Feel like a bad mother

[Judiss]

So after years of being controlled by ex I have put my foot down, we have agreed days that he picks the kids up but he is always late/trying to swap. This weekend was my final straw as when I rang him to see where he was he was abroad and apparently he told me (he may have done but I don’t care what he does so these dates don’t stick in my head) we have a joint calendar for any changes/events etc and we agreed it would always be put on there. Everything is so up in the air to a point where he has said, all you have to know if I will pick them up at some point in the morning. It is affecting school, they have to go to wrap around care u til 6pm which they hate. I just don’t see the point for the sake of an hour in the evening. I have told him that going forward he needs have them every other weekend, he said he cannot do weekends so I have told him this will have to go to court. I feel really bad.

I just don’t see another way out of this, we all need some sort of routine. We can’t carry on this way

Anybody?

Sorry to hear you're having such troubles with your ex. Going to court and getting a formal agreement in place may help, but more likely he'll continue to act like a dickhead.

I agree with going to court, but you can’t force him to have them. If he says no to weekends, then that’s that.

I feel guilty for stopping contact in the meantime, it’s not something I ever thought I would do but we absolutely cannot carry on like this.

But you aren’t stopping contact are you?
when he says “all you have to know is I’ll be there at some point in the morning”

you say: “the window to collect is between 8:30 and 9:30am. I am busy at 9:45, so will take the children with me if you haven’t collected by 9:30as I’ll have to leave at 9:30 to make my plans”

don’t tell the kids he’s coming, if he lets them down, there’s no upset. Have them ready to go to the supermarket at 9:30 so they are up and dressed

Thank you everyone