To sometimes feel there’s very little joy with life with toddlers?

[peppaontheyoto]

I guess I must be unreasonable because my instagram feed is filled with how apparently I’m going to long for these days when I’m in my 80s (if I live that long.)

Toddler has been up since 535 (repeatedly tried to get her back to sleep and gave up at 545.) She’s ratty and grumpy. Nothing is good enough; TV, breakfast, books. Four year old is understandably feeling a bit neglected as every time he talks (which is constantly) she starts moaning. So he’s yapping away and bringing me various things to exclaim over while I’m in the shower. Nothing unusual there but just constant, endless.

I am so tired. I feel like I’m up and down all night at the moment. It isn’t always this bad but she practically never sleeps through - it used to be one wake up but lately it’s two / three and for the past few nights it’s endless, constant so that one merges into another. (Please don’t suggest co sleeping, it really doesn’t work, she never sleeps if I’m in with her and besides I’m desperate for some space.)

I am so fed up of the screeching over nothing. I know it is just toddlers and ds was the same but it’s just … you bring the wrong shoes or offer her breakfast and you get these wails and indignant screams. When I had just ds I hated it as well but there wasn’t a sibling to express displeasure at.

I am just praying it gets easier as at the moment sometimes it’s horrific!

It can be tiring and shit at that age. But you have two children at their psychological manipulation peak and if they catch wind of you capitulating or responding to demands / screams then things will get harder. Give her breakfast then do things and ignore

I remember those days, OP! Mine are teenagers now so they're long behind me, but it's true, you will miss them being so small.

We walked past a pre schooler having a massive tantrum in town yesterday and I grinned at dh and ds, saying that I remembered those days well (ds was the worst tantrummer ever, he'd throw himself face down on the floor at the littlest thing).

Do you have dh/friends/family you can pass them to for a bit, maybe at the weekend if not during the week? The bone crushing exhaustion changes everything. Agree with pp to ignore where possible. My mum used to walk from room to room catching up on housework whilst ds followed her, tantrumming. I found that ds used to randomly fall asleep after a massive tantrum, it's exhausting for them too.

Big mug of tea, op. This too shall pass.

Yanbu.

My two are 5 and nearly-2, so I'm maybe half a year ahead of you and it's got a bit easier in the last couple of months. So hopefully it will for you too. But yes, relentless.

Last night my toddler was pointing at a book and screaming BOOK! So I said shall I read you this book? "NO aargh!" (I put the book down, he points at it in rage and despair) "BOOK!" Son, what do you even want from me?!

It's insane how sleep deprived I am.

I remind myself that they should probably still be in the womb for longer until they can walk, like other mammals do, lambs and deer etc. But because we are bipedal and have enormous heads for our big brains, we wouldn't be able to give birth to them any later. So here they are, screaming little grubs.

Last night my toddler was pointing at a book and screaming BOOK! So I said shall I read you this book? "NO aargh!" (I put the book down, he points at it in rage and despair) "BOOK!" Son, what do you even want from me?!

This is my life. She woke me up crying at 3 saying ‘I want mouth.’ I still have no idea what that meant.

I don’t miss DS being two, he’s so much nicer and easier and just lovely now he’s four but he’s bringing himself up because I’m constantly dealing with the toddler. Feel awful.

I feel you. I don't know why everyone says boys are easier - my 5 yo girl was super easy and can now be reasoned with, my 2.5 yo son is possibly one of the most dramatic people in the world.

This is my life. She woke me up crying at 3 saying ‘I want mouth.’ I still have no idea what that meant.

This made me laugh - dh and I have different approaches with this sometimes. He'll lean in and try to guess. "Mouth? Do you mean you want a drink, are you thirsty? No? Do you mean, Mouse? You want your cuddly toy that's shaped like a squirrel? No? A book about a mouse?"

Whereas I have nothing left, I just bark "it's bedtime go back to SLEEP" and it works maybe half the time. We do cosleep though, we tried not cosleeping and the sleep deprivation was so much worse it made us all ill

I haven't forgotten those days and mine are grown. It is the sleep deprivation, you would cope with the other bits of small children behaviour if you had some sleep.

I know it seems bleak but this will pass and when yours are teenagers it is easy to see that this time isn't that long really - impossible to feel that right now.

I ate a lot of chocolate.

My twins are just out of this phase but swiftly moved onto the threenager and then fuck it 4s 🤣
I drink a LOT of coffee eat a lot of chocolate and generally just try and grip on to life by my fingernails (lone mum too!) it’s brutal!

Ps I didn't mean laugh as in laughing at your despair - I meant it made me laugh because it's just so true, "I want mouth" is just the kind of nonsense my two say all the time even the 5yo.

Yesterday ds was complaining that some rain had gone in his ear. "Raining! Ear!" And he angrily pointed at his ear and glared at me as if I was the one making it rain. Ffs stop pulling your hood down then. I feel like I'm working for an unreasonable boss

It will pass.

Remember to look after yourself even in small ways. After playgroup for example i used to get a can of coke, a packet of crisps and read my book for 15 minutes. Every week i looked forwards to that. Ten minutes for a bath? Take it. A tiny lie in? Take it. 15 minutes of telly they will tolerate? Take it. Any small offer of help? You get the picture.

You matter too. And small things help shift your mindset to get through it. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

It is just toddlers, it does pass (my screechy toddlers are now 15 and 17) and no, you won't miss it :-) The hair goes up on the back of my neck when I remember the 0-3 years.

