them ideal spies. So don’t let anyone gaslight you and tell you this isn’t a thing.

@BringBackCatsEyes Sorry, I was being facetious. OP won’t be coming back I doubt, this is classic bot stuff. OP used ChatGPT to write this post, so ‘she’ can use it for an answer. Not that she’s looking for an answer. She’s scraping.

wow u sound great, id love to see a photo of you :D

Oh I see. You're probably right.