AIBU to ask for clarification as to why hubby thinks I’m controlling

[TopazSlinky]

As in title really… hubby has said I’m controlling. I asked for clarification as I’m unclear and don’t believe I am. He said it doesn’t matter and me asking questions all the time is annoying. How do I know what I’m doing wrong if he won’t engage in conversation about it? All I’ve managed to get out of him so far is that I do what I want and I ask for his exact times (I don’t). Apparently I don’t inform him of things either. This arose from me asking if I could go to a wedding do. He asked why partners aren’t invited. I said it was an open invite to employees. And since then he’s been funny with me. I’m really confused and just wonder what I’ve done wrong and if wanting to know is me BU.

I feel like there is more to this. I don't think you are unreasonable for wanting more details, but is it possible you press him for more details on his plans and then don't provide the same on yours?

I don’t feel like I do this but I suppose it’s possible and I just don’t realise it.

He doesn't want you to go OP and doesn't know how to say that out loud without looking like a knob, so he's going to act like a knob instead.

Are you sure he's not projecting? Why did you feel the need to ask him if you go, instead of just telling him you were going?

Wild guess here, he’s the controlling one.

Why did you ask him if you could go to a wedding do? That seems odd? LIke you had to ask permission. And if that IS what is happening, then I'd say that you are unlikely to be the one who is controlling.

It's not you who is controlling, OP.

Why did you, presumably a grown adult, have to ask permission to go to a wedding do?

There have been times in the past where I have forgotten to tell him I have something organised or I’ve put things in the calendar and not mentioned it/given details, so I do always ask nowadays. Given there are children to care for, it’s definitely a discussion that’s needed.

how do you respond when yo do that? If I forget to put something gin the calendar, I apologise. If, as it turns out, that is NOT conveinent for us as a family, I have to skip whatever I planned and take it on the chin taht I planned badly. f it's not a problem, off I go. And the same for DH.

It's odd that you now have to ask permission because a few times you forgot to put things in the calendar?

I always apologise straight away. I’ve missed events in the past. I’m not made to ask for permission but I do to avoid any misunderstanding - but I’m not sure it’s working.