Re-posting as an AIBU as no responses on other thread.
DS started a new nursery this September. He turns 4 next February and starts reception next September. He was in a different nursery before where he had one ‘best friend’ (not always a good relationship) but got on with everyone and never any reports of concerns. The only thing that was ever raised with us was that he had one particular activity that he loved to do, and he never wanted to share that with anyone else. He tended to go in each morning, do the activity he loved on his own until the first ‘organised activity’ and then join in with everyone else for the rest of the day. He particularly enjoyed playing with children in the year above him, but no one seemed concerned about that.
We see the teaching assistants at pick up each day in the new nursery, who are all overwhelmingly positive about how DS has settled. We hadn’t seen much of his main teacher until parents’ evening and I was really sad to be hit with what felt like a wall of negativity. Her comments re friendships included:
- he loves talking to adults
- he isn’t always good at sharing, and can get upset if another child takes what he is playing with to ‘share’ it
- he plays happily with friends if he has chosen the game, but if they change the game to something he doesn’t like then he walks off
- he is sometimes very confident in the group but other times shy
*he is sometimes happy to do what he is told but other times is stubborn/refuses
*he has introduced some lovely imaginative games to his friends, but can get frustrated if they don’t do it ‘the right way’
The main thing that has really unsettled me is that she wants to add him to a small group needing extra support to work on friendships, turn taking etc. Obviously I want DS to learn these skills and to be happy with his friendships. He is going to need to learn to get on in a group, not be stubborn etc. But I can’t help feeling as though she hasn’t described anything particularly unusual for a three year old? Particularly when getting used to a new setting with new children, and at least not to the extent of him needing to be removed for extra support at this stage?
It’s hard to hear for the first time that your little one might be struggling, particularly to do with friendships. So I’d love a sense check on whether I’m being too defensive, and it does sound as though he has a higher need for extra support than the average three year old? Or does this teacher have unrealistic expectations?
The meeting was unreasonably short to discuss this, and we had no time to ask questions about this group or what the specific concerns are.