To ask your experience of going NC with your mother?

[aniseedisgross]

I’ve NC’d for this.

My mother is a gaslighter and a bully. She never actually raised me, left me with family always, saw her some weekends. Used/uses intimidation methods on me, tried to do it the last time I saw her. But she did something unforgivable imo when I was a teen- her husband (not my dad) tried it on with me (I rejected and managed to get out of the house- she wasn’t there) and she stayed with him because she didn’t believe that he really meant it. This happened a long time ago but my for some unknown reason, I’ve really been struggling with this all lately. She’s still with her husband and I have to pretend that everything is fine. My own dc like her enough and they’d be upset if I cut her off but I don’t know if my mental health can take staying in contact. AIBU to ask your experiences and if I’d be unreasonable to go NC with her?

I've been nc with mine for many years.

I found it very difficult when my kids hit the age I was when various things happened and then a whole mess of stuff came out and I cut her off.

It hasn't always been easy, my siblings had very different parent to the one I had so I no longer talk to them either now.

She got endless police welfare checks done and said I was suicidal etc until she got a warning, and then reported me to SS monthly for abusing my kids.

These were the only ways she could think to further abuse me.

It all settled down when my brother and his partner split and her venom was then directed at her instead.

I had age appropriate chats with my kids about what I was subject to as a child, but, if my kods wanted to I would have still facilitated a relationship somehow between them and her, but they didn't want to.

Apart from a rough couple of years when she was still trying to control and manipulate me it's been a relief.

I've got myself to a point where I simply feel nothing about her now, no love, no hate, just nothing.

Only you know if you can still maintain contact, but just do what's best for yourself and your kids.

Your kids like her now. So did mine. Then they got a taste of things when they were older.

I'm a lot happier now without her in our lives. I'll never go back.

Only child here, which may be easier. I went NC for 6 years before my mother's death. No regrets. She was a gaslighter and manipulator who never accepted her errors, lies and cruelties. Once I truly understood that she would never change, cutting ties became easier. Keep such monsters away from your children! She still sent gifts to one child, not the other. Just to stir things up. I'd say any gift was for both of them, and had them both write thank yous. Luckily she lived far away and was not a major figure, just an eccentric relative to our kids. Good luck!

Ive tried with my mother but ultimately it ends with no contact. We didnt speak for 13 years, then started to speak again but quickly fell out. She was then very ill earlier this year and nearly died. I did everything i could. I was at hospital every day and made so much effort to build something again. She got better and was discharged. We tried to carry on getting close but this time, it ended with her accusing me of having something going on with her boyfriend. Then accused me of sleeping with her friend and calling me a prostitute. I am so done and feel so much freeer for walking away. I feel bad for my daughter not ever going to have her Grandma. But at the same time. I know she is better off not having her in our lives.
I couldn't win and I sacrificed a lot for her just to get told the above.
I would like to add that once she was out of hospital she could start abusing her medication again and drinking. So i know it all comes from her self inflicted paranoia, as the mum in hospital was totally different. And that's only because they were controlling her meds.
Anyways im rambling. But i just want to say, doesnt matter if they are your mum or not. Dont have someone in your life who doesnt add positivity to it and only makes you feel like shit. Its not worth it in my opinion. I am so much happier, lighter and freeer for cutting her out

I found it absolutely brilliant to go NC. Never regretted it and finally got some mental peace.

Your kids will learn to understand eventually, they will get over it in the mean time quickly enough im sure.

Good luck OP

The relief is huge.