To be hurt?

[JustAGuessingGame]

I've been dating a guy for roughly about 4 months now and its been tricky to say the least. He isn't into labels or anything to do with emotions, theres been several red flags but i have been talked down from pulling away by saying i am being ridiculous, its not a big deal and tells me how he is falling for me, etc. This past week we have had the "exclusive talk" and feelings views but immediately after there has been some sketchy things happen that is making me question everything but also desperate to not let him leave.

Last week he was randomly told me about him arranging a coffee with some random he used to talk to (but never met) off tinder. I said that was a deal breaker for me and he twisted the narrative to blame me, saying i told him to explore things with others. I did not say this.

Last night he came over, repeated that he was falling for me, wanted us to work, how exclusivity would cement trust, etc. We slept together even though i wasnt fully emotionally invested in it and afterwards he proceeded to tell me he had been dating someone else for 2 weeks after we met and had slept with them 3 hours after meeting me. However in the same narrative said he instantly new i was the one he wanted that day. I threw him out my house and ive since recieved a load of abuse saying im unreasonable for feeling hurt by this and its none of my business what he did that first week as were nothing. Saying its over because im manipulative.

I do understand his points here but i feel i have been led on by false narratives this whole time. AIBU? Any advice on what to do here?

You sound extremely vulnerable, OP. Stop seeing him, delete and block his number, and do the Freedom Programme.

Do you really think this man is capable of a healthy relationship?

Do you think you deserve more? I certainly think you do - I can't think who would deserve that sort of treatment.

If you end it with him (and properly end it, not just threaten to) then your life will be so much easier and happier.

You don't need men like this in your life.

He’s the only manipulative one, giving you mixed signals, sounds like he enjoys the act of hurting people by telling you he’s slept with someone else, a very nasty character. What else can you, just completely ignore him.

Omg! Imagine! If they all had to act like normal humans instead of like they are total gods that we should chase for crumbs! I also say ditch him. I don’t think you are likely to get any responses on here advising you to keep wasting time on this creature.

In the new age of dating is different than old ways, it can be acceptable to date multiple people at the start. But only if it suits your values. But dating and sex are different.

my values in this was if I wanted to have a 3rd date with someone I came off dating sites and only dated that person as I can’t give effort to many people and felt it was disrespectful. It meant I was interested in seeing if something could develop. Certainly no sex would happen.

he is gaslighting you. He is dating and having sex with multiple people. He is trying to get you to conform to his way of dating. If you are comfortable with this that’s fine. But I assume you are not so please end it.

Dump and met a guy that matches your dating values. What I learned during my OLD journey is if it’s hard with a few months in, it’s not going to get better.

He's messimg with your head and causing ypu distress, you don't need this headache. Just hold your head high and end this farce.

I've only read the first paragraph, just say no, he's already a pain in the arse and will only get worse.

This currently feels like something to stress/ponder over because he's making it seem like you're being demanding, unreasonable, whatever and there's something to salvage. There isn't.

The reality is this: he is manipulating you and the only response is to stop seeing him and cut all contact. He's testing how much bollocks you'll put up with from him and currently you're putting up with everything he throws at you!

When you cut off contact you have to hold firm, because he'll probably change his manipulation tactics and try to ingratiate himself with you again. Block him, stick to it, and move on to better things. Your self esteem is already damaged and it will be absolutely obliterated if you waste any more time on someone as toxic as this.

Ugh, he sounds grim. The first year is the honeymoon period when someone shows you their best side! Please don't accept anymore of his bullshit and just end it with a "We want different things..." text - not a phone call or in person, it's only 4 months and he has a history of gaslighting and talking you round. Don't let yourself be swayed.

He's scum, messing you about.
Stop accepting it.
Dump him.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

So much drama for four months! Leave him, he's a knob.

I'm both worried and frightened for you @JustAGuessingGame

Your bs radar seems to have fallen deep into the Mariana trench, please be careful.

Oh honestly OP, reading your update, just tell him to fuck right off! What a load of bullshit 🙄 please don't waste another minute on this loser!