Aibu to this man?

[Waterhorse46]

So my friend passed my number onto a guy she thought was my type. I said ok fine no issues. He texted me mid September. Usual convo of hi how’s your day etc. we had ONE call a couple weeks ago. No movement since. No date. No nothing. Two Saturdays ago I reached out to say I hope he was having a lovely weekend. We chatted a bit about Netflix series. Him going for food with friends etc etc. then I left it on the note of his message which was
Hey morning.
hope you’re okay
Saturday was good thanks, the restaurant we ate at was fab. It had so many choices and I ate enough to last me.
Hope you are going well and you have a fab day ahead!
to me that warrants no reply. So Saturday this week comes and I was like eff it I’ll ask if he wants to meet. So in turn I got back “heya I hope you’re doing well. Things are ok on my end. Super busy though. I’m back in the area approx 16th November if that works” what the actual fuck… so my friend said. At this point say no that’s too far we’re going in circles either during my annual leave week or we leave it.
can anyone help me. I’m so confused. Yes I’m aware it looks like breadcrumbs. I’d like to give him a chance my friend knows him and said he’s nice etc but this isn’t good. How do you firmly lay it down without being rude? I suppose I just don’t like prolonging things. We’ve done the hi you okay thing for about 5 weeks now. Surely it can’t be unreasonable to bring it sooner?
I was thinking of saying “yes that could work or I’m not too far from you next week and if you’re free we could fit something in then. If not November is fine it just runs the risk that we’re prolonging things” am I being unreasonable?

Id be bored by now, I like to meet within a week of chatting, just a quick coffee, to get a feel for someone. I'd take from your description that he's just not that bothered - if he was keen he'd make it happen. I certainly wouldn't chase him anymore

I can't see a single thing he's done wrong. If anything, you're the one playing silly buggers. He messaged you a nice text during the weekend, which you ignored. He then messaged you again, telling you when he's around and that he'd like to see you, but somehow that's not enough! He can't win.

From the messages, it doesn't sound like either of you are particularly interested in the other person

Where has he said hes free???

I mean, people have lives.

If he can't meet you until then, what's he supposed to say?

I’m back in the area approx 16th November if that works”

I mean that’s so far away how many times can we say how are you?? His last message when he said hope you have a lovely day didn’t really invite any response surely? I also got stupidly caught up with work. I also initiated the convo before that. Actually typing this makes me realise this is probably not even right because it shouldn’t be so complex early doors.

I was going to suggest that I’m not too far from him over my annual leave but it could be like gross she’s desperate

just sack it off, it shouldn’t be this hard

You're the only person making this complicated. His text absolutely did deserve a response. And his next one tells you he's busy, but tells you when he's going to be where you live next and that he wants to see you. Honestly, if you think that's complicated, end it now, he'll be better off.

hmm...he does say 'approx' though

Could be genuine of course...but also might be a bit vague and far away too. Might be a chink through which to escape.

I certainly wouldn't hold fire for him, put it that way. Say yes and if he gets in touch to arrange it then you might as well.
Otherwise forget him.

Did it. Oh god I am just very fucking autistic and it didn’t seem it warranted a reply😭

Well this is what I’m thinking should be super simple

It is super simple.

He's told you when he is available. You either arrange to meet up at that point, or not.

What's hard about that?

I recall on that phone call he said he’d be visiting my area. But the last message was along the lines of have a lovely day and rest of your week. What do I say to that. It doesn’t invite a convo more a soft closer? So I left it then reached out again. Now we’re looking at mid Nov. How can one wait that long?

I would just reply with a thumbs up. Nothing else. Leave it to him to make the actual arrangement … or not. And forget about it in the meantime.

Of course I’m happy to. He lives about 1.5 hours away. I was happy to even meet half way but then I worry I’m running the risk of sounding desperate. I don’t want him to think he has to come all the way to me.

Well yeah I was thinking so too. Surely a have a lovely day and rest of the week doesn’t even invite a reply does it?

Surely, at the very least it deserves a "Thanks, you too". If you're interested you ask him if he's any plans, or tell him what you're doing. It keeps the conversation going. You don't just ignore it, that completely looks like you're either not interested or just rude.

thank you for telling me I guess Im a little on the spectrum and to me I’ve seen it as a soft close and it didn’t warrant a response.

You've not even met him and the communication is already stressing you out.
He's coming across as lukewarm.
I'd say forget it.

It all seems a bit limp and forced. He doesn't really live near you and you haven't met though a mutual interest or hobby. Why bother? Neither of you seem that keen, understandably so.