To be sad I'll never be in love again?

[Haemagoblin]

I'm 40 years old. I'm in a relationship with a man I hav two children with who is a good man with a good heart but to whom I am very poorly matched (blame being young and unformed when we got together almost 20 years ago). Through motherhood and age and increasingly second wave feminism I have become increasingly cynical about men; I don't think what we women call love and what they call love are related much to each other. I will stay with my partner and make it work with him as best I can until our children are embarked on their own lives, then I will see what happens. But "in love"? That fluttery wonderful feeling? That ship has sailed.

Through my teens and early twenties I was often "in love" with a range of no doubt unsuitable and/or unworthy boys and men. I was looking through my old poetry today (cringe) and my God I loved. Even over the last decade or so, even though I was very invested in my (troubled) relationship with my partner, I was occasionally besotted with this fellow or that I met - through work or social life or whatever. Nothing ever happened with any of them but I'd get the flutter, the tingle when I saw them, the pleasure and the joy of getting to know them and spending time with them. I'd dream about them. It was exciting and beautiful and sometimes a bit painful.

I just know deep down I will never feel like that again about a man. I've seen too much, I've learned too much, and I'm utterly disillusioned with men. And I'm gutted about it! It was such a beautiful feeling.

Having a baby gave me access to a whole new world of love; it was transporting, transformational, exciting. I have had all the babies I'm going to have. Bar waiting on grandchildren, I can only assume I have experienced all the "falling in love" I'll ever have now.

I know it's silly and a bit frivolous. But I'm so sad that I won't ever feel those overwhelming/fluttery feelings again. I have love. But I'll never be "in love" or be, you know, smote with new love ever again. I will miss it ☹️

Given you’ve been having sex you didn’t want I’m not surprised.

I felt the same, disolutioned after my long relationship ended (never married). But you talk about 'love', and then describe never being 'in love' again. My experience is that they are completely separate things.

I have definitely been 'in love' in the years since the split. The excitement, the butterflies, the all-consuming need to be with them! My past never affected that type of thing.

Love? As they say, it's a verb more than a noun. I doubt I'll ever do it again. Sending you hugs and solidarity, while at the same time (hopefully!) giving you hope that you can at least be 'in love' again 💘

My grandma met the "love of her life" (her words) in her late 50s. You never know OP!

I think the 'in love' giddy feeling is almost always all in our heads. I've had crushes and yearned for boys/men who simply weren't that bothered about me. I think they have largely been fantasies that I've just attached to whoever was there.

Then there's love which is about showing up for someone through thick and thin.

Some people are blessed and have both but the first alone I think it's just a yearning, maybe Hollywood inspired, maybe a biological thing.

Yes I think that feeling is anxiety and your logic floating away. Had many of those encounters that I wouldn’t wish to revisit.

How do you know you won't? Yabu, no one knows what the future holds.

I've never associated those fluttery feelings with love (I'm male, so maybe I'm proving your point). Fear is fluttery, nerves are fluttery. I've felt those in association with a new relationship, but not because I was in love with them, but because I was nervous or scared of fucking it up. I never enjoyed the fluttery side of things.

Love feels different. Love is this heavy satisfying, warm feeling in the pit of your stomach, like the way your stomach feels after a really good whiskey in a warm cosy pub on a cold night. I never felt the flutters with DP, I didn't need to, even from the first couple of dates it just felt right. We clicked in a way I never had before. I did feel that warmth with her though, almost from the very first date.

I voted YABU because you can’t possibly know.

In my experience you don't get to choose who you fall in love with or when. It's inconvenient like that!

Sums it up perfectly

Im in my late 30s and ive been single 12 years.

Its hard to tell people that i dont believe in love sole mates and love at first sight im just not that person ive had some tell me im weird stupid or i just need to find a good man mr right NO i dont.
You must miss sex etc NO NO and NO i dont.

I love my life peace quiet and being single.
I have had bfs in the past but i could never click the constant need to be in contact the nit picking.
The wanting to talk compromising, little things if you know what i mean.
It was a relief when they went back home.
The mess they make my last break up i said i wouldnt date again and ive never been happier.

Some of us need people to feel loved others dont.
Some get with others because they havent learned to be alone, i think when you are truly happy being single you know what you really want in a relationship.
Some get out on 1 relationship and in a new one 2-3 weeks later.
Some like me just prefer to be single thats who we are and we are happy that way, the art of being single is finding out so much about yourself.