Emotional abuse- kids

[BookArt55]

Coparent is emotionally abusive to me, and now the very young children. Court order in place. But I suspect he is building up to taking me back to court soon from the things the children tell me.

For those that have experience of this, what can I do to help my children?

How do I show the court he is emotionally abusing them when the eldest is just 6 and won't tell anyone but me?

I have him in talking/drawing therapy at school... he won't tell them anything, only trusts me. When CAFCASS were involved he just about said hello and that is all.

I am trying to document everything from a child's perspective.

Is there anything else I can do?

Feel so helpless and worried that what he tells the kids will stick...

-I'm a bad mum
-50/50 because daddy cries and is alone amd I took them away
-judge knows he made a wrong decision, so it will change soon, we are going back to court soon
-you only have one home, with daddy
-nanny isn't your family (and every other family member on my side)
So much more, but too outing to write.

Feel so helpless.

Oh, this sounds horrible. Didn't want to read and run, but no expertise. Are you allowed to video DC talking with you about these things? If so, you might consider getting them to tell stories about children in these situations as well.

It must be worth discussing with the art therapist too.

I'm sure you know the Family Court directive is changing from the presumption of 50/50 where there is abuse. The documentation you provided on his abuse towards you should be more helpful this time.

Write down everything the children tell you. Factually and without emotion or putting your feelings or opinions into it. Only put what the kids have said (exactly how they've said it) and how the child says it made them feel (if they said it) for example theres a diffrence between "Child told me that Daddy had said Nanny is not his family, child said this made them feel sad" and "Child told me that Daddy said Nanny is not his family, this is an awful thing to say to a child and is upsetting to the whole family. Child seems distraught at what daddy said". Both statements can both be true but only one has everyone's thoughts and emotions took out of it and is likely to go down better with the courts. They are only interested in the impact on the child.

So document, document, document be honest and factual get legal advice and then take him to court. You won't be able to say this to court but this sounds like at least the start of parental alienation and it doesn't get better. But you can document the alienating behaviours (just don't call them that) and get this nipped in the bud while you can. Good luck OP.

First of all, OP, well done for getting out of that relationship. You did the right thing. Secondly, I'm glad that your children have you as their "safe" person to talk to, and look after them, and that you're doing your best to protect them.

I don't have experience of going through the court system, but in addition to you documenting it, please try to video/record any conversations about the emotional abuse. It might be best to do it covertly, so that the children don't clam up, or move to the assumption that you are not a safe person to tell. The courts might dismiss your documenting it as part of a campaign, and the co-parent could say that they didn't do it, you're making it up, etc. Video evidence, or recording, from the children would show otherwise, and would back up exactly what you've documented.

I do, however, have experience of being the child in that situation. When it's your parent doing this, you have a strange loyalty to them. You have an understanding that it is something that's carried out in secret, and not to be discussed outside of the home/family. It's not something that gets talked about, or understood, with your friends at school. In any case, it can be too embarrassing, humiliating and anxiety-inducing to tell anyone. Having issues with trusting other people can, unfortunately, be quite 'normal' for some in this situation. Have the DC also been told by their dad not to talk to CAFCASS or therapists? As it is, it sounds like he's already badmouthing you to your DC, and beginning a campaign of parental alienation. I only hope that the courts learn the truth, and that- one day- your children learn to see through his lies.

Best wishes to you and your DC!