To be cross at DS’s teacher

[Swimminglessoninprogress]

Primary age DS had his birthday and took sweets in for his class today as is tradition (everyone does it at our school, and they give them out at home time with the birthday child standing by the door to do so). He wasn’t allowed to give them out today because the class was talking and ignoring the teacher at home time. Which punishes DS rather than the talkers (it’s the same group of kids each time and he is not one of them). Luckily he seems moderately sanguine about it but I think it’s shitty, as doing it tomorrow makes it not part of the fun of the birthday and at that age they really look forward to doing this kind of thing.
He doesn’t want me to make a fuss so I won’t talk to his teacher about it. But I am v cross. She should have said the specific troublemakers could wait for theirs until tomorrow but still let DS give them out.

How does it punish DS? It seems like every consequence is seen as unfair in some way now

I'm sure she has more important things to think about. She shouldn't involve your son in withholding privileges from his classmates anyway. And I'm sure the children with weekend birthdays cope.

Giving out birthday treats is at the discretion of the teacher. It's more important that the class understands the consequences of being disruptive than it is for your son to give treats on his actual birthday. What about the kids whose birthday is on a weekend or during the holidays? I am sure they coped not giving sweets out on the actual day.

Giving out sweets should be at the very end of the list all the things that a class teacher has to think about. If you care about it that much then take the sweets in at hometime and hand them out as children are collected.

Oh God just let it go he's probably forgotten about it already and will happily give them out tomorrow.

I’d be annoyed OP. You’re right it is shitty. I have a particularly sensitive DD who’d be upset by this

Good grief.

I honestly don’t think bringing sweets in to give out should be a thing. It isn’t in my kids primary, luckily. just put them in party bags at the party instead

Your son isn't bothered, so why should you be?

You are overreacting.

I do understand why that might feel disheartening to you, but if it was super obvious that it was the same small group of troublemakers, the teacher would’ve probably punished them separately to the rest of the class. Unfortunately, some troublemakers are enough of influences when they have a ripple effect across the entire class and IMO That’s probably what led to the whole class not getting the sweets.

And they wonder why teachers are leaving in droves

I wouldn’t do anything but I’d think it was an odd punishment to say “because of the bad behaviour, you don’t get birthday sweets from X”.

I am guessing because the teacher had to prioritise dealing with the behaviour there simply wasn't time was sweets to be given out.
Depending on the age of your child there could be other things to hand out on a Monday, we hand out reading books for example and this would take priority over things like sweets as more parents will complain if the books aren't given out than if sweets were.
Likewise if the class are late out because of sweets, any parent who needs to dash off quick e.g. other children to collect at other schools, taking child to swimming lessons is also then frustrated.
Yes it's annoying but the sweets can still be given out tomorrow.

I'm glad this sweet celebration isn't common in schools locally.
If DS was not misbehaving, I am sure that the teacher reassured him. I don't like full class punishments when the minority spoil it for everyone.

Yes this is what I feel has happened.

When you say primary age, what do you actually mean?

Year 1, and I agree the teacher was mean and could have done something like ask for certain children’s sweets to be given to whoever was picking them up so a talk about behaviour could be had.

Year 6, it’s fine.

Surely you're more mildly miffed than actually cross?

I'd be more annoyed with that policy. If most do it they're going to have close to 30 days of sweets afterschool!

Was it a consequence for bad behaviour or did they simply run out of time?

30 days (that’s if everyone does it) , out of 190 is not the end on the world.

This will absolutely have been a "Due to some not listening, we have run out of time and cannot now do the sweets for X's birthday," rather than "You will all not get sweets now because some of the class have been badly behaved." Those have the same outcome but are very different actions by the teacher.

As such, a response of "v cross" is definitely an overreaction. To be honest, anything beyond "Oh darling, you can just give them out tomorrow," would be an overreaction, especially when he's not bothered about it. You have asked the teacher to facilitate something as a favour: she doesn't have to do it. Whilst most of the time, this will likely go off without issue, sometimes, like this, it may not.

It's very easy for you to say what the teacher should have done, but you weren't there to see what actually happened.

Why does everyone these days have such disproportionate bizzare sensationalised overreactions to everything? The amount of threads I see each day complaining about complete non-events in school that wouldn’t have caused anyone to even blink in the 90s is now being met with comments of being “furious”, “livid”, “extremely cross”.

Also, just because something is a disappointing outcome for you, doesn’t mean anyone has done anything wrong. Circumstances didn’t allow it in case but may tomorrow. The teacher probably had to prioritise dealing with bad behaviour there and then, ran out of time, and would probably happily let your son give out sweets the next day. She’s not setting out to inadvertently punish your son. These things happen. It could just as easily been a fire drill or a big bee that got into the classroom and meant time ran out and people got distracted.

I’m starting to think that the reason Gen Z and Gen Alpha have so many problems is parents planting seeds or concerns or worries or anxieties into their kids heads that never existed in the first place. It’s not heathy to stew so much over non-events with no intended malice. Your son is completely unbothered and fine handing it out the next day. Why aren’t you?