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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want him to express his feelings for me?

29 replies

Shazzbutt555 · 23/10/2025 17:24

in our early 60’s been married 36 years. Successful parenting means we are home alone and focused on us, couple time etc. Trying to rekindle connection and compassion. DH says he finds it impossible to express his feelings for me, never has been a confident, demonstrative fella but my needs are that I need to hear how he feels about me. I suspect he’s an Emotionally Inept, man-child who regrets leaving his home and Mum aged 25. He’s working on himself….
Anyway, he reckons No (real) Men express their emotions and feelings to their partner.
Is he right ?

OP posts:
Nestynoo · 23/10/2025 18:35

Wildgoat · 23/10/2025 17:53

How not? You can be a fab parent and think your spouse is an arsehole and not want to articulate it.

Show quote history

Read the op
and his views on men and emotions
and come back and say he’d have been fab parent

Wildgoat · 23/10/2025 18:36

Shazzbutt555 · 23/10/2025 17:57

Yes we have our long term problems which are too long to go into on here, eve if I wanted to.
Was just trying to get a feel for other relationships. I sometimes see couples who I assume have been married a long time holding hands, walking arm in arm.
I’ve always assumed couples express their love are affectionate in private. So don’t know if they do or not.

People with long term marital problems, where at least one holds the other in contempt, as you do him, do not do this. As the marriage is just a forced together for lifestyle.

and no the term of successful parenting meaning you’re now home alone is not the new term of empty nesters.

MID50s · 23/10/2025 18:43

Shazzbutt555 · 23/10/2025 17:24

in our early 60’s been married 36 years. Successful parenting means we are home alone and focused on us, couple time etc. Trying to rekindle connection and compassion. DH says he finds it impossible to express his feelings for me, never has been a confident, demonstrative fella but my needs are that I need to hear how he feels about me. I suspect he’s an Emotionally Inept, man-child who regrets leaving his home and Mum aged 25. He’s working on himself….
Anyway, he reckons No (real) Men express their emotions and feelings to their partner.
Is he right ?

Did he ever ‘express his feelings towards you’ or has it always been this way ? If it has always been this way then you
can’t just expect him to change because the kids have moved out.

Randomer75 · 23/10/2025 18:52

ginasevern · 23/10/2025 18:29

I was married for 30 years until he suddenly died. He only ever used the word "love" maybe twice in all that time. We didn't walk around holding hands, packing on the PDA or gazing at each other across a candle lit table. I think your expectations sound unrealistic and romanticised. Some couples are tactile, most aren't particularly. You also sound as though you hate his guts, so why you'd want to run through fields of lavender with him laughing like a giddy teenager is a mystery.

I don’t think it is unrealistic or romanticized to actively show a bit of appreciation for one another.

I also think the sneery hyperbole of candle lit dinners is uncalled for. Why shouldn’t even older couples have that as part of a warm and affectionate relationship.
And if one person finds affection icky, then shouldn’t they own it? And wouldn’t it be amazing if they could recognize their natural state/upbringing and still … you know make the effort.
Would it really kill some people to be seen in public holding their spouses hand?

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