And stay off instagram - remember everything on there is chosen for a reason!

It’s sleep deprivation taking your resilience. Can the other parent take them for a day or morning and let you sleep? DH used to take ours on Saturday morning to let me go back to sleep for a few hours and that gave me the bolster I needed for the week. When you’re not quite so tired everything is so much easier.

On Instagram everyone loves toddlers… I’m a fan of teens (although they do talk endless nonsense at me. I know far more about what Aidan got up to at school yesterday - he was very naughty and I got to experience the whole incident moment by moment - than what my own dc got up to).

I agree with the pp who said it's the sleep deprivation. My kids are exactly as you describe yours in terms of the whining and irrationality, BUT they sleep through the night. I have a lovely life with them. So I think fix the sleep and then you will be able to ignore/brush off the irritating behaviour much easier.

Do you still feed toddler at night? Where do they sleep - in their own room or with their sibling? What do they generally want when they wake - just company or something else?

DD isn’t normally too bad but her and ds combined is so stressful.

I feel a bit bad now as she had pooed and smells like vinegar which is usually a teething sign and molars are nasty.

Dd2 is 2.5 and got told in a shop the other day how well behaved she was. Hahaha! They’d not been in her presence long. She’s a demon. She’s one who will ask for something then have a fit if she gets it?? She’s exhausting.

I had a conversation with her last night which seemed completely non understandable to dh but I knew exactly what she was saying 🤣 I speak demon.

It’s really hard when they are young. Dd1 was so easy and still is at 10. Dd2 is an absolute little twat at times.

It’s mega shit. Some people love this era, I wasn’t one of them. I don’t care if people judge me but I think kids are dicks at that age.

I have an 8 and 5 year old now. They come with new challenges but my god it’s heaven compared to those days. So much more enjoyable and manageable and less stab yourself in the eye era. Bunker down, solidarity, you’ll get through it.

You have to pick your battles and appreciate the good times, usually when they're sleeping. Fake it until you make it.
You'll never get the day back, try making it a good one.
2nd DC is usually wilder. Hang in there.

I did find the toddler phase exhausting at the time but looking back now I can’t believe what absolute innocent angels they were and wish I’d had more energy to appreciate it at the time. It can be brutal and relentless but yes, I promise you will indeed look back and miss it. I’d give anything to have just 1 day of mine being that small again (just one day though mind 😅)
Now they are older it’s heartbreaking that they deny every being into Paw Patrol or wanting cuddles!
I do empathise with your feelings though as it drained every ounce of energy from me when they were that age.

ahh yes, and that extra helping of guilt when you realise they were unbearably whiny because they were coming down with something!

Big hug!

Having an older one makes it occasionally easier with the tantrums though... this morning ds pointed at the TV and shouted "More MAN!" And I was baffled, what man? Blippi? Some other man? You want Daddy?

Dd helpfully translated "he means Spiderman". Lol he did mean spiderman. Ds was using his surname for short

Yep.
My baby is almost 1, and it seems like all she does recently is scream, and cry. She has flashes of happiness, but for the most part she’s irritable, and cranky. Completely drains me, most days, and even though I love her to bits, she drives me up the wall. She can be fed, have a fresh, clean nappy, and be freshly napped, and still be a proper miserable bugger. The screeching over nothing really does grind you down after hours of it. Hoping it is just a phase, and she grows out of it, but I’m not gonna hold my breath! 😅

I posted a similarish thread to you the other night OP.

My toddler is 2 and I also have a 6 year old. I feel absolutely worn out from being around them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (obviously oldest goes to school but youngest is home with me). My kids sleep through if there’s nothing bothering them but there’s usually a cough, cold, loud motorbike outside, nightmare, one will sleep talk and wake the other so a LOT of nights are broken. They’re then up for the day between 5 and 6, 6.30 if we’re lucky. The hours between waking up and school drop off feel SO long.

My body is a wreck, between the constant getting up all night and pushing buggies up hills for the last 6 years, my youngest currently like to run full pelt and throw himself into me. My skin feels hypersensitive and bruised like everything hurts and my back aches.

The pair of them talk incessantly and ask me questions, which is nice sometimes but being bombarded with questions at 6am when your brain is barely awake is a sensory overload. They fight relentlessly and I can’t leave them alone together in a room for more than a minute without hearing screaming and crashing. My nervous system is ruined from constant heart-skipping-a-beat moments as I intercept accidents and thrown items.

My youngest is a lovely, chatty little boy but he is ENERGETIC to the extent I don’t think he ever sits down for more than 30 seconds. Even TV doesn’t really work. He’s constantly running, throwing, slamming doors, slamming stair gates, hitting toys on the glass patio doors, and he wants to climb me 24/7 and dig elbows and feet in.

Anyone who says how lovely it is having toddlers is remembering it from the position now of sleeping for 8 hours a night and having uninterrupted time to shower, eat and toilet. Of course the day with a toddler seems lovely then, but the 24/7 treadmill is very very hard and very different to remembering your toddler 15 years ago or visiting a grandchild for an afternoon.

Oh yes that’s actually one of the cute bits! DD ‘translates’ for 2yo DS, when he was a bit younger they had a strange sort of gibberish they spoke together where she could understand what he wanted.

It does sound like she's teething as 'I want mouth' could be her not quite knowing how to explain.