Exerting pressure on a child?

[user1491934176]

Posted here for responses.

DD is 10 and is sitting her end of primary school exams next month. We are in NI so not sure what they are called in England or if in fact they exist?

I’ve always maintained that she will do what she is capable of without intervention, my ex partner, her dad would be more so of this opinion.

She started off great in P6/Y6 with her practice papers, top 2-3 in her class. So no issues.

P7/Y7 begins and she has hit puberty, no period yet but shot up in height, started all the visible signs 🙈 grades are now sitting at top 60% of class which is disappointing because on the odd occasion she’ll throw in a 80% score and she’s genuinely overjoyed.

Parent teacher interview was yesterday and such a change from the P6 teacher’s comments. P6 teacher said she was confident DD would be top 10% securing a competitive grammar. Now because grades have stagnated, teacher is confident of a grammar but definitely not a top one.

Dad is very hands off in terms of support, aiding her, helping her. With me it is a fighting match, she refuses to go over tests with me and is just a typical ultra sensitive teenager.

We have 4 weeks left and I think she has switched off, she’s maintaining a steady score but the friends she has, want to go to the more competitive school, I know she’ll feel so disappointed if she scores a lot lower and doesn’t have the option of remaining with class mates.

Could anyone who has ever been in this position please advise? We’ve tried to be pretty laid back about it but she’s completely blasé and is potentially selling herself short of a great opportunity.

Just to add, I suppose the AIBU would be, would you, for the sake of 4 weeks, just suck up the attitude, arguments to try and make sure she gives her best? P7 teacher said in a roundabout way she needed a kick up the arse 🙈

At that age kids have little understanding of long term consequences. If the teacher said she needs to put the graft in, and you feel she is capable of more, then sit and explain this to her.

invest in a tutor for short term cramming if you can afford it as she won’t argue with a tutor like she will you.

I think putting too much pressure on her is more likely to backfire. I’d be hands off, what will be, will be.

10 isn’t a teenager - she is being a brat and needs reminding she is a child and you are the parent and she does as she’s told!

We've just been through 11+ we put a fair bit of pressure on in the last few weeks. But we tried to make it better by using videos to explain and revise concepts rather than us getting stressed about how to explain simple things to eye rolling tween. And then we rewarded when she put effort into practice papers (regardless of score). So if she took it seriously and tried her best and listened when we went through any wrong answers she would get a treat of some kind. I think those last four weeks probably improved her score by 20%

My suspicion at that age is that there is a friend she wants to stay with and is dumbing down to match. Tutor idea is a good one if it’s realistic for you. I would say hold the line here, it’s only a few weeks…

Can you motive her without putting pressure? Maybe sit with her and help her - view yourself more as her cheerleader than her teacher

I'd try and do some practice papers with her. It's a turning point in life.

I did lots of practice papers with DS at that age. Basically made my own by cutting and pasting past papers. He would do them in 30 minute chunks. Then a few full papers closer to the tests to get to grips with the timing. I'm a big believer in exam technique being key. He moaned a bit but it was well worth it.

I had not terribly different scenario with d's over A level maths.

I told him he was doing 1 paper a week, then the corrections and spending an evening going over something he needed work at.
I also had bribery in that he was allowed have jaffa cakes while doing the above ( we get a box of misshapes).
And if he scored over 60% we'd get a Dominoes pizza.

He stropped at first. He felt we were so mean...
But he went from a D/E at February mock to an A.

And actually after the first couple of weeks he was cooperative. Although we did end up owing So many Dominoes I still owe him 2!

So I'd do similar. Tell her what you are expecting. Give her a treat while she's doing it, a target for which she gets a reward. Target needs to be achievable but not easy. Make a small target for 70, larger for 75.

And tell her before She does the exam that you're really proud of how hard she has worked. So she can see you appreciate the work even if she doesn't achieve on the day.

You can’t make her do them or make her do the practice papers well. She has to be self motivated. I don’t agree with exerting pressure, not at age 10 anyway. When my dc were doing the SEAG my message was always ‘try your best’. Sounds like she is likely to get into grammar anyway, just not the best one so I’d back off.