Birthday meal

[JenniferPuddleDuck]

My partner, we don't live together, said he wanted just us two together on my birthday, to do a romantic meal out.

He then rang and said his mates wife was visiting about an hour away, and she wanted to come over and stop at his the night of my birthday, so there would be 3 at the meal instead. He's known them about 30 years, we've been together just over 2 years, and his attitude was, well she's an old friend I couldn't say No. So instead of romantic meal theres 3 of us, ive never met her either. I feel totally disappointed and like I'm one foot out the door now on this relationship. He thinks im totally unreasonable and has shouted at me and blamed me for being disappointed. His friends think he's been a jerk, but he firmly believes i am in the wrong to have expected him to say to her sorry but im taking X out for a romantic meal as its her birthday. We will be seeing them next month anyways at an event.

It’s the little things that count and he is showing you his priorities.

When they show you who they are, believe them the first time.

Cancel and do something with friends or family instead. I wouldn't have a random woman id never met as 3rd wheel at my own birthday meal

This is not on. He could have left the friend at home if she needs to stay.

Anyone shouting at me for showing (very understandable) disappointment would be told to ger stuffed. If you put up with this treatment you are in for a lifetime of it.

OP he is showing you where his priorities lie. And he shouted at you? Dump him and go out and celebrate your birthday with your friends instead!

Where are your friends OP? Has he isolated you from them? You don't mention your friends or family at all. And why is he deciding what you do for your birthday? It's your birthday so its your choice.

If you are halfway out, give yourself the best birthday present you can and leave him, this will only get worse.

I feel totally disappointed and like I'm one foot out the door now on this relationship.

Get both feet out of the door and keep going. Even his friends think he is in the wrong and he still says he isn't and actually shouts at you for showing understandable disappointment! Why do you even need to ask?

Well this all sounds wonderful!

I suggested I lunch with his friend, then go out with my friends in the evening.

He got stroppy saying she is coming to see us both. He didn't actually tell her it was my birthday at first. When she found out she said, is it okay for me to come, and he said if course it is X wont mind, knowing full well I did. I will be going out with friends in the evening. I have no family.

He is putting her feelings before yours.
I personally couldn't be with someone who did that. ( DH did in the past and we split for a short while)

@JenniferPuddleDuck I think this would be the end for me. It sounds like you feel the same.

All the nope. If he cannot respect and prioritise you over something as simple as a birthday, which everyone knows is a special occasion, and then shouts at you like you're unreasonable in this situation (you aren't) it's not going to get better from here. Walk away from this one and don't look back.

Give yourself the best gift you can and dump the selfish shouty twat. My ex was a shouter. Ex. No one speaks to me like that.

Gosh he does sound like an arsehole. Even the friend expressed doubts when she realised it was your birthday and he still doesn't get it. Ditch him OP.

I don’t think so! I’d tell him if she’s his priority then jog on sunshine and you do something with people that value you, especially on your birthday!