To disagree with DH about our eldest going out too much?

[Katiee80]

Our eldest son is early 20’s. He has been unemployed for the last 6 months now and I feel like he isn’t putting a massive amount of effort into job hunting.

Meanwhile, he is out drinking almost every weekend with his friends and hungover the next day. It seems an endless cycle.

I want to tell him to have a couple of weeks off and really focus on finding a job. DH is far more relaxed and basically said that going out, having a few beers and ‘trying to pull a local slapper’ is a rite of passage.

Do you think I should be a bit firmer with DS as I’m worried the longer he’s out of work, the harder he’s going to find it to get a job?

Your husband is a dirty twat. How can your son afford the alcohol? Is he a ‘local slapped’ himself?

Is DH funding this? Also he’s a misogynistic twat

You should be firmer with DH
"pulling the local slapper"
Grim.

Your husband sounds gross talking about women like that. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

Meanwhile, he is out drinking almost every weekend with his friends

Where is he getting the money?

The funds are a mixture of inheritance and savings from a past job, plus he sells a lot of clothes online for profit.

Ugh you’ve got bigger problems than a hungover son.

I think you should be a bit firmer with your DH, yuk.

Nothing wrong with going out. A LOT wrong with talking about “pulling the local slapper”. Yuck.

I assume your son is the male slapper then. Your husband sounds awful and your son yes appears lazy and with little work ethic. I’d be worried about that and what he’s learnt from his dad growing up

I know I haven't lived in my home country for a long time but I didn't realize actual humans still said things like that. I can only imagine what he says to your son in private. Its is disgusting.

If he is spending his own money there is nothing you can do about his spending. You can, however, throw him out and make him support himself somewhere else.

I know I haven't lived in my home country for a long time but I didn't realize actual humans still said things like that. I can only imagine what he says to your son in private. Its is disgusting.

If he is spending his own money there is nothing you can do about his spending. You can, however, throw him out and make him support himself somewhere else.

What your husband said has me feeling nauseous, you ok with him using that word?

I think your DH's attitude probably means there's nothing you can do.

But you should try and talk to him about any support he needs to get himself on track.

What else can you expect from your son with a father like that. He's a disgrace!

This. I'm so sorry for your son with the father he has

the going out wouldn't bother me too much in itself,

but what the heck is he doing all day every day during the week?
I would not tolerate for a child to do nothing, between bar work, temp agencies, people looking for a set of hand, a labourer, there's absolutely no excuse not to work, to do something.

DH is far more relaxed and basically said that going out, having a few beers and ‘trying to pull a local slapper’ is a rite of passage.

What a creepy husband you have.

Did he never tell his son to respect women?

How does this make you feel OP? That you have a misogynist husband and he's passing on his thoughts to his son.

I would be furious.

Your husband sounds like an unpleasant misogynist.

However, I really don’t think it’s reasonable think you can stop a grown adult in his 20s from going out with his mates whenever he wants to. He’s not a child.

I'm sorry OP but I really don't get parents who let their unemployed young adult behav like a bum.

I told my kids as soon as they passed their GCSE they had to get a PT job. My youngest like many nowadays truffle to get his foot in for his first carrer job.

I made it VERY clear the moment he came back home that he could have up t a month off to relax but after that, if he wanted to stay home rent free, I'd better be convinced he was doing everything to look for a job and that if he still had enough money to go out regularly, I would charge him for his use of the bills.

It took home 6 months to get there, but he still took on temporary roles during that time.

Why oh why are parents letting young adults being children with benefits...ie. back at home without a care but with the benefits of being independent when it comes to fun? How is that encouraging them to become independent and more importantly how is that helping their self-esteem and sense of pride and accomplishment?

This whole gentle parenting that now even extend to adulthood is doing so much damage.

It wouldn't bother me if my DS was going out for a few drinks with his friends - you say it's every weekend, not every night. That should still leave him with a lot of time to focus on job hunting. I would be firmer about how he's spending his time during the week.

there is nothing you can do about his spending. You can, however, throw him out and make him support himself somewhere else.

No landlord will rent to someone without an income or guarantor. The rental market here is very difficult.