I’m a Sikh. I would still identify as a Sikh. I studied Sikhism academically to A-Level. I learned to read Punjabi. Attended Punjabi school. I still speak Punjabi fluently and can read it.
I sought out some refuge in my faith (personally not in the community) I had a tough upbringing with an alcoholic father. Faith was the only solution I had then. I also lived in a Muslim majority City and it was hammered into us each weekend to practice our faith. We were told that Muslims would see us as loose - take our girls. So faith helped me when I almost got groomed by an older Muslim male.
I then did marry out of faith - a Christian white male, of English origin. A completely different socio-economic class to me, privately educated and a very different upbringing from my inner city living.
I have street, I have ‘metal’. I’ve tried shamanism, connecting to my divine feminine…I’m doing sound baths, meditation. But now I am returning to my faith but I hit a stumbling block, my husband isn’t a Sikh. I don’t drink alcohol and I was a veggie for many years. I almost baptised myself into my faith but my parents wouldn’t let me. That’s how much faith meant to me.
Now I feel lost. I went to the Gurdwara recently and nothing resonated. Nothing struck me in my heart, it felt ritualistic, it felt like I couldn’t get into it. I feel lost and I need faith - I feel like I need to be held. So now I listen to prayers in my car. I pray myself. But I still do not feel held.
What faith are you? How do you feel held by God?
the other side of me doesn’t want God and thinks well it’s just created by men and I need to connect with ancient wisdoms and energy.