To think that 3.5yo should be able to go to the toilet by herself at home

[TheCoralZebra]

As the title says really… daughter is 3 years 7 months and has been toilet trained including nighttime (she was already pretty much dry at night which was the trigger for daytime training) for 10 months. She has had very few accidents in that time apart from a few more recently after starting a new nursery.
But I’m getting so sick of having to talk her through every step, every single time! She doesn’t drink loads so she’s not weeing every 5 minutes but even at a conservative estimate she’s been to the toilet well over 1000 times by now so surely she should know what to do?!

At the beginning she was very much “don’t come with me, I do it myself” but now she just sits there. If her seat is not on she will just stand there even though she can put it on herself. When she’s finished she sometimes shouts “done”, sometimes not even that. Then I have to stop whatever I’m doing and stand over her and tell her get some toilet paper, wipe, pants up, flush, wash hands. If I leave her to her own devices she will sit there staring into space for ages until she gets bored, then just wander off without wiping, flushing or washing her hands, so I have to make her go back and do it anyway!

I’m fairly sure at nursery (school based) she just gets on with it, they have never said otherwise, and it’s just an act she puts on for my benefit, but how do I make it stop!?

Mine is the same age, but i always take them to the toilet and talk them through it 🤷‍♀️ they do know, but I just don't want to deal with wee everywhere or water splashed everywhere from the tap and wet sleeves.

They'll get there eventually.

"Should" and "want" are different things. She is certainly capable from what you are describing, she just doesn't want to.
My son is the same age, he goes to the potty on his own fine, but for the toilets he tends to do the same now and stare at it until we come over. He used to do it on his own completely fine a year ago 🙄.

I think it's a bit of regression stage, and for my son a bit of laziness (he also wanted to go back in the pushchair at some point, instead of walking).
I kind of tolerate it at home as long as as he's fine at nursery, that's the most important to me. Unless I'm busy doing something and then I just get annoyed and tell him to get on with it!

How do you make it stop? You don’t. Just go with her while she feels she needs you. It definitely won’t last forever, there are no adults still being taken to the toilet by their parents unless they have significant disabilities. Make her feel safe and secure by being there, it will pass.

I think YABU. Every kid is different. My twins (both potty trained at 2.5), also wanted me to come to the bathroom with them at this age. Just be patient.

My grandchild is 5 and still likes company and supervision in the loo . It really doesn’t matter .

Afraid nearly 6 year old still likes company. I have to get her to focus on what she’s doing, not on chatting.

My almost four year old will go alone but I have to wipe his bum. My eight year old still calls me to wipe his bum buy I'm trying to teach him to wipe his own now as I feel he's old enough.

My 7 year old has to be told to wash his hands and flush the toilet nearly every single time....the end is not on sight for me yet!

My 11 year old was going to the toilet on her own pretty much straight away (trained just before 3). If I'd offered to go with her she would've looked at me like I was off my head. Even in public she wanted to go into her own cubicle.

My 7 year old only stopped wanting to be escorted earlier this year. And I still have to remind him to wash his hands. And wipe his bum every now and then. Sometimes he goes up there and it's like he's forgotten every single step in the process, and other times he's up and down in two minutes, flushed and hands washed. This is a massive improvment to the start of the year!