To not tell my manager I’m about to go through IVF

[Dolly34]

I am starting my first round of IVF next month and I don’t know whether to inform my manager.

I’ve been working at the company for 4 months and I’m on a maternity cover (fixed term) contract. I think there could be an opportunity to be made permanent, which would obviously be incredibly helpful if I do fall pregnant but I’m worried if I tell them that they’ll just let my contract runs its course.

But, I don’t know how I’m going to manage not telling my work given the amount of time I’ll need to attend scans / appointments - not to mention the amount of extra hormones going into me. We do have a fertility treatment policy which gives time off but still think it’s risky to mention it.

I really do not want to lie but struggling to know what to do.

AIBU by not telling them about it?

(btw, I work in HR before anyone advises to them about it)

Having done two rounds of ivf, I think I’d have found it very hard not to tell work with the amount of appointments you need to go to, I also think trying to hide it/make excuses would be pretty stressful on top of an already stressful process.

Yeah I’m feeling pretty stressed by the whole
situation tbh. Work is absolutely bonkers crazy busy at the moment too, so generally also worried about staying not stressed through the process 😵‍💫
oh and I work 3 hours away in London two days per week so that’s also not ideal

I didn't tell my employers but my circumstances were different to yours. I had been in the same place of work for 5+ years. I didn't want promotion opportunities to disappear (and they would have done if they'd known I'd spent 4 of those 5 years trying to get pregnant) so I juggled A/L, 'dental' appointments, other medical appointments etc and managed to have six months of IUI and three rounds of IVF over the course 2.5 years without anyone ever having any idea but it meant every day of my leave was used up on fertility stuff.

When I did my round of IVF I had just been offered a new job just before starting. I didn't tell work at first as the first few appointments were made around work time but once I started meds and needed scans, egg collection and transfer these were harder to work around as you can't pick days and times unfortunately. I had a quiet word with my boss who was actually really supportive. I didn't tell anyone else in the workplace. Once I found out I was pregnant I suffered horrendous sickness so that would have been harder to ignore. I would be open and honest and explain your situation. IVF is physically and emotionally draining at times and the last thing you need is stress. Good luck with your IVF journey! Fingers crossed for you.

I didn’t tell my work when I had IVF and just worked from home on the days I had scans etc and made up the time by working early or late. I took the day off the egg collection as annual leave and the transfer was on a Saturday. I was fortunate not to have any major side effects so it was fairly easy, as these things go.

It’s completely a personal decision, I didn’t particularly mean to hide it but my boss was on sabbatical and I felt a bit weird telling someone who was just covering for a few weeks.

No I didn’t tell them. I didn’t want them knowing my business and having the pressure of them wondering if the ivf worked or not.