Have I messed up with these cats?

[coffeerevelsrule]

For over 10 years I had two cats I acquired around a year apart. Female torbie was here first and was around 4 when I got her. Then I got a six month old ginger tom who sadly had to be pts earlier this year following a rta. They didn't love each other but mainly ignored each other with a few bouts of hissing and growling now and again. I can't actually remember what happened when they first met.

Torbie is a very aloof and independent girl who I barely see. She has sat on my lap about twice in the time I've had her and I think tolerates me as I feed her! This was always the case and was partly the reason I got the second cat. She does love ds and spends most of her time in his room. Ginger tom was very much a lap cat and very much mine. He's left a cat-shaped hole in my life which torbie doesn't fill as, much as I do love her, I only really feed her. So a few weeks ago I adopted a pair of six month old kittens - siblings. They are lovely and have cheered me up so much.

But torbie hates them. I have followed the advice and kept them apart at first, introduced scents etc, but she still just growls at them when they go near. The thing that worries me is if they are in the kitchen she won't enter, when really she should be the boss. They haven't been out yet and I'm worried they won't come back when they do go out because of her - though she doesn't do anything other than growl and they don't seem that fazed. I'm also worried she'll vote with her feet.

Any tips? I love them all and just want it to work!

I will never understand why people do this to their older pets. They have an established settled life, then get youngsters introduced and they are expected to be thrilled and are supposed to just lump it.
Imagine if you were 67 years old and suddenly had a couple of toddlers move in who wanted to hang off you, play with you etc 24/7.
You got them for your benefit and didn’t give a thought to her, it makes me so mad when people do this. You are your pets whole life, you should be looking after their needs not turning their lives upside down and making them upset in their own space.

Adult cats usually given kittens warnings but are actually very careful not to go too far with them. The fact that the kittens are unconcerned is a good thing. It will take a while for things to settle - but every single time you see your first cat, talk to them and scratch their head or similar so she knows she is still secure in the household.

Also shared games if the old girl will play along. String games are good...

It's extremely rare for new introductions to just get along - sometimes takes a long while (I had a pair of boys who constantly niggled at each other, which stopped instantly a few years later when a mad female kitten entered the household and changed the dynamic).

Well they’re here now but don’t expect your old cat to accept them.

Well I didn't think it would be that bad - she has lived with another cat for the vast majority of her life?

As for my being her whole life- I'm not, as I said she doesn't interact with me much at all. The new cats will not be allowed in ds's room, which is her main abode.

But I'm sad to read I've fucked up - I read a lot about cats being better off with kittens coming into their home than other adults, and also that a pair would be less bother to her than one on their own. I did my best for her while also wanting a cat/s to actually want to be near me!

Try not to stress she’s telling them to piss off and leave her alone which is fine. As they get older and bigger she’ll most likely give them a few whacks and they’ll know their place.

They tend to be overly tolerant with young kittens.

Well I didn't think it would be that bad - she has lived with another cat for the vast majority of her life?

Another cat that she hissed and growled at though...

You can't know in advance how your cat will react, so don't feel bad.

I brought home an older kitten, and the friendliest cat we had at the time was not pleased at all. They ended up best friends, grooming each other and cuddling together.

Reluctantly brought a five year old in when we had two elderly cats (COVID, no shelters could take him, no relatives of owner could take him, he wasn't safe/was being unintentionally neglected). I was really worried how the two older cats would take it. They didn't seem to care, no hostility or upset, mild curiosity at most (and interest on his food bowl), which completely freaked out the new arrival who didn't know what to do.

Give them time, this will be fine. My poor house bunny got two kittens he had to learn to love.

They just need time

Have you got a Feliway plug in? Put it in the room she spends most time in to help her feel
secure.

When my ex and I first moved in together we had to mix 3 adult cats. It took 18 months before everyone was happy. You need to be prepared for a long haul here.

We had three cats and our most sociable cat ended up being the last one alive. She was really unhappy being a lone cat.

So we got a puppy. My God, I thought we’d made the worst mistake ever. She was fucking furious for weeks. She’d literally storm in and out of the house like an angry teenager.

Eventually she smacked him a few times on the nose, ate his dog biscuits while hissing at him and slept in his bed - which was now hers.

The first time she decided he might be worth cuddling up to was hysterical as she sat next to him doing that cat claw stretch and pound thing on his back. The poor dog sat still petrified entirely unsure whether he was being loved or abused.

After that they were inseparable and would cuddle up, sleep together, play and be in cahoots getting up to mischief.

Give it a little more time.

You've never given Torbie a chance. Because she didnt fit your mould of what you wanted from a cat youve shoved her with others all her life and she hated it, now you've done it again.

I had a very aloof cat, took her about 5 years to come round, but when she did she was the best cat ever. I feel youve not unlocked Torbie, and bringing in 2 new kittens you never will. Get rid of the kittens and give Torbie a chance to open up. She deserves some peace.

I mean yes you've fucked up but it's done now.
Make sure the older cat is given plenty of space away from the kittens and absolutely make the room she spends most of her time in a stay away area for them. Your DS is her person so if he remains her constant she will at some point tolerate the kittens but they'll unlikely ever be besties.
It's worth remembering you've fetched not one but two new cats into her world-they're on a team she isn't 😔

Loads of stuff online says two kittens is better than one and more likely to leave her alone though? As I said, they won't be allowed in ds's room for sure.

@toomuchfaff Are you seriously saying I should 'get rid of the kittens'? I thought there were hundreds of unwanted cats? What you said has made me feel pretty shit and maybe you're right, but then I have now given homes to four otherwise unwanted cats whereas going by your advice I would have given a home to one, and felt pretty unfulfilled for most of her life myself while about it!

I did research this before going ahead and will be following advice here and elsewhere. I'm not expecting them to be friends as such, but just hoping they can all share the house while having full access to the outdoors and their food etc without stress to themselves or each other.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad. You had the best of intentions. It's such early days. Cats need their own spaces and it sounds like your home has this. In time Torbie will get used to the new arrivals.

A few weeks is nothing in feline relations. My Lola spent literally 5 years under the sofa and then would slash at everyone. She's become a sweet, cuddly old lady of 21, which I never would have guessed would happen

You most certainly have not fucked up. For starters, you have given four cats a warm, safe loving home where they are fed and looked after, How many thousands never get that. Rescues are full to the brim all the time. What sort of life might they have had if it were not for you?

I have taken in many cats (rescues, strays and ferals) over the last 40 years. I have only ever once had to re-home one. I had 7 at the time and after much time and effort it became clear the dynamics of the group were never going to work. It broke my heart but one had to go for the benefit of all of them, There have been times when things have been less than perfect but with time and patience they all do tend to find their way and cohabitate quite happily.

The name Torbie immediately suggest Tortie to me. Is she a tortoiseshell? That brings whole different dimension to things😂

You're doing great - just keep going with the time love and patience.