Hubby’s hobby/social life

[Whitssend]

For years my husbands hobby and his selfishness when it come to it and the social drinking that usually follows has been a cause for contention for years. We have been in swings and round abouts with it so much over the years. Basically our marriage in general got so bad this year we nearly separated.
when talking/shouting things over we discussed that weekends I work (one a month) and the odd time I have plans (rarely go out) he simply does not go to his hobby/make plans to meet the boys etc as a blanket rule. I am against offloading the kids to grandparents as they help massively for work childcare during the week when we both work. This has helped massively but now he’s trying to push this as he’s deemed that this can be amended depending on how much childcare we had needed for work.
so this weekend I have the cheek to have plans that he has known about for months. He’s decided he can offload kids to a grandparent and suit himself.
AIBU. Sorry for long winded post. In peeved off as I write this.

I take it this weekend you are doing something for you rather than working for the household and he doesn’t see why he should sacrifice his hobby for yours.

how much hobby time do you get normally

whilst I get not wanting to rely too much on grandparents what’s their opinion of this?

This isn’t complicated.

Equal.Down.Time.

why wouldn’t there be?

I agree with you OP.

It’s a friend from works leaving do. I’ve organised it all.
I literally just started a weekly dance class and take our DD with me! That’s all I do outside work and kids.
our childcare is my in-laws. They’d never refuse him.

How much actual parenting does he do? If you’re both not working at a weekend will he take the children places or spend time with them? I am suspecting not.

Sometime he will plan the odd thing. It’s usually me. In the winter months it’s pretty none existent unless I plan it and try force it. Our DD dances all day on a Sunday so Saturday if the only day we’d all have together and he’d have to miss his hobby or sit waiting at home until he gets in to do something and that’s only if he doesn’t find his way to the bar.

Your husband doesn't particularly want to spend time with his children (or you). His priority is his hobby and meeting his friends, over spending time with his family. If your in-laws are providing childcare during the week, to allow you both to work, then no, he shouldn't be expecting them to look after his children at the weekend. If you have an event planned, then he should be looking after the children, not his parents. He doesn't want to parent his children, he'd rather do his hobby. To be honest, he's checked out of family life, he's simply not interested in it. How sad for your children, to have a Dad who isn't interested in them, to the point he can't be bothered to spend a few hours with them. If you divorce, he's not likely to want the children 50/50 because it will interfere with his social life and when he does see them, he'll palm any parenting off to his parents.

I understand why this is annoying and if he already gets considerable time on his hobbies then yes he should be willing to have the kids while you are out. However his parents are adults and need to say no, unless they are genuinely happy to have the kids to allow you both to do your hobbies occasionally despite also having them in the week. Context of course is everything and there is a big difference between this happening occasionally and this happening every time you go out and he never has the kids.