To think my anxiety is out of control

[SharpTraybake]

Long post so bear with me. I've dealt with health anxiety for around 10 years, and am currently on medication for generalised anxiety disorder too. One of my big anxiety triggers is stomach bugs, so when my DS (4) gets one it send me spiralling. I think this is related to some childhood issues around illness and my mum, but unfortunately I didn't realise how severe it was until I became a parent!

This weekend DS woke up early morning and started with the bug, and my anxiety kicked in full force. I would never leave him while he's poorly, and I'm always right by his side, but internally this is a massive struggle as I just want to run away. My physical reaction to him being sick is crazy - I feel like my blood drains from my body and I go cold, and I just feel pure panic. The rest of the day I'm so strung out I jump at every noise he makes, and the worst thing is my stomach just shuts down and I physically cannot eat. I've lost 6lbs in the last 4 days because I've been surving on crackers and the odd bite of a meal.

Last night (after 30 hours clear), DS was randomly sick again and I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. It was made worse by the face I had to hide it from DS, but I honestly felt like I was going to die of a heart attack, and afterwards I was shaking uncontrollably for about half an hour.

I know I'm anxious, but this is ridiculous even for me. I feel like such a terrible mother for reacting so strongly to such a common childhood illness, and I honestly sometimes I think I should never have had children if I can't keep it together over such a small thing.

DH is wonderful and supportive but minimises sometimes, and says that because I don't act on the urge to run away, and because outwardly I put on a brave face that it's fine - just something to deal with when DS is poorly. He says lots of mums get anxious when their kids are poorly, and that it's just a normal reaction.

AIBU to think this level of anxiety isn't normal for all mums?

YABU - DH is right, all mums feel like this when their kids are poorly
YABBU - this level of anxiety isn't normal

No it’s not but your DH is trying to provide reassurance which is kind and yes all decent caring parents feeling worried and anxious when their child is ill, but not to that extent.

What is your feared outcome in relation to your DS being ill?

Did this happen

Did you cope, in spite of your panic/anxiety

Have you had therapy and have you been provided with a technique to slow your spiral and help you think more clearly?

If not, then it’s time to look for one. Once someone has given you something to practice, do it every day so it becomes ingrained in your muscle memory and easy for you to reach when you need it.

You need to have therapy.

Therapy for your anxiety
you are on the medication - make sure it’s at an optimum dose and seek therapy
GAD is often the underlying disorder and health anxiety / emetephobia can develop from that ..

CBT + SSRI is the gold standard treatment

As a fellow panic attack prone mum, meds can only do so much. I really thought I'd kicked mine but a year later after I thought they'd gone they are back, triggered by a local news story of all things!

I know I need to do therapy and I know meditation is also good, so I suspect you know this too. If you've figured out your triggers it might also be good for you to tell your DH so that he can show you consistently he can pick up when something triggering happens, which should help you get over the fear of them even if not totally. He sounds like he is trying to be supportive but when the hormones and anxiety is flooding your system I can see how snapping at him might happen. Explain to him this is the fight/flight reaction and nothing personal to him, just part of the strong reaction you are having from the trigger.

Hope you find some balance.

Thanks for the replies everyone. They've confirmed what I thought about seeking some therapy. I've had CBT in the past and did find it helpful, so maybe I need to revisit it. Really appreciate everyone taking the time to answer - anxiety can be a lonely feeling.

To answer someone's question I don't even know what I'm afraid of with him being sick! I know it's just a stomach bug and he'll eventually recover. Maybe something to do with the unpredictability of it?

emetephobia is often about intolerance of uncertainty, fear of loss of control, fear of not coping

if u seek CBT, I’d recommend face to face and make sure they can give u a therapeutic dose of therapy - around 20 sessions

OP I've had emetophobia since childhood, and it ultimately developed into contamination OCD in my 30s. I have the same response to stomach bugs now aged 53, even just hearing about them out in the wild - I was far too scared of passing the phobia on to have children (not to mention all the vomit risks that come with pregnancy, birth and children).

I had CBT as a teenager which was helpful, but more recently some OCD-focused therapy. My fear came from my mother being equally as frightened of vomiting, so I was left alone and not comforted or reassured when I was sick as a child aged 4-7. So it's partly the unpredictability and loss of control, but personally more of a black feeling of dread - that sickness means I'm not safe, that everything will change and I will never be well/happy again. Are you afraid of others being sick, just yourself, or both? It can be any combination, I am both.

The recent therapist taught me to learn to live with the discomfort and uncertainty (certainly of transmission of it to me), without seeking to control or second guess the outcome. I mean it's no cure but it does give me something to focus on.

You have my sympathy, but good on you for keeping it hidden and staying with your child. You're braver than me. 😊 I hope they feel much better soon.